Lord Hensley perused his invitation for the
engagement ball of Prince George and Princess
Caroline. Being an esteemed member of the House of
Lords, he attended almost all royal functions. His
daughters were usually left at home. The young prince
had quite a reputation for womanizing and Lord Hensley
protected his daughters at any cost. Yet he was
beginning to realize what a high cost that may be. The
twins’ mother had died in childbirth- their lives were
controlled only by their father, and instead of giving
them formal education in the ways of society, he had
them taught conventional learning- man’s learning. He
was not sure they knew the social graces that were
necessary to…survive amongst their sometimes vicious
class. And while he had let them attend a few town and
country balls, he had deliberately kept them from the
brilliant circle surrounding the Court. They were his
only daughters; he was reluctant to let them go.
Still, let them go he must. Joy, he had decided, must
be married as soon as possible- she attracted far too
much attention from the opposite sex. Julie, while not
as much of a worry to her father, seemed to be showing
a strong interest in the twins’ French tutor- this
would also have to be curbed. There was no way around
it- he would have to let his daughters attend the
engagement ball. They would have to be properly
introduced into society. And they would have to be
married as soon as possible.
Joy was ecstatic when she heard the news. All she
could think about were dresses and dancing and all the
exciting new people she would get to meet! Julie
agreed that it would be an interesting change of
scene. She wished that Monsieur Phillipe Chenard was
allowed to go…but Papa said, and Julie had learned,
that tutors were not a part of the aristocracy. Still,
both of the twins could talk of nothing but the ball
for days to come.
As he galloped across the English countryside on the large bay which had
been the only thing he brought with him when he left England he gazed at the
beautiful green of the rolling hills and breathed the crisp air deep into
his lungs. This was the land where he had been raised, the land he had
called home until two years earlier and now he had finally returned to. In
light of the unpleasant circumstances surrounding his departure Roland was
surprisingly happy to be back in England. When he left two years ago all he
wanted was to escape from the memory of all that his family had endured in
the previous few years.
Ten years prior, when Roland was 14, his father had been betrayed by Samuel
Griffin, his closest advisor and the Woodridge family reputation was nearly
ruined by false rumors of impropriety. Three years later Jameson, Roland's
father, finally passed away, a broken shell of the proud, noble man he had
once been. Just a few months later Georgianna, his mother, passed on as
well. This left Roland to care for his 15 year old sister Simone. For the
next three years Roland cared for Simone as best he could amid the whispers
and rumors that still lingered from the scandal some four years earlier.
Then Simone decided that she was ready to marry and chose a Belgian with a
large estate outside Brussels. While Roland may have initially objected, he
knew that Simone could be headstrong and finally acquiesced, hoping that
leaving England would allow her to find peace away from the rumors that
still hung on the lips of London society. With no responsibilities in
England once Simone was gone Roland moved to France, hoping to find some
peace of his own. He lived in Paris and surrounding areas until he felt it
was too dangerous for him to stay. The Revolution had grown horrifyingly
bloody and Roland was disgusted by the travesty of justice that was the new
Republique. Fearing for his life if he spoke out against Robespierre and
his compatriots but not being able to stand to watch the blood letting
silently, he left France, deciding that it was time to face his past in
England.
He had spent two years basically ignoring the fact that England even
existed, with the exception of the occasional letter from one of the Hensley
twins, who he was on his way to visit now. He hadn't written them in quite
a while and had not taken the time to let them know that he was returning to
England, so he hoped that they were home and would not mind his sudden
appearance. He had always enjoyed the company of the girls, especially the
bright and lively Joy, and was eager to spend a happy afternoon with his old
friends. As the sturdy bay neared the Hensley manor at a canter he heard a
peal of girlish laughter emanate from the garden and a smile unconsciously
spread across his face. With a look of contentment in his sea green eyes he
dismounted and walked his horse to the gate of the Hensley residence. He
peered in and, not seeing the girls but hearing their voices from another
part of the garden, called "Joy?...Julie?" and awaited their response.
The Hensley twins had returned to their garden studies after
their father's exciting announcement about the Prince's ball. It was
difficult to keep a focused mind on the trials and tribulations of
poor Hamlet when visions of dancing and dresses kept clouding the
head. There was no hope that Joy would return to her studies today.
"I would not like to meet a man like Hamlet at the ball." Joy
confided to her sister.
"Why ever not?" Julie asked, glad to put the play aside for
awhile.
"Oh I bet he is not any fun. And a very stiff dancer." Joy
jumped up to parody the meeting between herself and an overly proper
Hamlet, sending her sister and herself into peals of laughter.
"No," Joy said, regaining her composure. "I would prefer Romeo
any day." She walked around the garden, calling, "Romeo! Romeo! Do
come dance with me! Take me away from the dull, dreary Hamlet!"
"Romeo is rather dreary himself." Julie reminded.
"True enough. But I bet he is a fabulous dancer! Romeo!" She started as a male voice called from the garden entrance.
"Joy...?"
"He calls me!" Joy laughed.
"Julie...?"
"Oh," Joy pouted. "He calls you too!"
"I doubt it is Mr. Montague come to visit. We're over here!"
Julie called to the unknown voice.
"Oh yes, Romeo! Do come and find us!"
Roland chuckled softly to himself at the girls antics. It was
comforting to know that they were much the same girls he had left some two
years ago; Joy gay and bright and Julie intelligent and witty. "I'm afraid
I am no Romeo ladies, just a humble gentleman come to call on two lovely
young women" he called in a mockingly apologetic tone.
Julie silenced her sister with a look, forbidding her to
carry on so when it was unknown who was calling on them. Both the
girls eyed the entrance to their garden hideaway with anticipation.
Roland opened the gate, entered the lovely Hensley gardens and headed in
the direction of the girls voices. As he approached the bench where the
girls were seated he smiled warmly at his companions of old.
The twins were speechless, which was unusual to say the least.
Normally at least one of them had something to say. Now all they
could do was gasp in wonder and delight at the sight of their dear
friend returned to them.
"It appears
that France could only hold me for so long m'dears. And how could I be
expected to stay there with such charming friends as yourselves here in
England?" he said with a glint a mischief in his eyes.
Without a thought to propriety, Joy leapt up and launched herself
at Roland, just as she would have when she had last seen him so many
years ago.
Roland laughed at Joy's enthusiasm and wrapped the young girl in his
arms as he lifted her off the ground and spun her in a circle.
"Oh it is better than some make believe Romeo!" she
cried. "Roland! Roland, is it really you?"
"Indeed it is m'dear!" Roland felt his heart swell at the greeting he
was receiving from his old friends. He had spent such a long time being
alone that he had almost forgotten what it was like to be wanted and
appreciated. "La, but it has been quite a long time since I have received a
greeting like this. You certainly do know how to make someone feel
welcome." As he spoke he could feel tears welling up in his eyes for which
he could find no other explanation than sheer happiness.
"You should probably ask of the man's identity before you
launch yourself at him Joy." Julie told her sister. "It is wonderful
to see you back in London Roland. We had no idea you were coming!"
