And The Winner Is...

In one of television's least successful crossovers, Daffy Duck (known to Scully and Mulder only as 'the lisping man') is about to reveal a piece of vital information when the Cigarette Smoking Man, assisted by Wyle E. Coyote, drops an anvil on him.

From the mind of Winter
April 10, 1999


The Runners Up

Mulder: Wow! It's Daffy Duck!!! You're Daffy Duck!!!

Daffy: Fthanks fur noticing. I could really use your help!

Mulder: Great! I'll just need to see some ID.

Daffy: Um . . . (Shows an American Express card)

Mulder: Sorry. Can't help.

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. Use VISA. It's everywhere you want to be.

Frodo Underhill | April 4, 1999
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Well Scully, looks like we've Qwacked this case

Sue | April 9, 1999
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Mulder: You, yeah you the duck creature, Have you seen my sister?

Scully: Not again!!

Mulder: Well have you?

Scully: Leave him alone!

Mulder: TELL ME WHERE MY SISTER IS!!!!!!!!!!!

Scully: This is the last time I take you to 6 Flags!!

Mulder: Damn you Duck!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS SHE?????

chaotichappenings | April 4, 1999
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Mulder: I think there's something Daffy going on here.

Scully: Great can we g...

Mulder: I'm getting a really Loony vibe.

Scully: Ya. If you don't st...

Muder: Just one more. I think this script needs fine Tooning

Scully: I'm leaving

Samantha | April 8, 1999
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Mulder: "Admit it! You're the one that's been putting up all those 'Rabbit Season' signs!"

Daffy: "No, it wasn't me! It was Krycek! I swear!!

Aaron Slack | April 4, 1999
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Scully: Why did we come to this amusement park anyway? There's no X-File here.

Mulder: You see a zipper?

Mr. ? | April 5, 1999

The Contenders
(in chronological order)

Scully: For the last time, Mulder, I do not want to see what would happen if the Looney Tunes reenacted ET!

Anne Packrat | April 4, 1999
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Mulder: "All the evidence leads to you, Daffy. You're the one behind the alien conspiracy, and I'm gonna throw your feathered butt in a jail cell!"

Daffy: "Mulder, you're despicable!"

Aaron Slack | April 4, 1999
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"Mulder, I don't think--"

"Shhh, Scully. It wants me to pull its finger..."

Lunchlady Doris | April 4, 1999
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Mulder: Look, Scully! It's some some sort of mutant duck! The colonists must have been experimenting on it!

Daffy: Hey, watch who you're calling "mutant", busssster. (With exaggerated lisp.)

Mulder: IT TALKS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Scully: No it doesn't, Mulder. It just quacked at you.

Mulder: No it didn't! It said "Watch who you're calling mutant, buster!"

Scully: Mulder, have you gotten ANY sleep this month?

Mulder: Not really, but IT TALKS!

jENNI | April 4, 1999
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Mulder: Quick! Get Skinner out here!

Scully: With the gear?

Mulder: Are you sure Fudd said his bill was uncontrollable?

KidCat505 | April 4, 1999
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MULDER: So, YOU'RE the one who stole my April issue of Celebrity Skin! Give it back!!

SCULLLY: You'd better do what he says, or things could get ugly!

Heather | April 4, 1999
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MULDER: ...I said Young man, there's no need to feel down, I said Young man...

SCULLY: Don't be alarmed, he does this all the time.

Bill | April 4, 1999
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Scully: "Mulder, he didn't mean anything by it! Leave the poor little duck alone! It was just innocent flirting!"

Daffy: "You go, baby!"

Mulder: "Get out of my way Scully, this duck's goin' down!"

dolce784 | April 4, 1999
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Daffy Duck: "Ok, Listen here see, You can't put me in an X-Files clip. I won't sppptand for it. I'll call my lawyer, I will. I'm not an alien, I'm a duck got it? A duck! What you need is Marvin the Martian, you wascally wabbitsss!"

