During this quest, he has learned many things - He’s seen UFOs, alien bodies, and uncovered enough conspiracy information to know that *something* is going on. He is told by the Alien Bounty Hunter that his sister is still alive. He asks of his father, in The Blessing Way, if Samantha is among the dead and is told she is not. Despite everything he’s seen and heard, he still has enough doubt that, in Paper Hearts, all it took was Roche’s comments to make him question the very core of his belief system - the circumstances of Samantha’s disappearance. When it comes right down to it, he’s still not sure what to believe. As he told Scully, in End Game, what he does have is: "The faith to keep looking" For Mulder, it’s still a matter of: "I *want* to believe" So what we have here is . . . A "believer" whose faith is a search for the truth and a "skeptic" who is content that her truth is a matter of faith. Given that this is The X-Files, why does that not surprise me?

Once, there was a man named Bill Mulder. He married, and both he and his wife were strong in their faith that their world would be saved by the Consortium.

He worked hard for the Consortium, and the Consortium saw that it was good. The Consortium promised him that one day, he would reap the fruits of his labour. One day, he would have the power to guide his fellow humans, and his progeny would rule the universe.

Thus, Bill offered his child up for a Higher Purpose, as Abraham did with his son Isaac, trusting in The Higher Powers. He took his wife and the mother of his children (Sara?), away on the night of the test. While they were gone, a bright white light appeared from the heavens, and the Consortium claimed their prize Samantha.

Faithful Abraham, as a reward for trusting in his God, was returned his beloved son. Through Isaac, he became the Father of a Nation. Likewise, the Seed of Faithful Mulder was multiplied-- in large cloning vats. And so his progeny, both one and many, were instrumental in furthering The Project.

But alas! Something was amiss. The Consortium would dare to Play God, to recreate the world in their own image, and their Project was Blasphemy. And thus there were grievious consequences for Bill's sacrifice. A daughter eternally lost to him, a wife estranged, and his son threatened by the same Consortium that once watched over them.

Thus was one man betrayed by his erroneous faith.

Mulder bears the integrity of a Knight, shunning love and marriage lest he be distracted from his search. Like a Knight he has pledged his honour to The Virgin -- his sister Samantha. Arthurian Knights would often engrave their shields with their Christian pledges, especially to the Virgin mother and would adorn themselves with a scrap of fabric from the Lady they defended. In Paper Hearts when Mulder opens his desk drawer and tucks the little hearts inside I could not help but think they would be better served pinned to his own heart. Medieval Knights were defenders of righteousness and justice, both religious and feudal and indeed the two were inexorably blended. Their Knighthood became their faith, their King their God and their Quest their religious practice.

From Thomas Bulfinch's "Mythology", 1858:

"The service of his mistress was the glory and occupation of a knight, and her smiles, bestowed at once by affection and gratitude, were held out as the recompense of his well-directed valor. Religion united its influence with those of loyalty and love, and the order of knighthood, endowed with all the sanctity and religious awe that attended the priesthood, became an object of ambition to the greatest sovereigns."

The following are the "Rules of Chivalry" for medieval knights:

- Thou shalt believe all the church teaches and observe all its directions
- Thou shalt defend the church
- Thou shalt respect all weaknesses and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them
- Thou shalt love the country in which thou wast born
- Thou shalt not recoil before thine enemy
- Thou shalt make war against the Infidel without cessation and without mercy
- Thou shalt perform scrupulously the feudal duties, if they be not contrary to the laws of God
- Thou shalt never lie and remain faithful to thy pledged word
- Thou shalt be generous and give largesse to everyone
- Thou shalt be everywhere and always the champion of the Right and Good and the foe of Injustice and Evil

Remembering that Mulder's church and religion *is* his Quest, the preceding is an accurate portrayal of Mulder's strong feelings about justice, protection of innocents and search for "truth". Note too that there are ten rules, akin to the ten Holy Commandments and indeed many of the rules of chivalry are closely dervived from God's Commandments (Thou Shalt Not Lie, etc.). In essence then, the Knight becomes a personal warrior for God, through the management of the King.

A "Quest" was both a search for an object but also a search for personal achievement for a Knight. It was an unforgiving test of a Knight's continued loyalty, intergrity and survival. During the Quest, knights were often tempted away or distracted by evil. We see this continually with Sir Mulder, he is often lured away and his endurance is often tested to the limit. We must always remember that at any time Mulder *is* able to withdraw from his Quest; he can always walk away and spare himself the continued trials and tribulations and so it is only his determined mettle that keeps him involved. Through the course of his near-death experience in Blessing Way he came very close indeed to allowing himself to drift away and yet visitations from the spirits of Deep Throat and his father urged him to fight onward.

The injections of magic and spiritualism into Mulder's Quest can also be linked back to Arthurianism where magic was a weapon wielded by both Good and Evil. The great magician Merlin was a powerful practitioner of magic and yet he was himself conflicted by the power of good and evil. Like Merlin, Deep Throat and X (and perhaps now the Uniblonder) would drift in and out of Mulder's Quest offering seemingly magical interventions and resolutions and yet we knew they could not be fully trusted. As in Arthurian legend, Good and Evil in TXF become personified with no marginalizations but much confusion and deception.

So the Quest itself is also a parallel with religious devotion, the continued test of faith and the strict determination that it takes for the individual to "believe" in the face of no evidence, to persevere when plagued with death and other meaningless losses. To continually cling to and extract a "greater meaning" when surrounded by only chaos. Sir Mulder perseveres in this way. Failure makes him try harder, it cements him in his "faith".

