Hey! Calm down! Pokémon is anime too! Granted, it's not
MY favorite, but these are good enough characters and The Fans want to
Know so shut up and put up and let's have some fun, shall we? ~evil grin~
The characters we have tonight are Ash, Misty, Jesse, James, Hitmonlee,
Nurse Joy and a mystery guest Pokémon that will be executed later
on.
Ash; WHAT?!
Misty; WHO?!
Jesse & James; Please be Meowth! Please be Meowth! Please Please PLEASE be Meowth!
~grins~ That... is a secret!
Nurse Joy; This isn't Slayers. ~sighs~ I shure wish it was... that Xellos is a BABE!!
On to the first Question!!! You! Name please! ~aside~ I am NOT getting trapped in that name thing again.
Ash; It's Ash!
Misty; Ash! You're supposed to respond 'Ash desu!'
Ash; Why? This isn't Pocket Monsters, it's Pokémon!
Jesse; There's a difference?
James; Whaddaya know!
Hitmonlee; dude...
Misty; psst! Hitmonlee, you're not supposed to talk, remember?
Hitmonlee; Oh, right, sorry!
Misty; ~glare~
Hitmonlee; ~cower~ um... Hitmonlee?
Misty; Better.
Ash! Why did you pick Pikachuu to be your Pokémon?
Ash; I dunno. Seemed like a good idea at the time. That, and I was suffering from a major craving for a banana split, and you know, Pikachuu's bright yellow so...
Misty; I thought Professor Oak gave Pikachuu to you.
Ash; Nah, that was a rumor.
Why didn't you boot the rat when it didn't listen to you?
Jesse; Ooh, I like the way that came out.
Ash; What kind of a role model would I be for the kids if I'd done that?!
Misty; yeah! Don't you agree Nurse Joy?
Nurse Joy; ~is painting nails~ Hm?
James; Ooh! Is that that new colour? It matches my hair, don't you think?
Nurse Joy; Yeah! It does. Wanna try some?
James; You bet! I've got a cocktail dress this would go splendidly with!
... let's move on. You, name please.
Misty; It's impolite to point, you know.
Ash; Misty, don't be mean to the interviewer, I'm sure that's a deciding factor on which Pokémon she's gonna execute!
Misty; Oh, well in that case, she can have Psyduck.
Jesse; Koduck
Misty; ~sniffs~ We're going by the English version, remember, Musashi?
Ash; Sushi? Where?
Misty; Shut up, Ash!
You're a mean little girl, aren't you?
Misty; Well, he wrecked my bike!
Ash; It was all Pikachuu's fault!
Jesse; I just thought the problem was your ponitail was too tight.
Misty; Are you saying that the hairspray that makes your hair do that is what makes you such an airhead?
Jesse; HOW dare you! Besides, I use the same brand as Trowa, just a slightly lesser strength.
So, Misty, who would you rather marry, Brock or Ash?
Misty; Ew.
James; Why wasn't I a choice?
Well... you're either gay, or Jesse's, no one can quite tell which, so we generally leave you alone.
James; Oh. ~returns to painting nails~
Jesse; ~red~
Misty; Do I have to choose?
Oh, you're a threesome girl. Gotcha.
Misty; What?!
On that note we'll move on to... J-- you!! Name please!
Jesse; I'm Jesse! Prepare for Trouble!
James; Make it double!
Spare us.
Jesse & James; ~pout~
Everyone else; ~sighs in relief~
How do you feel about the recent card decks dedicated to you?
Jesse; It's about damn time!
Misty; Hey! Language!
For once I'm with her! There's kids watching this show! For shame!
Jesse; Sorry.
So, how long have you and James been an item?
Jesse; We're only partners. We are not an item.
Misty; O.o
Ash; lol! Sure!
Seriously.
Jesse; ~in tears~ All right all right!! Every night we drug Meowth and have hot sex for a whole fifteen minutes!!
James; ~falls off chair~
Nurse Joy; You spilt my Nail Polish!! You owe me a bottle!
James; ~mumbles into floor~ No problem...
James, what do you have to say in response to Jesse's confession?
James; I thought it was twenty!
Jesse; Oh, AS IF!! Twenty? In your dreams, maybe!
James; Not even nineteen?
Jesse; Idiot!
So, James, is there any reason why you're hair looks suspiciously like a bad impersonation of Mirai Trunks?
