And The Winner Is...

As an angry Hercules comes looking for the person who put superglue in his loincloth, Mulder wisely hides behind Xena.

From the mind of Anne Packrat
February 7, 1999


The Runners Up

Hercules CLAIMED to be showing Scully the proper way to hold her weapon, but Mulder had seen this move before.

Melvin F. | February 8, 1999
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Chris Carter: No, David, I do not like your idea for the next episode. This is the X-Files, not "The Rapture"!

Drooler | February 8, 1999
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Hercules: No, really. You'd be great in Ancient Greece. A leather bustier, tight fitting mini skirt and a big sword, you'd fit in great.

Xena (to Mulder): Stay out of this, little man. She's beyond you now.

Wergel | February 13, 1999
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The date was going fine, until Mulder noticed Scully and What's-his-name not too far off.

*And She said she had a headache!*

Jess Idres | February 13, 1999
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Mulder: Scully! Get back here! I'm allergic to leather!!

Michelle | February 8, 1999

The Contenders
(in chronological order)

Hercules: Will you marry me, Scully?

Xena: Hercules we're supposed to be holding them hostage you idiot!

Hercules: I don't care I'm in love.

Scully: Well.........

Mulder: No, you can't Scully he's mine!

Hercules: You sick, qu**r. Get away from me!

Hercules grabs Scully and runs off. Xena chases after them. Mulder sits down and starts to cry.

Tessa | February 7, 1999
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Mulder & Xena together: I must not fear, fear is the enemy, fear is the little death that brings total oblivion. I must not fear, fear is..........

Carol | February 7, 1999
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Hercules: "Dana, you have such beautiful red hair."

Xena: "Herc, I thought we had something here. She can't do back flips."

Mulder: "I can do backflips...really..wanna see?"

Strawberryshake | February 7, 1999
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Mulder: Is this the partners swap program?

Xena: Well, what do you think? Do you actually think Herc and Dana LIKE each other?

Itay Shlamkovich | February 7, 1999
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Hey Scully just look at these primitive life forms.

They look good though.

Joe Miller | February 7, 1999
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Mulder finally realized that his hat size wasn't the only thing that shrunk.

Michael R. Spradling | February 7, 1999
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Mulder and Scully in unision: YEAH, BABY!!!

Frodo Underhill | February 7, 1999
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Mulder once again tested his matchmaking skills. He had convinced Scully to help him pair Hercules and Xena together. "After all," said Mulder, "They seem perfect for each other."

Frodo Underhill | February 7, 1999
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Seeing the way that Hercules and Xena were looking at each other from afar, Mulder realized why he hated double dating so much.

Frodo Underhill | February 7, 1999
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Scully: Her name is Xena?!

Mulder: His name is Hercules?!

Frodo Underhill | February 7, 1999
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It's so tough being the most popular girl at the dance, Scully thought as Xena chewed out Hercules for trying to cut in *again* and Mulder sulked in the background.

Jenna | February 7, 1999
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Herc: "Look Scully I have to be honest, I want you because you're shorter than me! I can't accept the fact that Xena's bigger than me in more ways than one!"

Madman | February 8, 1999
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Hercules - Nice ass Scully

Xena - No way she's all mine

Mulder - Why would you want her when you could have me (to Xena)

Scully - I have a small ass, "The Truth is Out There"

Billy Coleman | February 8, 1999
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Scully - I love your muscles He-Man, can I dip them in Oil

Hercules - OH YEAH BABY!!!!!!!

Mulder - Scully I thought you really loved me!@#$? Oh well, I'll just use Xena for my sexual pleasures!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ass Kicker | February 8, 1999
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Xena: May I cut in?

Mulder: Hey, Xena, I was here first!

Drooler | February 8, 1999
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Consenting with Herc and Xena that they needed to get out more, Mulder and Scully had agreed on taking square dancing lessons.

"Are you sure there aren't any mutants we need to be chasing, Mulder?"

"Dosey-do, Scully!"

Eriu | February 8, 1999
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Mulder: Don't take him, Scully! [Damn, and he was pretty hot...]

Xena: Hercules, if you don't come back here, I'll kick your ass [Lord knows, I wouldn't want to hurt Mulder's... sigh...]

Scully: Oh, well...no tie is better than a bad tie...

Andorra | February 9, 1999
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Hercules: how about a foursome ladies.

Mulder: i don't know we might be being watched.

solstar | February 9, 1999
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Suprisingly to him, this was the first bizarre love triangle that Mulder was ever left out of.

Steph or sumpthin' | February 9, 1999
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"i'm telling you, were an X-file. I'm the son of a God, and she's a....."

immortal light | February 9, 1999
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Hercules (behind Scully's back): Xena, here's some money, take the twerp somewhere nice so me and the lady can have our own fun!

Ludo | February 10, 1999
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Aw, c'mon Herc, you know I love you. I mean please, for you to even think I would go out with this paranoid, pocket protector wearing, no neck geek? Now drop the tramp and let's make kissy-face!

Jason Rasmussen | February 10, 1999
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Mulder and Scully infiltrate Grecian Swingers Anonymous...

Hercules to Scully ... "Left foot ... Right foot ... Cha Cha Cha ... has anyone ever told you got amazing rhythym?"

Xena to Mulder ... "Lanky, you really bring out the Princess in me!"

mingo | February 10 1999
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Hercules: "Scully, I know we could win the Tango contest at the Starlight Ballroom tonight! Didn't you see my fancy footwork on my show?"

