Moshimoshi?
Subaru; Su-sumimasen....
Ah! Subarukun! How's my cat?
Subaru; Fine. Um... just out of curiosity... who's doing the interviews while you're gone?
Hm? Oh, the producer said she'd find someone if any dire specials had to be done while I was away.
Subaru; Producer. Right. Ano...
Still worried about the Seishirou thing?
Subaru; uh...
Don't worry about it dear. I have faith in Hiiro, Tasuki, and Duo. ~pulls down sunglasses for a better look at her companion~ You know, Subarukun, you would not believe how good Wuchan looks in swimtrunks.
Wufei; ~glares~
Kagome; What? no speedo?
The Fans
Want to Know off season ^_^
a.k.a. 'Duo in Wonderland'
Wuchan's not a speedo kinda guy ^_^v
Hiiro hands Tasuki some of the tea Dorothy gave him.
Tasuki; ~peers at tea~ Is this really safe?
Hiiro; Likely not.
Regardless, they both drink, and lo! They are big again.
**
While falling, Duo realizes that he doesn't really want to land on his head again and flails about trying to right himself. He lands on his head anyway.
Duo; OW!
Must be a curse or something. ^^
Duo; ~sits up and rubs head~ Now where am I?
Duo looks around and spies a large tree.
Duo; Ahh! Big tree! Seishirou! Someone help meeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
Cheshire Cat; ~purr (an actual one, not like Dorothy wuz)~ Why?
Duo; cuz I forgot my gun with Rilina!
Soi; That sounds like a bad thing.
Duo; S-Soi?
Come to think of it, this is a completely different tree. Not to mention that there's no sakura in the air, no darkness (well, there is, but a completely different kind) and he's still wearing his school uniform.
While Duo is letting all this sink in, Soi and the Cheshire Cat emerge from the tree and eye Duo lustfully.
Cheshire Cat; Onamae wa?
Duo; Not this again.... Duo desu.
Cheshire Cat; That is a cute name.
Soi; ~nods and reaches out to take Duo's braid in her hands~
Duo; ~nervous titter~ ano... Can you two tell me where I am?
Cheshire Cat; ~while idly playing with the front of his jacket~ You are here.
Duo; Where is here?
Soi; ~while undoing his braid~ Here is here.
Duo; ~sweatdrop~ That... uh, doesn't help me.... Um, um, ~bats at Cheshire Cat's wandering hands~ What's your name. I know Soi, but...
Cheshire Cat; Watashi wa Cheshire Cat desu.
Duo; ~bigger sweatdrop~ That's nice. I think I know where I am now!
Soi and the Cheshire Cat pounce, and toss Duo to the ground. They both position themselves on top of him, with Cheshire Cat busying herself with his pants, and Soi leaning in for the kiss--
Duo; ~squeezes eyes shut and cringes~
...
Nothing happens.
Duo opens his eyes and looks around. Neither Soi nor the Cheshire Cat are in sight. Quickly he gives himself the once over; he's intact, he has his clothes, and as far as he can tell... nothing happened. Fwew! Duo's never been so relieved in his life! He picks himself up and finds himself face to face with a young woman in a rather revealing white rose costume.
Duo; WHAAA! ~falls over~
Hilde; ~smile~ Ohaiyo Gozaimasu!
Duo; Rilina?
Hilde; ~question mark appears above her head~ Watashi wa Hilde desu. Onamae wa?
Duo; ~groans~
**
Tasuki; Are we there yet?
Hiiro; No.
Tasuki; Are we there yet?
Hiiro; No.
Tasuki; Are we there yet?
Hiiro; No.
Tasuki; When are we gonna be there?
Hiiro; The better question is, where are we and why can't I get my gun?
Tasuki; ~swallows~ Where do you keep your gun anyway?
Hiiro; Hammerspace.
Tasuki; Shoulda known... wait! You can't access hammerspace? I know where we are! What's the one place where you can't use hammerspace to protect all ecchi from large unwieldy mallets?!
Hiiro; I don't keep up with Shoujo. Why don't you just tell me?
Tasuki; We're in Wonderland.
Hiiro; Wonderland.
Tasuki; yeah!
Hiiro; Then why does that backwards sign that just appeared behind you say Welcome to Mirror Land?
