And The Winner Is...

Mulder: Scully, will you hold him still while I get my cell phone out of there?

Scully: Aren't you at least going to use a glove?

From the mind of Christopher Eimers
January 9, 1999


The Runners Up

While Scully confuses the alien with a Vulcan hand salute, Mulder sneaks behind it and administers the neck pinch.

Riff | January 5, 1999
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Mulder-"Scully, what happened to Mark McGwire?!"

Scully-"I'm not sure, but it had something to do with an eggplant."

Mulder-"And they said Androstendione was safe!!!"

LCShipper | January 3, 1999
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barney: i love you, you love me, we're a happy family...

scully and mulder in unison: shut the @!*# up.

lo00oser | January 6, 1999
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Scully: Gambling in Las Vegas is getting way out of hand, Mulder.

Mulder: It's incredible. They even have slot machines in the day care centers now!

Ramoth | January 6, 1999
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Gillian Anderson thinking to herself..."I know his wife's pregnant...and he wanted to pen a baseball X-Files story...but this is ridiculous!"

mingo | January 3, 1999

The Contenders
(in chronological order)

Barney: Duh, Hi everybody! It's now time for the game!

Mulder: C'mon, Scully. Let's whoop the IRS.

KidCat505 | January 3, 1999
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Barney: Hallo kids! Are you ready to have FUN?

Scully & Mulder: NO!

Itay Shlamkovich | January 3, 1999
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Barney: (Singing) "I love Scully, Scully loves me, Please leave Mulder and marry me. We'll have baby dinosaurs and X-Filers too, so say yes, dear Scully, I love you!"

Strawberryshake | January 3, 1999
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Mulder (to CSM): See what good less smoking and more exercise can do for you?

Andorra | January 3, 1999
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Mulder, who is this and what did you do with my Godson?!

Lauren (PMP) | January 3, 1999
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Mulder: I found a clone of Eggplant 9!

Scully: You mean it's an alien? When I shot the original, I thought it was your date!

Mulder: Well...

Chris Ramirez | January 3, 1999
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"I said I wanted to *shop* at Barney's, Mulder, not *meet* Barney!"

Jenna | January 3, 1999
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Scully: "Mulder, I know he may be odd-looking, but the tests say he's my SON!"

Mulder: "Alright, that's it. That black-lunged son-of-a-bitch is going down."

Lily | January 3, 1999
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Mulder: May I cut in?

Scully: Butt out Mulder. I don't care what the Shippers say, even the Eggplant dances better than you did in Post-modern Prometheus.

Lady Sara | January 3, 1999
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Scully: Omigod! Mulder, it can't be!

Mulder: Sad but true, Scully. This is what happens when you abuse over-the-counter steroids. Meet Mark McGwire.

wendy | January 4, 1999
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Scully: My god, Mulder! You mean...

Mulder: That's right! Mark McGwire is actually a human/alien clone!!

Kawcrow | January 4, 1999
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Scully: I think he wants to phone home.

Mulder: Don't ask me, I lost mine on the moving train in Ohio.

Ramoth | January 4, 1999
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Scully: Well, we finally know what the end result is of the Purity Control tests.

Mulder: She is one? He is one? It is one?

Wergel | January 4, 1999
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hey.... Barney's hittin' on my bitch!!

josh5.5 | January 4, 1999
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Duchovny: Gillian, I'd like you to meet my friend, Mr. Willard Scott. He's coaching the "Today Show" baseball team.

Anderson: I do believe he's got more 'Team Spirit' than Bill Davis. Bill's got the whole "10-13 Productions" team gassed on bad cigarettes.

JimO | January 4, 1999
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SCULLY: MULDER IT'S GOT ME!

BARNEY: STOP WITH THE SHOULDER MASSAGE AND YOU'RE DEAD

BGK | January 4, 1999
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mulder: "okay, sir, if you'll just come with me, i'll put you in an isolation booth, and you can play with your balls for as long as you want. okay?"

scully: "i don't think he has balls."

mulder: "what do you call that thing in his hands?"

scully: "ohhhh, BASEballs!"

puddlesky | January 5, 1999
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Scully: Oh my god Mulder!! I could handle the aliens but not this!

Mulder: Mm.. I bet I can throw the better fastball.

jenn | January 5, 1999
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Mulder: Look! It's the most heinious force in the universe!

Scully, Okay, you hold him, I take his ball!

Geckogirl1 | January 6, 1999
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Mulder: The key to the X-Files is right in front of us Scully. Hear me out. If I can teach this purple freak to throw a curveball, he says he'll tell us all he knows. He IS the holy grail, Scully!

Scully: Mulder, have you ever heard this thing talk? It knows absolutely nothing!