"But how could we," Joy pouted. "When our letters so often
went unanswered?"
Her tone was stern, but her eyes and smile could not hide how
pleased she was to see her old friend. The Hensleys and the
Woodridges had grown up together, and the twins had both always
adored and admired the older Roland.
Certain that the tears that had been welling up in his soft sea green
eyes had been held in check he looked at the girls a bit wistfully as he
replied. "For that I must apologize Joy." He cleared his throat softly as
he decided just what he wanted to say. "I was rather loathe to think of
England during most of the time I was away. However I must tell you girls
that the few happy thoughts of England I maintained were of you two and our
time together." With this he gave the girls a look of the most sincere
gratitude and friendship that he hoped expressed just how grateful he was to
be back in their company.
Any anger the twins had melted with his words and that
look. "So," Julie thought, "Our Roland is still the charmer."
"Well when you put it that way..." Joy trailed off, beaming at
him.
"So tell me, what fascinating and intriguing things are happening in
your lives?" he asked as the three of them strolled over to the bench where
the girls had been studying. It was best that they found a comfortable
place to sit because the three had much to talk about and much lost time to
make up for.
Joy couldn't keep her eyes off Roland- she could hardly believe
he was really there. He had always been a drawing presence for her-
even as a child she would play with no one else when he was around.
He was one of her best friends next to her sister. It was impossible
for her to express how much she missed him and how much it had hurt
her when her precious letters went unanswered. But none of that
mattered now. Her Roland was back and the world was as it should be.
Joy sat besides Roland on the bench, leaving Julie to squeeze in on
his other side. It was rather cramped, but neither twin wanted to
relinquish a seat beside their guest of honor.
"Well," Julie began, "We have increased our studies under
Monsieur Chenard, our tutor- I don't know of you were still here when
he began teaching us, but..."
"He said fascinating and intriguing Julie, not boring and dull.
Father keeps us in the country far too much." Joy complained. "Though
we are to attend the Prince's engagement ball. Are you going? Oh, but
I am sure you have far more interesting things to speak of."
"Did you say a ball?" Roland asked with a glimmer in his eyes. "Well I
dare say that a ball is just the place for me to make a grand return to
London society." As he said this he felt his pulse quicken at the thought
of seeing again the very people whom he had left England to escape. Just as
quickly as it came he pushed the unpleasant thought from his mind and
continued. "I don't suppose that you two lovely ladies would be in need of
an escort to the ball, would you?"
Joy chattered on, anxious to hear about the places he had seen. It was a
dream of hers to travel to exotic places and experience adventures
and real excitement. She envied Roland his travels through
Europe. "What countries did you go to? What were they like? What did
you do?" Joy took a deep breath and awaited his answer.
"Oh, here and there. France mostly, but I spent some time in Belgium
and Switzerland. But that is of little importance now, I am here in England
with you." Roland suddenly had little desire to talk about his time away.
It had been a lonely, painful time and he wished to forget it now that he
was back in England and happy, at least for the time being. He knew that
the Prince's engagement ball was the perfect opportunity for him to make his
return to England known but he dreaded what people might say. After all, he
had basically disappeared for more than two years.
Julie sat back, content to let her sister control the
conversation as she studied Roland's face. Behind the sincere joy at
their reunion, there was the old familiar sadness. He had not lost it
in his travels- maybe even increased it. Julie wondered at his
returning- she knew why he had left. Was he now prepared to stop
running from his tragic past and face the world again? She didn't
know. But she meant to find out and let him know that he, as always,
had her support in whatever he did.
As Joy questioned him about his travels he glanced to his other side at
Julie. As they looked at each other her eyes searched his, but for what?
He only wished he knew what she was thinking as she gave him a questioning
yet sympathetic look. Of all the people he knew, Julie was the hardest to
hide things from and he knew better than to think it would be long before he
had told her everything about his time in France and about his anxiety and
re-entering English society. He only hoped that it could wait until another
day. For now he wanted only to enjoy the company of his two dear friends.
Suddenly Joy paused in her thoughts of travel and adventure and
looked up at Roland. "Wait. Did you say you would escort us to the
ball?"
Julie started and glanced away from Roland. "La little sister!"
She laughed, "That was ages ago. And I am sure the gentleman was very
hurt that you ignored his suggestion. It probably no longer holds."
Joy pouted. She hated it when Julie called her little sister and
acted the superior twin. She turned to Roland, hoping he really would
be her escort. They had always played at dancing and balls as
children, but Roland had left England before the twins came out into
society. Joy had never even been to a ball that Roland attended.
"Oh I think I can forgive Joy's oversight!" Roland said, amused at the
sisters' banter. "I cannot think of anyone I would rather escort to the
ball than the you two." With this Roland gave each of the girls a warm and
slightly mischievous smile. If he was going to see the people who so
scorned him after his family name was nearly ruined than at least he would
have companions who would help soften the blow. Joy and Julie were some of
the few people who had always been true friends and he valued that more than
he could say.
"Oh that is so exciting!" Joy exclaimed.
"I for one cannot think of a better escort. But I fear it will be
difficult for you to hold onto Joy. She is searching for her Romeo-
you heard her when you came in." It was strange that Julie felt the
need to warn Roland away from Joy- after all, he was not one of the
poor boy's who fell for her sister. He was a man of the world and
even in his highly emotional state, Julie was sure he would not be
taken in by Joy's flirtations. Joy was not cruel- she did not use the
boys that fell for her; she truly was looking for her Romeo and would
settle for nothing less than romantic ideals.
"But didn't I say that Roland was better than Romeo?" Joy
addressed her sister as she smiled at Roland.
"Oh, I am afraid you give me far too much credit my dear. I have had
precious little success where women are concerned." He remembered the
admirers who had dropped him at the first sign of trouble in his family with
a shudder. He quickly put the thought out of his mind. He was here among
his closest friends, the only two women who truly knew him in the entire
world, and he was happy. He couldn't help noticing something slightly odd
about Julie's behavior. Something in her tone when she warned about Joy
told him that there was more going on here than he understood at the moment.
Attempting to shake the confusing thoughts from his mind he said gaily,
"so dears, do you have your dressed and such prepared for the ball?"
"Well," Julie began, "I have a few choices I am trying to decide
between..."
"Of course I have my dress," Joy interrupted, jumping up in a
state of excitement, "Would you like to see it?" Joy was having
trouble waiting for the highly anticipated ball.
Always happy to oblige the high spirited Joy he smiled eagerly and said
"oh heavens, of course I would love to see your dress m'dear, although I
fear I do not have the eye to properly appreciate a ball gown." Aside from
the fact that he *truly* did want to see Joy's dress, it would take her a
few moments to fetch it from her chambers and would finally give Roland and
Julie a few moment's alone together. She had been giving him strange looks
ever since he arrived and he deeply wished to confide in her. Not that he
felt he could not confide in Joy, but he somehow felt bad saddling the
bright, lively creature with his troubles, whereas the thoughtful, sensitive
Julie seemed to thrive on helping others in times of distress.
