I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

It's been six months since I left her, and I can think of nothing else. No matter what I do, my mind still turns to her. I can remember our goodbye, in her room -- every moment, every word. I memorized every part of her face that night and everything she said. Her last words..."I love you. And I my heart, I'll always be holding on to you."

I almost hope that she hadn't told the truth. As much as it kills me to think of her with another man, I want her to get on with her life. I want her to find someone she can make a life with -- a normal life - not a creature-of-the-night life...I want her to have a husband, children...I want her to have a family. I just hope she's not letting her life go by, clinging to her memories of me... and I wish I knew if she was.

Remember the good times that we had
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

She was so beautiful the first time I saw her, smiling and laughing with her friends out in front of her school. She was so young, so carefree. I memorized every inch of her that day. Her long, golden hair shining in the sun, her beautiful blue eyes so open and unguarded, her petite body that looked so fragile but was so strong in that white tank top and blue jean shorts. I wanted to feel the warmth of her smile, see her eyes glow in anticipation of seeing me. At the time it seemed so impossible...but it wasn't.

Eventually I got to see her eyes light up at the sight of me, and I saw the love shining in her eyes...all for me...

The good memories are the most painful of all. They remind me that, for a brief moment, I was almost human again. I held my most precious dream in my hands when I held her in my arms. But our time together was so short...I lived so long in the darkness and for such a little time in her light before returning to the dark. It's painful, knowing that nothing I can ever do can recapture the beauty and wonder of being loved by her. It hurts, knowing that the best moments of my life, the ones with her, are behind me. It's torment to think of her, though I can do nothing else.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'll take my memories of her to the last day. When the world ends around me my last thoughts will be of her. For however many years I have left, she will haunt me.

I wonder if I ever cross her mind as she does mine. Not that I want her to mourn for me, for the love we lost, for the love that was never meant to be. But maybe, every once in a while, she could stop and think of me...

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, oh, but we can't be heard

My biggest regret is that I could never find the words to tell her how much I loved her. I could barely even get out those three basic words, let alone express my deeper feelings. She deserved to know that she is my heart, she owns my soul...she is the only one I've ever truly loved. I love her with a passion that knows no boundaries...it's a love so deep, down to the bottom of my soul, wider than any canyon or sea. Without her I'm nothing, even less than nothing...with her I'm invincible.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I remember every time I saw her. Every conversation we had plays over and over in my mind. And the most beautiful memory of all, the night we made love...I wouldn't even let my self fantasize that it could happen, that we could truly be one...but our love was too strong to be denied. I remember how warm her body was, despite the chill from the rain. I remember how soft her small hands were stroking my bare skin. I remember her kisses, deep and strong. I remember the joy, the sheer joy of being with her, skin to skin, heart to heart...Her love overwhelmed me to the point I could think of nothing else but the unadulterated pleasure of being with her. But it was a night never to be re-created...never to be repeated for fear of unleashing the demon inside me. Just one more thing I could never give her...one more thing we couldn't share.

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

Every moment with her was ecstasy. Just being in her presence brought me more happiness than I could ever imagine. But those moments were fraught with worry. I was so afraid that I was going to lose her. I knew I would lose her someday and maybe that's part of why I left. I wanted...I want her to have a normal life with a normal guy, but at the same time that's only an excuse for me to run. I had to leave before she woke up one morning and realized that her dreams had passed her by during the years she spent with me. I had to leave before she understood what a mess she'd made of her life by being with me. I was utterly afraid that that would happen: that she would see me as only a mistake that she wished she hadn't made. That she would hate me with the same intensity she once loved me.

In the end, as always, my past was in the way. So I didn't really have a choice. I couldn't give her what she deserves. She needs to have someone who can be there for her twenty-four hours a day, to laugh with her, cry with her, make love with her, and raise a family with her. She doesn't deserve to be trapped with me and the demon inside. She shouldn't have to face the repercussions of the horrible things I've done in my past, day after day for the rest of our lives. That's my torture, my hell, and I couldn't ask her to share it. Not with all that she's give me...she gave me more than I ever dreamed I could have...friendship...love...life.

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I can't help myself...the tears start to fall as I think of all there was between us and all there never would be. I wish that I could be the one to give her the life she wanted, that I could help her build a normal life. I wish that I could be waiting as she walked down the aisle. I wish that we could make love in the sun on our honeymoon. I wish that I could be in the delivery room with her, welcoming a new life to the world. I wish I could watch our child nursing at her breast. I wish I could see our children grow. I wish I could grow old with her, grow gray with her. I wish I could watch her become the even more wonderful person she has the potential to be.

But I can't be that man...and no amount of wishing can change that.

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I sit here, on the rooftop, looking out over the city, and cry.

Weep not for the memories

Sequel

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