Barrie Hoople | January 6, 1999
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Mulder: "Now, Bill, hold still this won't hurt a bit..."

Scully: "It's about time someone took his---"

WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS CAPTION HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR TASTE AND IN THE NAME OF ENDING THE MADNESS...WE NOW RETURN TO THE REVISED VERSION.

Mulder: "Quick, Scully, if you grab the ball we can still stop the double!"

Scully: "I'm trying, Mulder, but he keeps moving his arm."

The Grocer | January 6, 1999
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As Mulder holds the creature back, Scully prepares to give him a real lesson at "hitting".

Sphinx4099@aol.com | January 6, 1999
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Not only is this an alien, Scully, but he sings "I love you" to little children and tells them he wants to their "friend"...

Danae | January 6, 1999
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Mulder: Intelligent life on other planets? I'd say any life forms who know better than to let this creature educate their youngsters is intelligent!

LIZ | January 6, 1999
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Scully: "You're under arrest!!"

Barney: "Because of vandalism by throwing baseballs at people?"

Scully: "Yeh,let's go punk!!"

Fred Reeser | January 6, 1999
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I'm tellin' ya, he means nothing to me, we're just friends!

anonymous | January 7, 1999
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Mulder: I knew we shouldn't of left those grapes in the lab....

Kyle | January 7, 1999
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Mulder, we spent six years searching for this?

Well scully, it's a government conspiracy.

AZRAEL | January 7, 1999
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Mulder...is that a big purple dinosaur you're holding or are you just happy to see me?

Suze | January 7, 1999
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Scully: If you guys can hold that pose, this will be the best Mulder family portrait ever!

Mike Sanders | January 8, 1999
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SCULLY: YOU CAME BACK, WHAT YOU COME BACK FOR MORE ??!!! THIS TIME WE ARE REALLY KICK YOUR @$$!!!!!

Crystal McGinn | January 8, 1999
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Scully: You have the right to remain silent.......

Mulder: It feels good knowing we've caught the most heinous force in history, doesn't it Scully?

Samantha Klingman | January 8, 1999
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I'm a purple freak
you're an obsessed geek
won't you come and take a peek
at my great big storeroom
full of licensed merchandise
adding you two to it would be nice...

creepie | January 8, 1999
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Mulder: Great job, Barney! That was a SUPER-DEE- DUPER catch you made!

Scully: Gimme five!

ladyfox | January 8, 1999
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I love you, you love me, it's all a conspiracy!

PunkitX and Chloe_Almathea | January 8, 1999
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Excuse me, but you'll have to come with us. The leader of Uranus is very upset with you, and he wants us to take you to him for you executio... er I mean welcoming party.

Todd Gold | January 8, 1999
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Barney: Since it looks like the two of you are never gonna hook-up, I guess a threesome would be out of the question.

Michael Arenque | January 9, 1999
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Mulder: My, what broad shoulders you have there.

Barney: (low monitone voice) I just came here to play a charity game.

Scully: (on cellular phone) Skinner! Send back up, Mulder has that anal probe look in his eye again.

JEDISKILLZ | January 9, 1999
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Scully: Look it's moving.

Mulder: It's an alein ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Watie | January 9, 1999
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Don't touch it, Scully! It's loaded with Purple Eggplantoid and that's definitely not your color.

Lynskidibble | January 9, 1999
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Scully: Mulder, I wore the Taco Bell Dog suit two weeks ago. This week you wear the Barney suit.

Mulder: But..

Scully: I know it isn't the X-Files and you are tired of these clownsuit assignments. But it is your turn.

Tarnekep Portree | January 9, 1999
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Scully: Mulder you're not suggesting that a purple dinosaur stole the McGwire ball.

Mulder: Isn't it obvious.

Scully: Mulder, It's a person dressed in a Barney suit hired to entertain the children at the stadium.

Mulder: Scully, I really think we should take him in and question him. You should do a medical exam on him.

Scully: Cut it out Mulder. You're making the children cry.

Barney: Hey Mulder, I'll go voluntarily if you will watch the medical exam

Scully: Pervert.

Tarnekep Portree | January 9, 1999
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Mulder I can see into his mind.......he's thinking......he plans to take over the world by worping the minds of our children!

Chris McCartney | January 9, 1999
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Mulder: "OK, Barney, be nice and give Scully back her ova!"

anonymous | January 9, 1999
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Scully: What are you doing with my diaphram?!

Liz Shaw | January 9, 1999
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Scully: If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times...NO SNOWBALL FIGHTS IN THE HOUSE!

Golden Girls | January 9, 1999

Action Caption | Alien Ice Picktures | Week 19 Winners