Mulder: "Say yes, Scully! Xena won't go out with me unless it's a double date!"

Xena: "But no tango for you! Only the Fox-Trot!"

Joy Zeh | February 10, 1999
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WHAT'S WRONG WITH PICTURE?

Alexis Faust | February 10, 1999
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Next week on The X Files: Dreamland 3 and 4! See Mulder and Herc switch bodies and all the funny chaos that ensues!

Scully: But Herc I hardly even know you.

Mulder in Herc's sickly over-muscular body: I know you though baby!

Xena: HANDS OFF GIRLIE MAN! I'M HERC'S WOMAN!

Herc in Mulder's extra magically delicous body: I know. That's why I want you.

Mulder/Herc and Herc/Mulder: HE'S NOT ME!

jENNI | February 10, 1999
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While Mulder tries to fight his way past Xena, Hercules explains the he and Xena need a surrogate mother.

Red | February 10, 1999
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Hercules to Scully: "C'mon Scully, Greek Gods need some lovin' to."

Mulder to Scully: "Scully, for 20 bucks you can't beat it."

God Kiosk | February 10, 1999
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Hi my name is Agent Mulder could you at least turn around and look at my nice tie, as opposed to his biceps.

Natasha Taylor | February 11, 1999
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Mulder: Okay, Hercules, I've freed Xena from the government testing center, so you can let go of Scully now, okay?

Hercules: NO! I WANT BOTH WOMEN!

Mulder gets pissed and pulls out his Smith & Wesson 9mm and wastes both Herc and Xena and triumphantly recues Scully.

Scully:(thinking) God, Mulder just rescued me from a demi god! He must REALLY like me!

Mulder: (thinking) My therapist is going to go into hysterics when he hears about this one.

jENNI | February 11, 1999
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Mulder: Xena . . . ? Scully . . . ? Come on you two, what does Hercules have that I haven't got? Um, ladies? Yoo hoo, ladies - I'm over here! Hello!?

Astaria | February 12, 1999
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Mulder desperately looked over Xena's shoulder. "Geez, she is tall!" He thought, "Whoa, Scully has gone too far *this* time!" He thought through the events of the day and considered the reasons that he was not stuck in this predicament. "True, Hercules and Xena *had* broken up, but why did that mean he now had to double date with Scully??"

Zoe | February 12, 1999
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Fun turned to violence late last night as 4 of the hottest stars on television went on a double date. Sources say the date was going fine at the restaurant, until Xena and Hercules beat up the maitre 'd, and Mulder and Scully accused the chef of being an extraterrestrial. No word yet on their court appearance.

puddlesky | February 12, 1999
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This inter-fantasy/sci-fi TV show dating MUST STOP!

Mags | February 12, 1999
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Scully: Mulder, for once I wish you would have stopped and asked for directions.

Mulder: How was I supposed to know there would be more than one sci-fi convention going on in this town.

Agent X | February 12, 1999
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Scully wanna double date again?

Okay Mulder but you and Xena buy the refreshments at the movies this time.

Desiree K. | February 12, 1999
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As Mulder and Scully nimbly switch their much-larger partners in a modified Do-si-do move, they prove, once again, that Square dancing isn't just for big, bizarrely dressed brawn.

Shmoo | February 12, 1999
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Hercules: Scully, we can dominate the WWF's tag team Wrestlespectacular.

Scully- Yeah, right there with you Herc- can't wait.

Xena- Can't wait- Mulder and I will pile drive you out of the ring!

Mulder- (thinking)- I just hope Xena puts me in a figure four leg lock...

Teletubby | February 12, 1999
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WHAT A BIG HAND YOU HAVE !!!

ernie navarro | February 13, 1999
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Somehow, the original casts of "Hercules" and "The X-Files" didn't quite work out.

Obviously, a trade was in order.

Riff | February 13, 1999
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Just as Scully date was really hitting offf, disaster struck.

Jess Idres | February 13, 1999
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Scully: Mulder, are you thinking what I'm thinking...

Mulder: That this alien conspiracy to take over our planet and obliterate mankind as we know it will succeed unless we continue our efforts to reveal the truth. . .

Scully:...Mulder...are we in the same room?

J.Mulder | February 13, 1999
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Hercules: Xena! It's not what you think!

Scully: Oh yes it is! Kiss off, Mulder!

Bartok | February 13, 1999
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(mulder to xena) - see i told you she was cheating on you. can we go now??

(xena to mulder) - no, i have a feeling this may get real interesting.

mary beth | February 13, 1999
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eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

sercan | February 13, 1999
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Mulder & Scully: Mmmmmmmmmm, leather

The Grocer | February 13, 1999
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Bored with each other and their platonic relationship, Scully and Mulder opted for a change of series and partners, to explore greener pastures and infinite possibilities.

Trying to get in touch with nature's wonders and the wonder hunk, Scully chose Hercules as partner for a new series, "The X-Ventures of Hercules and Kick Ass Scully". Not to be underminded, Mulder persuades Xena to partner him in another series, "Xena and X-Mulder: Smouldering Fight For The Truth". Watch out for these new action-drama-thriller-what nuts series, they'll keep on coming to you!!!

Mold Scudder | February 13, 1999

Action Caption | Alien Ice Picktures | Week 24 Winners