And The Winner Is...

Superman: Brains or kinky slinky black leather, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to lust after intellect or mere physical attributes. Ah, to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous attraction or to ignore, and by ignoring triumph over primal urges. Aye, to get lucky and perchance sleep.

From the mind of The Grocer
March 21, 1999


The Runners Up

Scully: Do you think I should tell him that Mulder stuck a "Give me Krytonite" sign on his back?

Samantha | March 23, 1999
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Scully and Xena whispering:

S: I can't believe it! He's got his cape tucked into the back of his tights!

X: Maybe we should tell him.

S: I'm not telling him - you tell him.

X: I'm not telling him!

Astaria | March 26, 1999
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Xena: Mulder, I know you foiled Cigarette Smoking Man's plans, but I think you need to deflate the ego just a bit...

Scully: Is the hem ok on the cape, Mulder?

Kyle Hancock | March 24, 1999
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Scully: Why can't Mulder look this good?

Xena: At least your sidekick is male!!

Supe: Ladies, how about a Kryptonian Sandwich?

Agent X | March 21, 1999
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The 7-11 surveillance camera caught Scully and Xena ogling Superman's posterior and wishing for a little x-ray vision of their own.

cjh | March 21, 1999
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At the meeting for The People forced to wear Tight fitting clothing....

Jess Idres | March 27, 1999

The Contenders
(in chronological order)

Poor unsuspecting Superman doesn't know that he is in for the wedgie of a lifetime...

Kate Sampley | March 21, 1999
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Ya Know, I swear I can smell Kyrptonite gas everytime he passes wind!

reg pollard | March 21, 1999
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Supe, my friend, that suit leaves NOTHING to the imagination.

Riff | March 21, 1999
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Xena: Forget "Man of Steel" it's "Buns of Steel" What do you think, Scully?

Scully: Hmmmmmmmm..... I'm gonna wait and see what Mulder looks like in a cape.

jENNI | March 21, 1999
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Scully [whispering]: Just look. See? No panty line. Not even a "support garment" line. Weird.

Xena [also whispering]: Would you think less of me if I told you I found this oddly arousing?

Red | March 21, 1999
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Scully: "Xena, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Having super human strength this Kryptonoid is the essence of alien life here on Earth. I feel we should investigate this matter and do in depth studies...blah blah blah..."

Xena: "Uh..yeah..I was just thinking he had nice buns!"

Strawberryshake | March 21, 1999
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Scully and Xena stare blankly at Superman's *s*.

KidCat505 | March 21, 1999
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Scully and Xena cower in terror as Superman's oversized pectorals threaten to crush them all.

Winter | March 21, 1999
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XENA: Yes sirree Clark, that is a bad case of hemorrhoids..

SCULLY: Oh my they're SUPER'OIDS..

SUPERMAN: C'mon girls really, do these tights make my butt look big..

Rick Maier | March 21, 1999
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Xena: Didn't you think Mulder would discover you secretly switched his "Buns of Steel" tape with a "Man of Steel" video?

Scully: You're kidding, aren't you? This is MULDER we're talking about... Besides, do you really want the old one back?

Xena: Good point. Flex again for us, Foxy...

Q | March 21, 1999
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Xena: I don't care where he came from. Look at the size of those hands!

Q | March 21, 1999
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Scully: They say this is the hottest new ride in the amusement park.

Xena: Mmmm-Hmmm, hey Scully, got a quarter?

Scully: I have a whole roll.

Q | March 21, 1999
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As Superman attempts to judge the Lois Lane Look-a-Like contest, a heated argument goes on behind him.

Scully: Xena, Lois doesn't wear leather!

Xena: Yeah, well, at least she finally admitted her feelings for her partner!

Superman: Ladies, please. Remember... Peace, Justice, and the American Way.

Dana Scully | March 21, 1999
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Scully: If we sneak up really quietly and move his cape, I'll show you what I mean...

Xena: You're right, they aren't Buns of Steel!

Kathryn | March 22, 1999
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scully: i dunno, super, are you SURE it isn't hemorrhoids?

superman: well, i have been wiping a lot lately.

xena: call me crazy, but it almost looks like a tetrahedren.

puddlesky | March 22, 1999
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I wish he'd stop mooning us!

lillybett | March 22, 1999
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Now that's a super ass!

Shawna | March 22, 1999
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Xena: Yep. He's Superman all right.

Scully: Are you looking at the same "super" object I'm looking at?

Steph | March 22, 1999
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Superman (Mulder): Ummmm, would you ladies care to stop staring at my butt. . .

Scully: Mulder, that man of steel tape really worked!

Xena: No kidding, Did you use the 7 minute abs tape too? Your Pecks are bigger than mine. You makes Hercules look like a wussy!

Adam Bruckner | March 22, 1999
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Scully: Check out his gluteus maximus! (term for butt)

Xena: Looks like the Man of Steel has buns of steel, too!

Marita | March 22, 1999
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Scully: Oh My!

Xena: He IS the Man of Steel!

Anne Packrat | March 22, 1999
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Scully: So what do you think, Xena?

Xena: Gives new meaning to "Buns of Steel"...

Theresa Vaughan | March 23, 1999
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Xena: I wouldn't mind dusting THAT for prints!