Tasuki; ~turns and sees sign~ AUGH! That's even worse!
Hiiro; Why?
Tasuki; Because! Interviewer said that Naga was stuck playing chess with herself! That means she's with Humpty Dumpty... HERE!! In Mirror Land!
Hiiro; ~monotone~ I want my gun back.
**
Duo; ~decides he might as well~ Duo desu.
Hilde; Duo? That's a cute--
Card #1; Hildechan! Time for your painting!
Hilde; Hai!
Without much better to do, Duo follows Hilde to the group of Cards and Roses in the midst of a painting session. It seems all the cards are painting the roses red instead of white.
Duo; Ano... can I ask you something?
Card #1; 'm busy.
Duo; But... why are you painting them red?
Card #2; Because the queen wants red roses, and we accidentally painted white. If we don't get these painted right away, we're gonna be punished.
Duo; Damn. Tough break. Also, have you guys seen this guy--
Card #1; Wai! I want to be punished!
Duo; -.- Nani?
Card #3; Wai! Me too!
Other Cards; Me too! Me too!
Duo; ~scratches head in confusion, only then realizing that his hair is still out~ Stupid Soi... ~busies himself with his hair~
Cards and Roses; Wai! Jo'oosama! Jo'oosama!
[trans => queen]
Duo turns around and is faced with... the queen... and her new plaything.
Nakago; Omae...
Queen; Hmm... I thought I said I wanted RED roses!
Roses; ~blink~
Cards; It's my fault! It's my fault! Punish me! Punish me!
Queen; ~looks down and notices Duo~ Onamae wa?
Duo; ~is backing away~ D-D-D-D-ddddd- Duo.... ~gulp~ desu.
Queen; ~grin~ Duo...
The queen cracks her whip. Duo gives a shout and jumps back.
Queen; Lick my boots!
Duo; Wh-wh-wha-at?
Nakago; ~cracks his whip~ She said lick her boots!
Duo; ~takes in Queen's S&M getup~ Uh... I'd rather not... really... never know where those things've been... you know...
Queen; ~cracks whip again~
Duo; Hey! Watch it!
Queen; Lick. My. Boots.
Nakago; Lick. Her. Boots.
Duo; Just the same.... ~turns and takes off~ YOU DO IT NAKAGO YOU FRUITCAKE!!!
Nakago; Fruitcake!
Queen; ~snaps whips across the palm of her hand~ I like him.
Nakago; ~grin~ Me too.
The Queen and Nakago look at each other with much the same expression Nakago got at the thought of Tamahome.
Nakago; Let's get him. ~chases~
Queen; OH-HOHOHOHOHOHO!!! ~chases as well~
Duo; ~while running~ What did I do to deserve this?!
**
Tasuki; So then Miaka took off all her clothes and Tamahome freaked right out--
Hiiro; Don't you ever shut up? You talk more than Duo.
Tasuki; and she was covered in ice by one of the Genbu sei-- what? Duo? Yeah, hey, where is Duo? You said he'd find us!
Hiiro; He will.
Tasuki; Well how do you know?! What if-- ~appalled~ What if Seishirou's gotten him?!
Hiiro; Hn.
Sometime later, when walking through the floating clumps of dirt...
Tasuki; -- So then Nuri came back to life and caught the big piece of whateveritwas right before it landed on Miaka--
**
Duo is running through the sudden labyrinth that the Queen's castle became. All he's finding is corridor after corridor after corridor...
Duo; Wha-ha-ha! This isn't fair! I want my Shinigami!!
Usagi; It's late! It's late! It's late! It's late!
Duo; Nani? USAGI?!?!
Usagi; ~wink~ It's late!
Duo; ~points at her in outrage~ YOU'RE the one who got me here in the FIRST PLACE!! Take me back!
Usagi; It's late!
Duo; Take me-- ~slams into a wall~ -- back........ ugh. ~falls flat on his back~ (but not on his head!)
**
Tasuki; -- so Tamahome PUNCHED right through Nakago! Whoo-hoo! You should have seen it!--
**
Seishirou; ~smiles~
**
Kagome; You know, I would love to see Inu Yasha in Wonderland.
Subaru; ~looks at her~ ...
***
[To be Continued. Although I don't have a clue where I'm going to go from here...]
[Written by Inseiko, 2000]