Strawberryshake | April 4, 1999
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mulder: coochy, coochy, cooo! i'm tickling the ducky!!!

daffy: that's disssssspicable!

puddlesky | April 4, 1999
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"Pull your finger? Well all right..."

fat johnny | April 4, 1999
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This was an easy case. It was obvious to both Scully and Mulder that Dr. Kevorkian was a quack.

Q | April 5, 1999
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Daffy (to Scully): What's up, Doc?

Q | April 5, 1999
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Mulder: " Can you still deny the existence of the paranormal in light of the evidence?!! Look at the size of that thing!....by the way, I get dibs on the breast...."

Scully: "Put your gun away, Mulder....the NIH and CDC are on their way to collect live samples.....there has to be a scientific explanation for this gross mutation, and only empirical study and scientific method can determine what that explanation is.......besides- it's Wabbit Season..."

Rychette | April 5, 1999
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Mulder (spitting uncontrollably): Thisscsh isscsh sscsho embarrasscshing!

Scully: Mulder, I'm not that gullible. You expect me to believe that because an aircraft using alien technology flew over us at the precise moment there was a rip in the space-time continuum and you switched places with a duck? Pu-lease. April Fools was last week.

Daffy (in Mulder's body), to himself: Sscsho long, sscshucker!

The Evil Chemist | April 5, 1999
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Mulder: "Hey Scully, How much wood could a wood duck chuck, if a wood duck could chuck wood?"

Scully: "Quit screwing around Mulder, it is your turn to do the full cavity search"

Dark Saber | April 5, 1999
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Mulder: Oh my god, Scully! He's a mutant!

Scully: I think you're right...what happened to the rest of his wing???

Andorra | April 5, 1999
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Hey Scully, do you think he's ticklish?

Mike Sanders | April 5, 1999
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Surprised, Scully now knows why Fox acts so weird...as she watches the Masonic secret handshake take place in her presence.....as if she just fell off the turnip truck.

Padre Techo | April 5, 1999
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The twuth iws owth there!

Mr. ? | April 5, 1999
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Space Jam 2, 1 1/2 stars: I'd rather eat dead weasels than watch this film again.

Mr. ? | April 5, 1999
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The truth is out there, in toon town.

Mr. ? | April 5, 1999
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Tickle tickle.

Mr. ? | April 5, 1999
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This episode gets REALLY scary in two seconds.

Mr. ? | April 5, 1999
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Dang it, Mulder, I knew we should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque.

Mr. ? | April 5, 1999
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MULDER: HEY, It's duck season.

DAFFY: NO, It's rabbit season.

SCULLY: C'mon guys, It's Baseball season. GO GIANTS..

Rick Maier | April 5, 1999
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Mulder attempts to distract the duck while Scully steals his wallet.

kingphinger | April 5, 1999
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"Look, Scully! I raise my hand . . . he raises his hand! It's like we're psychically linked or something!"

"Well, Mulder, your brainpower definitely matches his . . ."

Melvin F. | April 6, 1999
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Daffy: "Thhwwellcome aboarrd!"

Mulder: "Urhggh.. eh, hi Agent Daffy - you're bigger than I imagined..."

Scully (under her breath to Mulder): "Ughh...I knew we should have worn waterproofs for this mission. We're going to be soaked in saliva by the end of today."

Laura Tucker | April 7, 1999
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"The Goose is out there..."

Chris Morgan | April 7, 1999
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Mulder: Have you seen my flashlight? It's about this big.

Scully: It's twelve inches long, Mulder.

Mulder: That IS twelve inches, Scully.

Scully: Whatever you say, Mulder.

Adrienne | April 7, 1999
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"You cover the left, Scully, and I'll have the right wing."

Ziggy | April 7, 1999
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Mulder: Gee, Scully, should you autopsy him now or wait until we get home?

Daffy: Do it now! Do it now!