Scully: Shouldn't you be off kicking someone or something?

Melanie | March 23, 1999
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Scully: Wow! great buns!

Xena: and i thought mulder had a nice rear!

Scully: Lois, wannna trade studs?

Eric | March 23, 1999
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Superman: Relax, ladies! Even with super powers one can't fulfill all your demands!

Itay Shlamkovich | March 23, 1999
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Scully: Xena, that's... that's... superman!

Xena: Yeah! Look at those buns of steel!

anonymous | March 23, 1999
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Scully: I can't believe it...Superman tucked his cape into his pantyhose.

Xena: I'm calling the Daily Planet.

Allybear | March 23, 1999
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Scully: And now for the cavity search...

Xena: Is that a... propellor?

Superman: Yes, it's true. I have no real superpowers. I've been deceiving the public all this time. It all started with a tragic childhood accident...

Scully: It should have been: "It's a bird, it's a helicopter..."

Xena: You must be very anal-retentive.

conspiracy | March 23, 1999
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Superman: All right, I've been able to put them in a state of suspended animation. Now just turn around and use your X-ray vision!

SD Coleman | March 24, 1999
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So, what exactly do you think Mulder is looking for?

Brian Waters | March 24, 1999
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Xena: I'm sorry sir... but, I think you should have a doctor look at that.

Scully (paused): Yea... I'm not quite sure what that is either.

Lillybett | March 24, 1999
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Xena: You were right, Dana. Even his poop is superior.

Scully: And hard as a rock, too.

Kyle Hancock | March 24, 1999
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Scully: Must... Have... Buns....

Xena: Scully, try to resist! They're not that grea..... Must....Have....Buns....

Kyle Hancock | March 24, 1999
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Mulder: "Nope. No Aliens here, Scully."

Scully: "Keep checking Mulder"

Kurt Manic | March 24, 1999
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Scully to Xena: "That's one steel sword I'd like to sheath"

Kurt Doerr | March 24, 1999
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Xena to Scully: "Boxers or briefs?"

lillybett | March 24, 1999
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Xena to Scully: "What do you mean 'More powerful than a locomotive?"

Kurt Manic | March 24, 1999
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Scully: It's a bird!

Xena: It's a plane!

Scully: Whoa. It's neither. It's just some alien in tights.

Frodo Underhill | March 24, 1999
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Mistaking Scully and Xena for Lois Lane and Wonder Woman, Superman's "three-some" proposal was met with stunned silence and disgusted looks.

Aaron Slack | March 24, 1999
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Scully: Pass me the latex gloves, Xena.

Xena: Are you sure?

Superman: Can I have an anesthetic?

Amy | March 24, 1999
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Scully: Should we tell him?

Xena: No, I like it better this way.

The Evil Chemist | March 25, 1999
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look at the ass on that!!!!

james le grave | March 25, 1999
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Xena- So , SUPERMAN, boxers or briefs?

SUPERMAN- HUH?

Scully- What kind of underwear do you wear?

SUPERMAN- YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT THEM!

Kyle | March 25, 1999
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Scully: "I have already messed around with Jim on our first and only date. I successfully unmasked the Lone Ranger as a vampire while following up on a previously unsolved X-File. After repeated experiments under the strictest of laboratory conditions, I have documented scientific evidence that it is in fact possible to spit into the wind. I have one task left to complete , right here, right now, in order to free my partner from *your* evil twin Callisto. You *are* going to cover me, Xena?"

X-Lydia | March 25, 1999
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CSM, in the guise of a superhero, reveals the true purpose of the cloning experiments.

Lori | March 25, 1999
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Scully: Nice Butt

Margaret | March 25, 1999
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Superman discovers the horrors of not using mothballs for winter storage...

Scully: Should we tell him?

Xena: No, I think I like it better this way.

Scully: You do have a point...

The Evil Chemist | March 26, 1999
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Scully: (to Xena) Do you think he works out?

Xena: I don't know and really I don't care...thinking he is a real hottie

Superman: What was that?

Scully and Xena: Oh nothing!

Scully: So Xena who do you like more Mulder or this guy?

Xena: Oh! this guy!

Scully (to herself): Now Mulder is all mine

Superman: Someone needs help got to go!

Xena: take me with you.

anonymous | March 26, 1999
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Scully: Hoo Boy

Xena: Nice butt, blue boy

Superman: I feel so cheap

nancym | March 26, 1999
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I really can't judge it accurately, his cape is in the way.

William Phillips | March 26, 1999
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Xena: So he's the man of steel, hu?

Scully: Man of steel? Let's try buns of steel!

Jen and Chrissy | March 27, 1999
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As Superman proudly poses after a job well done, the moral of his story is: "I kick way more butt than Batman."

Hermes | March 27, 1999
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Xena: Whoo boy!

Scully: He's mine Xena!

Superman: (thinking to himself as a gun was loaded and a sword was sharpened) As much as I'd like to stay and watch the catfight, I hear Lois screaming for help.

Scully & Xena: We shouldn't be fighting with each other. Let's go after that tramp, Lois Lane!

DBODO | March 27, 1999

Action Caption | Alien Ice Picktures | Week 29 Winners