Julie laughed at her sister's eagerness but wished that Roland
would tell her to go get her dress. Maybe without her light hearted
sister around Julie could find out what was troubling Roland. Joy
could be quite serious if necessary but right now she was too
distracted by the ball to notice their friend's agitation...
As he sent Joy to retrieve her gown he noticed a slight twinge of...it
couldn't be jealousy...could it? But why on earth would Julie be jealous of
him admiring Joy's gown? The quiet, thoughtful Julie often seemed
overshadowed by her more high-spirited counterpart but he had always thought
Julie a kindred spirit. He could never keep anything from her for long, no
matter how hard he tried. Finally, he was alone in the garden with Julie.
"I do so look forward to attending the ball with you Julie. No doubt Joy
will spend most of the evening flitting about, but perchance that will give
us some time to ourselves." he said, hoping to ease into the conversation
without taking too long. After all, Joy would only be gone for so long and
he did so wish to speak to Julie about his feelings.
Yes, that was what Julie wanted, time to themselves. But now was
more important than the ball, for she knew it would be impossible to
speak of anything worthwhile once the excitable Joy returned in her
oh so lovely gown. And Joy would of course dominate all
conversation...Julie stifled a sigh and looked up at Roland, trying
to think of how to broach such a delicate topic. She found him
staring at her in a puzzling way.
As he gazed at her the
sun hit her strawberry blonde curls and sparkled brilliantly in her green
eyes. Lud, but she was a striking creature, almost unreal in her delicacy.
And she was one of the very few people in the world who truly loved and
understood him. A wave of emotion crashed over him as he gazed that he
could neither identify or nor explain. All he knew is that Julie, with her
sensitivity and beauty, had awakened long dormant feelings of happiness and,
dare he even think it, love.
Julie was momentarily stunned by the intenseness of his gaze.
Roland had always been a serious young man behind his facade of light
hearted society play, but Julie decided she had never truly felt the
depth of his emotions until now. He must have something terribly
important to confide in me, she thought. She slowly reached her hand
out and placed it gently on his arm. "Roland, what is it?"
Feeling the warmth of Julie's hand on his arm woke him from his reverie.
How to begin to explain what he was feeling and thinking? And how much
should he tell her? Finally he spoke. "Oh Julie, I just...well...it is so
difficult for me to be back in England after everything that happened." He
spoke between somewhat gasping breaths as he tried to keep his surging
emotions in check. What he really wanted to say was that he was suddenly
inundated (sp?) by emotions for her that he couldn't identify or explain.
Was it simple lust, was it loneliness, was it some strange combination of the
two? Or was it really the beginnings of love? It was difficult to know for
cure, but the one thing he did know was that he wanted more than anything to
be in Julie's company right now and to confide in her. "I just don't know
how I'll face all those hateful people at the ball who I left England to
avoid." With a sudden rush of emotion he spoke quickly to Julie so that he
would be sure to get it all out. "Julie, please promise me you'll stay by
my side at the ball? I don't know if I can bare it without you." The tall
masculine creature began to crumble before his friend as he spoke until he
could finally, with a few halting breaths, begin to calm himself down. He
wished he could understand what was going on with him but all he knew was
that he couldn't bare the thought of attending the ball without Julie at his
side.
Julie held back tears at the misery she saw in her friend. "Of
course I'll stay with you," she cried. "I would never leave you when
you needed me so!" To think that Roland needed her, that she could be
the strong one for him, was a new idea. She knew she could protect
him from any evil gossips that came along. "Besides, all that was a
long time ago," she comforted. "New...situations catch the public eye
as old drop from sight. Society is forgiving, or at least forgetful.
And I am sure you have other true friends, like us, who will not
abandon you and are ecstatically happy that you have returned." Julie
hoped that she had relieved some of Roland's worries. Society would
perhaps not welcome him with open arms, but it would allow him to
slowly ease back in. And Julie also believed that many of Roland's
old companions were the set to know now. Surely they would not
abandon their friend. Either way, she would protect him at the ball.
He felt his breathing steady and his pulse calm as she spoke. Just being
in her presence made him feel more prepared to face the gauntlet of English
society. Lud, but she was having a cavalcade (I know, weird word...so sue
me ;) of effects oh his emotions today. He had never known anyone to effect
him like this and it was at once invigorating and terrifying. He gazed
amazedly at Julie, trying to sort out what was going on and create a plan of
action. He was, after all, a gentleman and sportsman. He would never go
into a situation unprepared, especially not one as important as this new
turn in his relationship with Julie. Resigning himself to the fact that it
would require more thought than could be done at the moment he sighed
lightly and reached out his hand to lightly brush a stray lock of hair from
Julie's pale forehead. He could see his hand trembling ever so slightly as
he touched her and he prayed that she couldn't detect his agitation. She
was always demmed perceptive when it came to Roland and he needed a bit more
time to determine what exactly he was going to do.
Julie was dismayed that her efforts had not comforted Roland. Why
he was still shaking at the thought of facing society. As he brushed
a hair away from her face, she caught his trembling hand and gave it
a gentle squeeze. "It will be alright," she reassured and dropped his
hand to fix the rebelling hair.
Trying to steer the
conversation into less emotionally explosive territory he asked lightly, "so
m'dear, who will be at this ball we're going to be attending? I do hope
that some of the old boys are still around. What about . . .
Julie smiled at his newfound enthusiasm. Her mind drifted off to
the ball- how wonderful it would be to spend the evening with Roland.
Not having to worry about who she was supposed to be seen with or
talk to- just spend the evening in pleasant company. Whatever would
she wear? If she was going to have such an escort as Roland, she
could not disappoint him in her looks. She smiled again, this time at
her own foolishness. Roland was a dear old friend...what did he care
what she wore?
“. . . Percy Blakeney? I'm
assuming he will be there. He never was one to turn down a party." Roland
stopped himself when he realized that he was rattling on at a dizzying pace.
Suddenly, though he was no longer nervous about seeing his old
acquaintances at the ball, he had become full of anticipation. The thought
of spending an evening with Julie was making him a bit giddy and it was
starting to show.
Julie laughed- Roland was friends with this man! Oh, everything
would be fine. "From what I hear he would not miss it! I have never
been formally introduced to the man, but he is said to be the creme
of London society! And an intimate friend of the Prince
himself...Roland, if you are this man's friend you should have no
trouble being accepted back into the best of English society!" Julie
was genuinely thrilled for her friend, but a little sad to realize he
would not need her after all.
Roland saw her face fall ever so slightly at the mention of Blakeney. He
sought her green eyes with his and gazed at her. "Being accepted back into
English society is of little concern to me as long as I have you. One
friend like you is worth a hundred of those so called friends I used to
have." Roland slid a bit closer to Julie on the garden bench where they sat
and took her hand in his. It felt so perfect just to be here with her,
safe, loved, and cared for. The afternoon was growing late but he had no
intention of leaving her side any earlier than he had to.