Misty; Let me guess, he's Bulma's illegitamate child with Kame Sen'nin?
Ash; Trunks' illegitamate child with Pan?
Nurse Joy; Vejiita's illegitamate child with #18?
All; O.O
Nurse Joy; I had to say something.
Jesse; ~scratches head~ Vejiita and #18?
Nurse Joy; I've never seen the series! I just hear about it from my sister in Cerullian City who's OBSESSED with Yamcha! I mean, really, it's sickening!
James; No.
Well?
James; Baby Trunks is my hero.
You Like Baby Trunks?!?!?!?!?!?!
James; Yeah! Wanna make something of it?
You're on!
James; Wheezing! I choose you!
um... um... TASUKI! I CHOOSE YOU!!
Misty; Tasuki's not a Pokemon!!
Tasuki; LEKKA SHINEN!!!
James; MY WHEEZING!!! ~tries to stuff pile of ashes into pockets~
No, but Tasuki's much more effective. Thanks, Tasu.
Tasuki; No problem, but remember, you promised. No more chair.
No more chair.
Ash; So does that count as the executed Pokémon? Ack! Hey, James! I'm Ash, but I'm not ashes!
Tasuki; I could fix that for you.
Ash; ah heheheheheh...
No, that doesn't count. I'll interview Nurse Joy and then we'll get on with that.
Misty; I don't know how you could be so cruel!
Nurse Joy; Hey! I get to be interviewed too!
That you do! First off, how many of you are there?
Nurse Joy; We've lost count, actually. I know that there's definately more of us than there are of Quatre's sisters.
Okay... is there any particular reason why you're all nurses?
Nurse Joy; mm, family profession. But not all of us are. I have a cousin in Pewter city who's an accountant.
Any relation to Officer Jenny?
Nurse Joy; Oh, we're all related. She's from my father's side of the family. Or was it my brother...?
All; ~gapes~
Nurse Joy; Oh! We're all inbred! Why do you think we all look alike?!
Ash; ~snicker~ I can't wait to tell Brock!
Jesse; What an obvious reason! Why didn't I think of that?
Misty; I could think of a few reasons...
James; Watch what you say about my Woman, you. She's all I got left now that Wheezing's gone!
Jesse; WHOSE woman?
James; Well, at least for seventeen minutes a night!
Jesse; Fifteen!
James; Who's counting?
Misty; Hey, Ash, tonight d'ya wanna try and break their record?
Ash; ~brightens~ Yeah!
... That's enough interviewing. On to the event we've all been waiting for! The Execution of a Pokémon!
Misty; All right, which is it?
Hitmonlee; Hey! You didn't interview me!
What's the point? All you ever say is your name!
Hitmonlee; Hm, you have a point.
Oh, Hiiro!
==From the sidelines emerges a stone-faced young boy with chestnut hair wearing a green tank top and black bicycle shorts. In a cage he is carrying--==
Misty; TOGEPI!!!!!
Ash; Togepi?
Jesse, James, & Joy; Togepi?!
Hitmonlee; ~lights cigarette~ There goes the neighborhood.
Misty; SHUT UP!! ~in tears~
~evil grin~ Go for it, Hiirokun!
Hiiro; ~sets Togepi on pedestal in a puddle of superglue, steps back, withdraws gun~ (from where?!)
Togepi; To-Ge-Pi!
==Hiiro shoots gun and poor Togepi goes bye-bye. The audience goes wild, some cheering ecstatically, some bemoaning in agony.==
Hiiro; hn.
Misty; NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! ~begins crying in earnest in Ash's arms~
Ash; You're evil.
I know.
Hiiro; Mission Accomplished. ~leaves stage~
James; ~pats Misty on shoulder~ I feel for you sister.
Well that's it for this installment folks. I hope you'll return next time when we interview from Magic Knight Rayearth, Hikaru, Umi, Fuu, Clef, Lantis, Eagle, Emeraude, and Because the Fans Want to Know Mokona!! Thank you, and for being such a wonderful audience, you all get a bowl of Squirtle Soup on your way out. Good night, and good eating.
Ash; S-S-Squirtle Soup?! ~checks pokeballs~ WAAAAHHH! MY SQUIRTLE!!!!
[Written by Inseiko, 2000, in the same day as Fushigi Yuugi installment two. It's scary when I get writer's block, isn't it?]