Scully: Um, am I missing something?

Wergel | April 7, 1999
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You think this is something, Scully? You should see the genetically engineered rabbits!

Mr. ? | April 8, 1999
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(Squaredance Music)

Scully: Swing your partner, Do-si-Do, then promenade right.

Mulder! I said SWING your partner, NOT high-5 your partner.

Daffy: I want a new partner!

Mulder: Scully, I want to be the caller next time.

Joy Zeh | April 8, 1999
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Mulder: Scully! Look! It's a genetically enhanced duck! This must be the work of that black lunged son-of-a-bitch, CSM!

Scully: (Thinking) I am NEVER letting him watch cartoons EVER AGAIN!

jENNI | April 8, 1999
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*Mulder slaps Daffy a high five*

Mulder: Daffy how's it going?!

Scully: (whispering) Mulder, this is your new informant?!

Jennifer | April 8, 1999
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Mulder: So are you original or extra crispy?

Daffy: Hey man, I'm a duck, not a chicken.

Scully: I hope he has a wish bone, those are fun!

Agent X | April 8, 1999
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Mulder: Duck seasson!

Duffy: FBI agents seasson!

Mulder: FBI agents seassons!

Duffy: Duck seasson! Shoot!

Scully: Duck for dinner again?

Shlamko & others | April 9, 1999
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Scully: Okay, Mulder, give him your best threat!

Mulder: Uh, Scully, I kinda lost my gun again..

Scully: Ugh, improvise then!

Mulder: ummm...if you don't give us the truth about what happened, we'll...uh...tickle you to death!

Andorra | April 9, 1999
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Mulder: Look, Scully, he's shorter than you are!

Kathryn | April 9, 1999
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Scully: Mulder, I don't care that you just beat him at basketball. Slapping hands with a duck is unsanitary.

Kathryn | April 9, 1999
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FREEZE YOU QUACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lester | April 9, 1999
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M: (speaking loudly and slowly like one does in a different contry) Greetings, I am Fox Mulder. Do you come in peace?...blah, blah, blah...

S: (thinking) Why me?! Of all the cute guys with nice a**es, why does this one have to be a dickhead?!

Chris Bally | April 9, 1999
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Scully: "That Man in Black looks just like Daffy Duck!"

Daffy: "You are getting sleepy, sleepy...."

Mulder: "Hey, cut that out!"

Aaron Slack | April 9, 1999
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Scully: "So, Warner Brothers has taken over Fox?!"

Mulder: "This is our new co-star?! Great!....Hey, Daffy, I love your work, especially that Quackbusters thing. It really inspired me. High five, man!"

Scully [muttering]: "Oh, God...Male bonding."

Nemysys | April 9, 1999
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Mulder: "Look it's Daffy Duck, Daffy Daffy Daffy."

Scully: "Snap out of it Mulder!"

(Scully thinking to herself: "I knew I never should have let him stay up and watch cartoons!")

Andy | April 10, 1999
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Mulder: I've got it! I'll tickle the giant duck and then, while it's incapacitated with laughter, we'll escape out the back!

Scully: THAT's your plan???

Mulder: Coochie coochie cooooo....

Scully: Oh brother...

Suze | April 10, 1999
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Scully: "Okay Mulder, down to your shorts."

Mulder: "When A.D. Skinner said we were going to go under-cover at Six Flags, I thought I could just sell sno-cones and stuff."

Colleen M Reilly | April 10, 1999
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Daffy: He was pretty tall, about this wide--

Mulder: And about this long?

Daffy: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Mulder: Aha, we've found our genetic hybrid!

Scully: Mulder, by the looks of that last descriptive gesture, I think Daffy's describing you.

Mulder: Hey, Scully, next time bring this up somewhere OTHER than in front of the guests, okay?

Merlin Wizard | April 10, 1999

Action Caption | Alien Ice Picktures | Week 31 Winners