Julie was surprised to have her thoughts read so clearly- she was
usually the one doing the mind reading in their relationship. She was
even more surprised as Roland inched closer to her and took her hand
in his. A strange chill shot through her body. It was new and
unusual...and Julie decided to ignore it until she could examine it
more clearly. "I...I...thank you." she stuttered. "But I don't mean
to keep you from your other friends...I, I...did not mean to show any
selfish sentiments..." Abruptly Julie shut her mouth. She knew she
wasn't making any sense. She looked up at Roland, then glanced down
at her hand still in his...which he seemed to have no intention of
letting go of.
"You aren't keeping me from anyone Julie." He calmly tried to reassure
her, all the while quietly cursing his own rash behavior. He wasn't quite
sure what the reaction from her meant but he didn't think it was good. But
she didn't move away from him or take her hand from his. Maybe he was
misreading her. Lud only knew what she was thinking, but still they sat,
quite close to each other, hand in hand on the bench. Roland stared at
Julie searchingly, hoping to catch some hint of a clue as to her feelings.
Suddenly the thought of her *not* returning his feelings became clear in his
mind and filled him momentarily with dread as he clenched her hand for what
he feared may be the last time. "I will give anything, but please God, just
let her feel the same way for me" he quietly prayed as they sat together in
the fading afternoon sun.
Meanwhile, in Hensley Manor...
Joy had found her dress for the ball hanging up neatly, without a
problem. The trouble was finding her dresser at this hour of
afternoon. The twins normally did not require a dresser until the
early evening when they prepared for dinner. And so the woman was
sitting in the kitchen chatting with the butler over tea. Well
dressing was easy enough, Joy supposed. She slipped her new dress
over her head and attempted the twelve tiny buttons running up the
back. No matter how she bended and twisted, she could reach no more
than five. This was going to be more difficult than she imagined...
Joy could have been a contortionist the way she shaped her body
to reach three more buttons. There seemed no hope of buttoning the
four top buttons, so Joy just shrugged in typical Joy fashion and
ignoring the immodest gaping hope on the back of her dress, set off
for the garden.
It was difficult to travel across the lawn, to keep her dress
from snagging or dragging through the grass and keep her new shoes
out of the mud. She wished she had time to do her hair. It would be
nice to impress her escort. "I'm sure Julie is boring him to tears by
now," Joy thought as she painstakingly made her way through the
grounds towards the garden.
There was no way to ignore that the hand holding was extending
the bounds of normal friendship. Julie didn't understand it. She
decided Roland must simply be distracted by his worries and literally
grasping for someone to hold on to. Physical contact could be very
comforting. Not even in the deepest recesses of her mind would she
have considered that Roland was developing feelings for her. She was
the plain sister. Men fell in love with the vivacious Joy. And who
believes that the idol of their childhood will ever truly love them?
Still, despite the comfort she assumed she was offering, Julie was
worried about impropriety. What would someone think if they came upon
the two of them- innocent as they were- holding hands in the secluded
garden? She looked up at Roland to tell him this...but all thoughts
were suddenly lost in his eyes. For once the constantly certain Julie
was not sure what she was thinking...and it frightened her. Movement,
thought, and speech seemed impossible. All she could do was stare and
probe the questions in his gaze. "Roland?" she began and stopped. In
her confusion, she didn't know what else to say.
Her voice snapped him back to reality. He had been off day dreaming he
supposed, trying to enjoy the last few moments before the Sword of Damacles
dropped. The look in her eyes and the tone in her voice made him relatively
certain that the next words she spoke would not be the ones he wanted to
hear. There was still some hope left, deep in his heart, but the pervading
emotion seemed to be dread. Well, he thought, best to get it over with as
quickly and painlessly as possible. With a sigh of resignation he spoke.
"Yes, m'dear?" As he spoke, still holding her hand in his despite the
almost improper length of time they had been in that position, he saw the
confusion in her eyes and wished that he had the courage to simply tell her
everything.
Julie didn't understand his sigh. Was he still worried about
facing everyone at the ball- had she failed to relieve his fears? Or
was he now tired of her conversation and longing for her sister to
return? Even though Julie knew in her heart that Roland was not like
the society men she had been around recently, he had been gone so
long, and now Julie was more than used to being brushed aside for her
sister. Julie decided the sigh must be an indication of his fears.
This explained the hand holding- a need for physical assurance- what
else could it be? "Everything is going to be wonderful from now on,"
she told him, "The past is over." She gave his hand another small
squeeze before gently letting it go. "I am so happy that you are
home." This was the truth- plain and simple, regardless of any
confusion Julie felt. She couldn't begin to describe how wonderful it
was to have him back and how much she had missed someone she could
always confide in and talk to- someone she could trust as much as her
own sister. Julie was so glad she had gotten time alone with Roland
and she hoped more than anything that she had proved some comfort to
him. Joy should be reappearing any minute now, laughing and showing
off her dress...and Julie knew from experience that once her lively,
lovely sister entered the scene, she might as well disappear.
Her words assuaged his fears somewhat. She genuinely seemed thrilled to
have him back in England and that made the transition all the easier for
him. "I cannot tell you how happy I am to be back with you" he said with a
loving glimmer in his eye. He silently prayed that there was something he
could do to let Julie know just how happy he was to have her back in his
life, but propriety and his own humility prevented him from going any
further than he already had. Timidly Roland reached out and gently ran his
hand down Julie's slender arm and leaned in to softly kiss her pale cheek.
"Propriety be damned!" he thought. He refused to let this moment pass
unheeded.
Julie hardly had time to enjoy his lips gently brushing her cheek
before the ever present reason kicked in. What was going on? She
jumped up as if burned. Reasonable people did not randomly kiss in
gardens without a word or indication...no matter how idyllic a
setting it was and no matter how it sent lovely little chills up a
person's spine. Julie took a deep breath to clear her head and
attempted to rationalize. Roland obviously wasn't in love with
her...he had left her alone for years and never given any indication
of the fact. The kiss was...in gratitude? The kiss was brotherly? To
her it didn't feel brotherly but her emotions seemed to be ruling her
head today. Intellect was failing her. She knew she had to act fast
or she would take that kiss and hold onto it and let it grow into
something in her mind that it obviously was not. She would simply ask
Roland. She would ask him and he would explain it to her and she
would laugh at herself for trying to romanticize a kiss. That was
Joy's forte, not hers. Another deep breath as she filled her voice
with fake bravado. "La, Roland, what was that for?" Despite her
efforts, her voice was timid and shaking.
"Because...because..." His voice was trembling with the sudden rush of
passion and adrenaline that was surging through him. Lud, what was he to
say to her in explanation when he could hardly explain it to himself?
Before he could even think he started to speak. "Because I love you Julie!
You are my best friend and my confidante. Lud, I couldn't keep anything
from you if I tried. You know me better than anyone else in the world."
Demmit all, what was he saying?!?! Every word of it was true but...this was
so unlike him. He was normally subdued, proper, very much the typical
English gentleman. Despite his lengthy absence from London society he had
not lost his English sensibilities. Well, he thought with a sigh, what's
said is said. He can't take it back and the more he thought about it the
less he wanted to. This may not be precisely the way he wanted to breach
the subject but demmit all at least it was said! He gazed up at Julie, with
a tear glistening in his eye, as he waited her reply with baited breath.
