The Field Where I Died, Entry 1
by Ocean
5.20.98
The path that I was walking on was well worn, lined on either side with black-eyed susans. I knew the path, although it seemed somehow different from the last time that I had seen it. Older, more worn and at the same time obviously less recently used that I remember it being...when? The air was full of the smell of lilacs and seawater. I could hear faintly, as though from far away, the sound of waves pounding on rocks. The sunlight was soft yet bright enough to make vision difficult, nearly impossible. The air was still, oddly so. For some reason I felt as though it shouldn’t be this still. Then I heard it; a sound that reminded me of when my grandmother would hang the lace kitchen curtains out to dry after she had washed them. A wispy sound, faint and subtle. Then I felt it, small gusts of air blowing all across me. I felt my whole body being covered in the feeling, as if someone was breathing against my skin. A moment later, the light went out as if the sun had simply been turned off. My eyes adjusted instantaneously (as they can only do in dreams). What I saw was the entire sky shimmering, glistening, and quivering. It was alive surrounding me in its being. I felt like I was moving through a cloud of starlight, but I could see the stars twinkling beyond the glistening night. Then the night came close, touching me, and I realized that it was millions of butterflies that surrounded me, holding me close to the night. And just then the moon came out from behind a cloud. Each wing of every butterfly reflected the moonlight, and the brightness of the light shone into my eyes. For a moment I was blind, but so peaceful. The sound that I had heard, and continued to hear was the sound of a million pairs of delicate wings beating in the black night. I closed my eyes to shut out the shining light. Suddenly the sound stopped. I opened my eyes, and I was standing on the same path I had been walking on earlier. The black-eyed susans still lining the walk, but everywhere I looked there were butterflies. On every blade of grass, wild flower and on the leaf of every tree there were butterflies of every hue. Their wings rising and falling ever so slightly as if they were breathing. I felt my heart begin to beat in time with the rise and fall of their wings. It was if the a rainbow had come alive in that field and were showing me the beauty even in the darkest moment of my life. The darkness was made up of light. It was just a matter of shifting the darkness enough to see the light and the hope of it all. When I awoke, I had no idea whether or not it was a dream or reality. The only thing I knew or felt was that I had been in a place few people are able to go, and even more important, that people are able to return to.
This dream (c) Copyright 1998, Ocean.
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