What does Mulder seek? I would hesitate to say that Samantha is the true Holy Grail. I believe that Mulder seeks Samantha out of devotion and sadness but finding her will not be the complete solution to his lifetime of puzzlement and incompletion. We can say "truth" and ultimately this is the case but along the way there are so many mini-truths of half-truths that we begin to wonder if an absolute truth exists. Proof of alien life that he can make public and better yet, contact with and understanding of alien life would probably offer him more resolution. But first, he must slay the dragons

When Samantha was taken, Bill Mulder turned away from his family, and Mulder in particular, out of a sense of guilt. A young, impressionable Mulder perceived this as a punishment for losing Samantha, for not living up to his father's expectations and the responsibility entrusted to him. With his family falling apart around him, the only support remaining was his mother. Mrs. Mulder most likely turned inward following this event and wasn't much help to her young son, but whatever love she did mete out to him was enough to engender a fierce loyalty which has sustained itself years later. Mulder seems to place his mother on a pedestal; untouchable even by himself. She is not beyond reproach though, since he does lash out at her in frustration and a search for answers. But he can't seem to remain mad at her for long. They share a bond that only a mother can share with a child. In addition, they have a history of shared suffering in the loss of Samantha and the pain they endured following this tragic event. Mulder loves his mother despite her faults and deceptions. She provided Mulder with a sister in the first place, but she yielded to the sacrifice of her daughter for reasons unknown, though the repercussions are felt to this day.

Samantha is the second member of this spiritual triptych. The daughter who was taken from the Mulder family became the driving force in Fox Mulder's life. When Scully and Mulder were first thrown together as partners, Mulder entrusted Scully with the story of Sam's disappearance and her role in his pursuit of the Truth. "Nothing else matters," he told Scully. After four years it seems the torch has been passed and now Scully is the driving force in Mulder's quest. But Samantha is always in his heart. She was the genesis of Mulder's quest. She brought him to the FBI, the X-Files, and to the answers he has uncovered so recently with Scully. Samantha is a constant, unvarying force. She was taken as a child and so embodies innocence and unfulfilled promise...and since she has never been found or returned, she remains that child. If Samantha is found, we may see her as a grown woman, but until that moment, Mulder will see her as his eight year old sister...an annoying younger sibling, but an important part of his religious ideology.

Dana Scully represents the final branch in the triumvirate. She is the spirit and motivation behind Mulder's continued search. Spirit has many definitions, among them soul, life, energy, feeling, motivation, and purpose. All of these are aspects that Scully brings to Mulder and their partnership. Scully's assignment to the X-Files breathed life and spirit back into Mulder's quest. He was floundering and she gave him stability. Isn't this how some might define religion? A staying hand, a sense of purpose and stability, a raft in a sea of confusion? Scully is not only the current focal point of Mulder's religion, but a representation of several spiritual archetypes. She is easily recognizable as Mulder's savior. She not only grounds him with regard to their cases, but has given him the strength and support he's needed to make it through all the crises they've encountered both personal and work related. Perhaps a more abstract analogy would be Scully as virgin mother. Not getting into the dating and intimacy dryspell of our heroine, it's recently come to our attention that Scully may be mother to some of the project's hybrids. This may come as a surprise to Scully since she is a kind of virgin mother with the hybrids her progeny by way of an immaculate conception. Even more esoteric would be an examination of Scully's role in "Ascension". The name of the episode itself begs the analogy, but consider her abduction; being taken up, ascending to the stars. There was experimentation, which from Scully's perspective became a form of torture...a series of tests. In "One Breath", a near death experience is followed by consolation and encouragement by her father. Although Scully does not address her father, is it not conceivable that she was seeking relief in the permission to let the cup pass; permission to give up and join her father in heaven? But he lends her strength, as does Mulder, and she eventually returns to assume her place alongside her partner in their quest. And that quest now has greater meaning and importance to Scully, as she now has greater meaning and importance in Mulder's religious trinity.

What has been presented is a theoretical blueprint for Mulder's religion. It is obviously one framed around the women in his life...the women who provide a support system and motivation for his continued search for the Truth. The figure of the mother could as easily be represented by Mrs. Scully as Mrs. Mulder. Both have embraced him as a son in these last few years, and each in their own way has helped to fortify his existence. Samantha was the starting point for Mulder's quest. As a sister she was a pest and a test to his patience, but when taken from him, he could admit his love and loss simultaneously. Samantha is a dream. But whether she is the main focus or at the periphery, her return will remain a much desired goal. Now, the overwhelming, driving force in Mulder's religion is his partner and friend, Dana Scully. Scully is in the here and now, representing dilemma and resolution with a certainty that Samantha does not. In "One Breath", Mulder was on the verge of resignation and the sacrifice of his ideals when he thought Scully, and all that was important to him, was lost. This is what she represented over two years ago and, if anything, the attachment and importance has increased. Mulder wants to find Samantha or, at the very least, discover the truth behind her disappearance. But if Scully were suddenly removed from the picture, by death or abduction, I don't believe Mulder would have the strength or resources to continue on this quest alone. Scully has become the most important element of the triumvirate and her removal would destroy the tenuous structure that Mulder has so carefully built in resurrecting his religion.

Isn't it weird? And in Miracle Man, he has a framed photo of her in his hotel room! How many of us travel with framed photos of husbands, wives, or children, even? Wallet photos, yes, framed photos, no. Here's the difference -- Samantha isn't a real person anymore. As so many of you argued this week, she's a symbol in a religion, and those photos are ICONS. Objects of devotion, reminders of faith, advertisers of belief. They serve the same function as the painted icons of the Orthodox Church, *not* the functions that our family photos serve. (The feeling is totally different, and to me much more moving, in those episodes where the photo of Sam is a crumpled snapshot dragged out of a pocket or tacked to a board. It seems so much more human...)