"You love me?" She repeated the words, almost to herself, trying
them out. "You love me?" Louder this time. "You leave me and I'm a
friend, like a younger sister to you, and you come back and suddenly
you love me?" The words were beautiful, wonderful words...but this
was not a Shakespeare play. People did not suddenly love each other.
And hadn't she always found Romeo and Juliet ridiculous? She didn't
mistrust his motives- this was her beloved Roland, she trusted him
with all her heart; she just didn't understand him. "This isn't
real," she told him, told herself. "How can YOU love ME?" If anyone
had ever asked Julie (and no one did) if she loved Roland, she would
have laughed lightly and perhaps answered, "But of course, he is one
of my dearest friends". Love Roland? He was the hero of her
childhood. She adored Roland. But the love of a girl was different
then the love of the woman Julie was becoming and she couldn't
surrender so suddenly- the reason she prided herself in wouldn't
allow it. So instead she stared dumbly at Roland and repeated
again, "How can you love me?"
With his voice choked with tears he said "Oh Julie! I have always..."
Suddenly he heard Joy's bounding steps come through the garden and stopped
mid sentence. No matter how vehemently he wanted to continue this
conversation here and now he would not do it in front of Joy. This was too
delicate a situation and he respected and cared for Julie too much to do
that.
Joy skipped into the garden scene, apparently oblivious to the
tension in the air. "Ah, so you are both speechless at my dazzling
appearance!" she chortled, spinning around. "What do you think,
Roland? I even dressed myself- couldn't find the dresser...could you
get those top four buttons for me?"
Numbly Roland turned to Joy. "But of course dear." He gave Julie a
final longing glance before turning to assist Joy with her gown.
Julie stared in amazement at her sister's...wanton ways. Having
Roland button her dress? "That is positively indecent!" Julie hissed
softly in her sister's ear. Was Joy trying to ensnare Roland?
Joy looked at her sister in confusion. Indecent? Roland was a
childhood friend- he was like the brother she had never had. It
wasn't like there was any romantic potential there. For a rational
person, Julie was not making much sense.
Vainly attempting to bring some semblance of normalcy back to the scene he smiled at Joy and said "well you look simply breathtaking dear. I dare say Julie and I will hardly see you at the ball you will be so swarmed with admirers."
He glanced quickly at Julie, as if to say that he would like nothing
better than for he and Julie to be left alone at the ball.
Julie took a deep breath. Thought that was what this situation
definitely needed- thought. Some time alone. She had to leave the
garden, leave Roland, let her head clear. "What time is it? Quite
late? I did wish to speak to father before he...left for the evening.
I do not wish to be rude Roland, but I must leave you in the company
of my charming sister. No doubt she will entertain." She stopped her
endless chatter midstream and patted Roland quickly, mechanically on
the shoulder in a way she prayed would look normal but knew would
not. "The ball is quite soon. I will see you then. Or sooner, if you
choose to call." She stopped again and stared at him for a moment. He
loved her? "Goodbye." Julie said abruptly and nearly dashed out of
the garden.
Joy, who had stood by during her sister's feverish babbling, now
turned amazed to Roland. "Lud sir," she said, suddenly
serious, "Whatever did you do to my sister?"
He stood silently for a moment, deciding just how much he could confide
in her. She could certainly help him try and understand how Julie feels but
would she help him? There was only one way to know. "Oh Joy, I...I don't
know how to say this." He took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. "I'm
in love with Julie." He honestly did not know what to expect from Joy at
this but he hoped she would be an ally in this war for Julie's affections.
Julie and Roland together! Joy could not think of anything
better. "In love with Julie? Roland you really are the Romeo! You can
really be my brother now!" Joy stopped, puzzled. It was not a happy
Julie who had just left the garden. Nor did Roland possess the
confidence of a satisfied lover. Joy sighed and plopped herself on
the bench, patting the seat beside her. "Come on now," she
coaxed. "You had better sit down and tell me about it."
Wearily he obeyed Joy's request and took the seat next to her on
the bench where just moments ago he had been confessing his love to her
sister. "I guess being away for so long gave me a new perspective. While I
was in France she was all I could think about but I just assumed it was
loneliness. That is, until I saw her again." A large grin spread over his face
at the thought of Julie, until the reality of the his last encounter with
her sunk in. "But I am afraid she is not exactly...ummm...receptive to my
advances," he said with a deep sigh. Quietly, almost to himself but loud
enough for Joy to hear, he continued. "I don't know what I'll do without
her. She is my second self, my equal and my likeness. Lud, she can practically read my mind she knows me so well!" Suddenly, with a defeated sob, he hid his face in his hands and breathed deeply to prevent from breaking down right there with the emotion of the past few hours. "Oh Joy, you know Julie better than
anyone. Is it possible that she could love me?" he asked with a pleading look in his eyes as he lifted his face from his hands. Inwardly he prayed that it
was possible, for he truly did not know what he would do if she did not
love him.
Joy was amazed at the sudden change in Roland from light hearted
friend to despairing lover. Roland had thought of Julie the entire
time in France? But Julie didn't know this...and Joy knew her sister
was very insecure in winning others affection. But was it possible
for Roland to win her love? "More than just possible." she told
him. "I am certain she could love you. Julie needs very much to be
loved. But you have to win her slowly...and I guess, reasonably.
Julie will not take to these Romeo and Juliet dramatics- coming back
from years away and suddenly proclaiming undying love." Joy
shrugged. "She loved you once, why not again?"
Of course Joy was right. Julie was far too logical and reasonable to
allow herself to simply fall blindly for these sudden protestations of
love. He would simply have to take things slowly and a bit more calmly than
he did today. Well, he thought, that shouldn't be too difficult. After
all, his antics this afternoon were far from normal behavior for him. But
wait, what had Joy said? She loved him once? A sudden rush surged through
him as he stared at Joy with a fire in his normally calm sea green eyes.
"She loved me once? What do you mean Joy?" His pulse was suddenly racing
and his hands were trembling slightly as he looked to Joy for some
explanation.
Joy was a bit embarrassed now. "Well, Roland...we both adored you
as girls, you must know. Me in a light hearted way...you always
played the dashing hero of all our make believes after all. But with
Julie...it was always more serious. Then of course, you grew up. You
changed. You were gone before you left really. You still came to
visit us, but the talk turned to this and that person you had
met...Sometimes I think Julie's more bitter diatribes against society
stem from this...you abandoned us for that. Then of course society
abandoned you and there was more time for the country girls of your
childhood...We all grew so close again...It's a wonder Julie will
still learn French...another thing that stole you." Joy didn't know
when, if, Julie had stopped loving Roland. "She probably talked
herself out of it with her wonderful sensibilities..." Joy muttered
to herself.
His heart broke at the thought of having caused his beloved Julie any
pain. "I...I had no idea she felt that way, Joy. I was just stupid then
and...well..." With a shake of his head he turned and met Joy's gaze with
an apologetic look. "I can't justify what I did. I shouldn't have
abandoned you and Julie for the fickle, shallow society that I became a part
of." There was nothing else to say. He could do nothing to take back the
hurt he caused the girls, all he could do was apologize and swear never to
abandon his dearest friends, and especially Julie his love, again. "I swear
to you Joy that I will never take advantage of you and Julie's friendship
again. Both of you mean too much to me, regardless of what happens between
Julie and I, for me to ever risk losing the two of you again." He still had
no idea how to go about wooing Julie. She was nothing like the typical
society flower that he was experienced with. She was brilliant, sensitive,
intellectual...everything his heart could want but nothing like any of the
materialistic young ladies who had dropped like so much rubbish at the first
sign of trouble. The typical methods of flowers and gifts and meaningless
compliments would not work on Julie. Not only was she far more intelligent
and sophisticated than that, she knew Roland better than anyone else in the
world and could see into his soul at a single glance. With a desperate tone
in his voice he pleaded for help with this difficult task. "Oh Joy, what am
I to do? I've never tried to win the affections of someone like Julie
before. Normally I would just shower her with gifts but I know Julie well
enough to know that won't work. Please, can you help me?" He knew that Joy
was his best chance at gaining some insight into Julie's heart and mind and
he prayed that she could guide him.
Joy took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if even she knew her
sister that well. "You are right that gifts won't work. And Julie
needs more than words and actions even. You will have to go slowly.
She needs certainty. Julie feels there are only two people in this
world who have never abandoned her and who will always love her- my
father and I. If there was going to be a third person, you would be
it, I am sure. But not so quickly. Other than that...I don't know how
to woo my sister. I've never seen it successfully done before."
Roland sighed and shut his eyes tightly against the tears that
he felt welling up inside. Julie had been far more hurt by his actions,
both before and after he left England, than he had ever realized. How could
she believe that he could ever stop loving her? It truly broke his heart to
think that she believed him capable of ever feeling anything but the deepest
love and respect for her. Well, he thought, if certainty is what she needs
than certainty is what she will get. Finally he looked up at Joy and
spoke. "Certainty, eh? Well I have no intention of being anywhere but
exactly where she needs me ever again." His voice dropped to a quiet,
reverent tone as he continued. "God help me, I am not letting her get away from
me." As he thought of her he remembered the pained look on her face when
she left and his heart clenched. He could not leave her like that. He must
see her again before he left, just to wish her goodnight. He would do
nothing more than bid her good evening and return to his own lodgings, he
swore. The last thing he or Julie needed was a repeat of the scene in the
garden this earlier this afternoon. "Thank you, Joy...for everything." He
gave her a grateful smile as he stood up. "I shall go bid your sister good
evening. Perhaps I will stop again tomorrow afternoon." As he spoke he
steeled his nerves to see Julie again. He honestly had no idea what to expect,
she looked so...he couldn't even describe how she had looked when she
fled from the garden but it had deeply concerned him.
"I will see you later then." Joy said softly. "Good luck." She
watched him leave the garden and thought about how lucky her sister
was. Sometime Joy would like to be loved as intensely as Roland was
loving Julie. There was still an awful lot of time though! Joy
gathered up the books that had been abandoned when Roland arrived.
She would stay in the garden another quarter of an hour and allow the
pair to say their goodbyes. "I hope I meet someone terribly exciting
at the ball," Joy thought. "It won't due to play the third wheel all
evening." Joy sat down to finish Hamlet- how surprised Monsieur
Chenard would be when she had her reading done for the afternoon and
Julie did not!
He entered the house and looked about for a sign of where Julie had gone before mounting the stairs to the sitting room where she often went to read.
Once she had escaped the garden scene, Julie slowed down and
allowed herself time to think. What had just happened? Roland loved
her? After all this time, he loved her (Julie felt like a very old
eighteen year old)? What was she to do now? The questions kept coming
and Julie did not feel like dealing with them. She sought her secret
refuge in the music room. Music and books were the truly distracting
elements in Julie's life. Julie did not have the talent Joy had- she
didn't perform for the guests, just sat back and clapped politely.
But she loved music...it satisfied the passionate side she so often
kept hidden. She crept into to the room and sat down at the piano,
running her fingers lovingly over the keys. As usual, she made up her
music, singing a song about girl who's certainty was suddenly
shattered by an unexpected love. She stopped often, searching for
notes or rhymes...but to her this was the ultimate emotional release.
As he climbed the stairs he heard the sounds of someone at the piano and
followed it down the hall to the music room. Julie often played the piano
to calm down so he really wasn't terribly surprised to find her there. As
he approached the open door he cleared his throat lightly to announce his
presence.
Julie heard him and jumped back from the piano. She hoped he
hadn't heard her lyrics- she had been singing about him after all.
She took a deep breath and gently placed her hands back on the keys,
searching her mind for something to say. She always had something
intelligent to say- why were words failing her now?
As he entered he was momentarily taken aback by the image Julie
at the piano. She looked so breathtakingly beautiful and serene. Lud, but
these feelings were so new to him. He hardly knew how to react to them, as
was evident by his behavior today. Timidly he approached the piano where
Julie sat. "Hello m'dear." As he spoke he stood next to her and gently ran
one hand down her soft red hair.
Julie closed her eyes and involuntarily leaned towards his touch.
Despite her sense and inhibitions, it felt natural; it felt right and
for a moment she gave in. She caught herself and sat up straight and
stiff. "Good evening Roland," she said calmly, standing and closing
the lid to the piano. "Did the garden cease to interest you?"
As he touched her he felt her ever so slightly lean into his touch. His
heart leapt as she yielded to the moment but then, just as suddenly as she
had acquiesced, she pulled back as reason regained control from her heart.
She may be ruled by reason but for one brief moment she yielded to her
emotions and suddenly Roland knew that someday, maybe even someday soon, she
would love him as much as he loved her. Finally he answered her question.
"Oh of course not, but it is growing late and I have some quite a lot of
business to attend to get myself re-established here in England." Lud
Roland, he thought, enough of this mindless babbling. Get to the point and
get out of there man! Taking a deep breath he began. "I'm...I'm sorry if I
shocked you in the garden earlier darling. I know this is all very new to
you. It is to me too" he said with a laugh. With his voice softer and a
more serious tone he continued. "But I swear to you Julie, I will not
abandon you again like I did before. It was a cruel and thoughtless thing
of me to do, to ignore you for the sake of those so called society friends I
used to have. I know I can't take it back, but I swear I will not hurt you
like that again." With a sigh he absentmindedly stroked Julie's hair again,
hardly thinking about what he was doing, simply knowing that it felt right.
He was sorry he had shocked her in the garden? And yet he
continued to bombard her feelings with more words and actions of
love. And how did he know she felt abandoned? She had never given any
indication of it, only smiled and congratulated him on his new place
in society. He said he would not hurt her again...how many chances
was she supposed to give? She could not bear to give in...she
couldn't have her heart ripped apart again...once society had
accepted him again...what use would he have for a naive country girl?
Julie pulled away from him. "I am not a cat, Roland." She snapped,
accidentally lashing out in her confusion. "You need not pet my head
to pacify me." Julie felt dizzy with confusion. She moved blindly
away from Roland, to the nearest chair. She stumbled as she walked.
How could her limbs be expected to function properly when all her
energy went into keeping her emotions in check?
Roland stumbled away from her as she lashed out at him. Confused and
hurt he looked at her with wide eyes. "I...I'm sorry Julie. I didn't...I
just..." He fumbled over his words, honestly having no idea what to say.
He had never seen her lash out at anyone like this. His previous hope of
winning her crumbled in front of his very eyes and his chest tightened as he
watched her flee across the room from him. He had his pride, by god, and he
refused to stay here and let her rage at him while his heart broke, no
matter how much her loved her. He slowly walked over to her and gazed with
a pained expression into her eyes as he placed a single delicate kiss upon
her forehead. "I shall see you on the doll of the ball m'dear" he said
quietly as he walked from the room with as much dignity as he could muster.
As soon as he was in the hallway he collapsed onto the floor in a heap of
emotion. He hadn't been in this much pain since his father died and at the
time he believed that nothing could ever cause him the heartache that that
had. Silently he sobbed with his head in his hands, too exhausted to care.
"Oh my god", Julie thought, "what have I done?" She had not meant
to hurt him, the words had just slipped out...but she knew as much as
anyone how much harm a few careless words could do. "I've ruined
things. He'll leave me again. He'll never come back." Julie had to
hold back her own tears, as she wondered if it was better to stop
whatever this could be now before she was hurt far worse. But no, she
couldn't let him leave like that. Julie was sure she had never seen
such acute human suffering in her life. She didn't want to give
herself time to think things through rationally. She rushed out the
door...and almost tripped over his huddled, sobbing form. Julie knelt
down besides him, taking his head in her lap and rocking him as if he
were a small child. Comfort was the goal here...apology, not
propriety. "I'm sorry." she told him softly. "I didn't mean it. It
was cruel. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry Roland. Please don't cry. Not
for me."
Calmed by her gentle touch he gazed up at her as she spoke. "If I cry
for anyone Julie it will be for you. No one I have ever known is capable of
evoking the emotions in me that you do. I...I don't quite understand it
but..." He stopped, somewhat at a loss for words. Finally, not having any
other explanation or thought, he calmly said "I love you, Julie. It's as
simple as that." Remembering the reaction he got the last time he said such
things he continued. "I understand if you don't feel the same way, I just
wanted you to know how I feel." As he spoke he sat up and leaned close in
to Julie's gentle form. With his head on her shoulder and he grasped her
hands and looked at her hopefully. "Julie, please just tell me. Do you
love me? Could you love me?" As he spoke the words he tried desperately to
enjoy being huddled on the floor being comforted by her. For all he knew
this could be the last time he would be this close to her.
So Roland was still insisting he loved her. Well, at least she
knew he didn't hate her for her cruel words. She held his gaze a
moment. "You move too fast Roland." She looked away from him, not
wanting to see any pain in his eyes. "You move too fast." She stood
up and kissed him gently on the cheek- a sisterly kiss, she told
herself.
Roland's cheek, and in fact his soul, were ablaze from the tender brush
of Julie's lips. He could not bear this much longer and exclaimed,
frustrated mostly with his own rash behavior than with her indecision, "lud
Julie, you know this isn't like me!" Standing up and moving a bit closer to
Julie he gazed at her and said, barely above a whisper, "But I just don't
know what I'll do without you." He was being completely genuine and his
heart swelled with his love for her as he gazed into her shining green eyes.
Julie thought a moment and spoke carefully. There had been enough
talk of love for one night. But she could not bear to see him crumple
again. "No one said you had to do without me Roland. We are wonderful
friends...I would be miserable if you 'did without me' now that you
are back. But we are both sensible people Roland. You must realize
how rash this is. Give me...give us both time. Right now, having just
returned...you could be reaching out, clinging to a friendly face...I
don't know. You are my dear friend Roland. That will never change.
Give it time."
Time. Suddenly the word was his most hated enemy. But, he
thought with a sigh, there was hope. He simply needed to calm himself and allow
Julie the time she claimed to need. He could do this. After all, he
really didn't have much choice now did he? With a loving glimmer in his
eye he looked at Julie and said "I will be right here whenever you're
ready. Just promise me one thing." He smirked mischievously at her as his eyes
twinkled mischievously and continued. "That you won't get too mad when I do
this." And with this he leaned very close to her and slowly kissed her
softly on the cheek, letting his lips linger on her pale skin a second more
than was entirely proper.
Julie could not stop herself from briefly closing her eyes and
enjoying the kiss. She thought she had received more kisses this
night than any other time in her life. When she opened her eyes, she
was smiling. This joking yet loving boy...well, she guessed he was a
man now...and perhaps she was a woman. But this was more like the
Roland she knew. She playfully swatted at his shoulder. "Not too
mad," she teased, relieved that the mood had changed.
His heart soared when he saw the broad smile on Julie's face as he opened
his eyes. She truly was everything he could ever wish for; intelligent,
sensitive, beautiful, kind, and, as she had so recently demonstrated,
possessing a wonderful sense of humor. As they stood in the hallway he
reached his hand over and entwined her fingers with his own, treasuring the
brief yet potent physical contact with this lovely siren who had been
calling him with her beautiful song, all the while unaware of the effect her
sweet music was having on his soul.
Julie smiled at him but untangled her fingers. It was difficult
to keep from giggling at his persistence. "Time Roland." she
reproached teasingly. "That was not even a minute yet!"
Roland laughed at her teasing. "I did promise didn't I? Well, I guess
it wouldn't be a very good start for me to go back on that now would it?"
he said jokingly. With a glint in his eyes of sheer joy at their
companionship he smiled at her and said "but don't expect my patience to
last too long m'dear. You are a dreadfully beautiful woman and I only have
so much strength to resist you." With this he gave her hand a loving
squeeze as he laughed at his own persistence.
Beautiful. That was a new one. Julie had never been the beautiful
twin. Someone had even said it once- within her hearing: "Julie and
Joy are identical, but Joy is so much more beautiful than her sister.
She has such a zest for life, while that sister of hers is so quiet
and withdrawn." Beautiful! Such things had never mattered much, but
she liked it. "Oh come Roland," Julie joined in his laughter, "You
don't look terribly weak. Of course looks can be deceiving." she
teased, drawing away from him and heading toward the sitting room,
where she hoped he would follow. Who carried on conversations in the
middle hallways?
With a laugh he followed Julie to the sitting room. "Oh, you have
wounded me to the quick Madame!" he said with a mock dramatic tone in his
voice. "But in all honesty," he continued more seriously "I feel more
prepared to face a thousand men armed to the teeth than to try and resist
your charms. You underestimate your own appeal my darling." As they
entered the sitting room he sat down on the lovely upholstered couch that
sat along one wall and patted the seat next to him, beckoning her to his
side.
Julie knew she should bid him goodbye. She should send him on his
way to run the errands he spoke of. But now that the tone of the
evening had lightened, it would be easy to spend the entire night
with her friend. She was so easy and comfortable around him. She
shrugged and sat down beside him...but not too close. "A thousand
men? La, and who would win such a battle? I think you should avoid
such fights. We wouldn't want you getting hurt..." The clock in the
sitting room chimed four, cutting her off. "Oh! I have not finished
my school work yet!" There was no way she could finish Hamlet before
discussion time...should she even attempt it or just enjoy her time
with Roland?
"Oh come Julie, can't you postpone it for one evening. After all, how
often is it that your dear friend surprises you with his return from a long
journey abroad? I'm not ever leaving again without you so this may be the
only time you get to use this excuse" he said with a glimmer in his eye that
made him look somewhat younger than his 24 years.
He'll never leave England without me again, eh? Julie laughed at
the thought of keeping Roland prisoner in their home country. "Well,
when you put it that way..." Oh yes, Roland still held a power over
her. To keep Julie from her school work was a mighty task indeed. "I
must admit I am not up to the dreariness of Hamlet. And whenever we
discuss Shakespeare, all Joy can do is insist we go over Romeo and
Juliet again!" She looked at Roland. "Hmmm...all that versus you."
Julie pretended to carefully weigh the choices. "I think I'll stay!"
she burst out.
Roland felt a broad smile creep across his face at the prospect of
spending a few more moments alone with Julie. They were having such a
lovely now and he could think of nowhere else he would rather be at this
moment. "I daresay you made the right choice m'dear. But alas, I am always
eager for your company and as such may be a bit biased" he said with a
teasing glint in his eyes.
"Well I will allow it sir," Julie said, waving her hand like a
queen dismissing her subject. "But only if you continue to be biased
in my favor." Julie smiled.
Continuing the charade he nodded his head in a mock bow. "I could never
be biased in anyone else's favor m'dear. No one else has the power over me
that you do, after all." With this he gave her a quick serious glance.
Despite the humor and lightheartedness of the situation this particular
comment was the complete and utter truth.
"Roland, what are your plans now that you
are back in England?" She was yearning to know what and where he
would be.
"Well the Woodridge estate is still in good condition. I hired a small
staff to look after the old house while I was away and they did a marvelous
job so it's in perfectly good condition for me to move back into." With a
gentle smile he moved ever so slightly closer to Julie on the couch. "My
first priority now that I'm back is, of course, to be here by your side
whenever possible. There is nowhere else on earth that I would rather be
and I have no intention of letting any time that could be spent with you
pass me by." He leaned in and smelled her long red hair before kissing her
on the cheek yet again, allowing his lips to linger just long enough for a
spark to surge through him. "You promised not to get angry" he said, with a
mischievous smile on his face and a joyful glint in his eye.
Julie smiled. She couldn't help but find the humor in the
situation. No matter what she turned the conversation to, it came
back to her...and him. His plans for permancy in England were more
important to her than any love words. It was no longer a surprise
when Roland leaned in towards her after his gentle words and she
checked herself from raising her cheek slightly to meet his lips. It
was strange, the chills that ran through her at this small gesture.
She'd received many kisses on the cheek before during her life. They
had never mattered. She slowly brought her hand to her cheek, as if
trying to contain the feeling the kiss caused. Julie sighed in mock
exasperation. "That I did. But you do need a proper scolding." She
smiled and swatted at his shoulder again. "I should have made you
promise to behave!"
"Oh and where would the fun be in that m'dear?" he said with a light
laugh. "I've done my share of behaving in my lifetime and I assure you,
this is far more pleasurable." As he spoke the last sentence he moved his
hand to her face and ever so gently lifted her chin so that their eyes met
in an intense gaze. "My word..." he said with a reverent sigh "you are an
enchanting woman Julie." He slowly moved his hand from her chin to gently
brush back a stray lock of hair from her porcelain pale forehead, all the
while locking her eyes in his gaze. The voice of reason screamed to him
inside his head to cease this torment before he drove himself mad, but his
heart and soul had taken over this evening and they would not let him
relinquish her for even a moment.
It was frightening. It was like a spell, the way she was drawn to
him...how she could not break away from his gaze. She did not believe
in this sort of thing...yet for some reason that did not make it
cease to be. As she stared into his eyes she could feel her resolve
crumbling with each moment. "Don't let this go too fast. Don't let it
go too far." She warned herself over and over. "It could be gone
tomorrow for all you know." Once again her head started spinning as
she slowly reached a hand up, trance-like, to touch his cheek. She
drew in a sharp breath and stopped herself inches from his face. "As
I said," Julie had to take deep breaths to speak. "You are biased,
sir." She looked away from him and folded her hands firmly in her lap
to keep them from causing anymore trouble.
For a few moments, they were truly together. Two souls locked in sync,
if only for mere moments. It was intoxicating being with her like this and
he was incapable of thinking of anything but her. Silently, he took one of
her hands from her lap, clasped it in his and drew it to his cheek. By god,
if she wanted to return his affection, he was not about to let her talk
herself out of it. "Julie," he said quietly, with a gentle yet somewhat
pleading tone in his voice. "Please darling, just let yourself feel. Don't
talk yourself out of this." He knew she was afraid, lud but he was too, but
he knew this was right and he wished that she could feel that as much as he
did. He closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling of her hand on his skin.
His breath was uneven and shallow and he trembled slightly at the nearness
of her.
Once again she was drawn in as she watched him take her hand in
his and move it to his cheek. It was the depth of his eyes...they
were what held her in the trance. With his eyes closed, the rational
thoughts once again started yelling in her head. Reason and emotion
were tearing at her, but reason had always been stronger. There had
to be a subject they could talk about that did not include love or
beauty or the two of them entwining fingers. But first, another small
chastisement. It was easy to ignore love and be playful when those
compelling eyes of his were closed. With a giggle she took her other
hand to his other cheek and tried to ignore his surprise as she scolded him again. "Roland, we said slowly, right?" With her hands she nodded
his head. "And you will promise me that you'll behave yourself as
your poor confused Julie wished it, right?" Again, she nodded his
head in her hands. "Good boy!" she laughed.
With the trance of her eyes broken he could calm down, if only
slightly. He laughed at her insistence as she nodded his head in
answer to her own questions. "I will do my best, my darling, but I'm
afraid it will be quite a trial," he said with a dramatic sigh. He
took his hand in his and gazed in her eyes once more, but only for a
moment. "Just promise me this. That you won't leave me in limbo for
any longer than you have to?" he said in a pleading tone. "I want
you to be certain, but...well...I honestly don't know how long I can
be expected to behave." He said this with a mischievous tone but in
his heart he knew that it would indeed be a challenge to maintain his
composure in her entrancing presence.
Julie sighed. Limbo...she didn't mean to keep him in limbo. It
was difficult for her to understand that she was even in a position
to do so. Still, he was terribly dramatic about the whole thing. "La
Roland," she laughed. "It's not even been two hours yet." It was
easiest to ignore the seriousness of the questions he threw in with
his jests. "And you know..." She hesitated, wondering how much she
should say..."It's very difficult to think anything through clearly
when you are staring at me with those eyes of yours." Julie nervously
raked her teeth across her upper lip. Perhaps she should not have said
that...