~28~

The men collapsed in a heap as the transport rings deposited them on the deck of the cargo bay. Sam was still unconscious, lying on the floor, just outside of the transport area. Getting to their feet, most of them were checking for injuries, but Jack was at Sam's side in an instant, confirming she was still breathing. Sitting back on the floor, Jack ran a hand through his hair, giving an audible sigh of relief, realizing for the first time his upper arm hurt like hell.

Jacob, too, was on the floor, unable to stand. Teal'c and Harrison were helping him to an upright position.

"Let's get him to that cot," Gregg said, nodding to the closest bunk.

"Sam?" Jacob croaked out.

"She's still out of it," Jack informed him, "but I think she's okay."

A slight smile crossed Jacob's face as he allowed the men to lift him from the floor. "Good."

Jack looked up as Aldwin entered the cargo bay. "Took you long enough," he barked, wincing as he moved his arm, attempting to stand himself.

Aldwin calmly stared at him, unaffected by his words as he pushed Jack back to the floor. "You are injured. It would appear Jacob is as well, I'll get the healing device."

"You might want to take it a little easy on him," Daniel said. "It was pretty tricky trying to transport us with the cloaking shield activated."

Jack mumbled something under his breath as he changed the subject. "Help me get her to a bed." He tried again to stand, but his arm was practically useless.

"We've got her," Daniel said, motioning to Teal'c, who, with Daniel seemed to effortlessly lift Sam onto a bed near her father. "You think she's okay? She looks awfully pale."

Jack watched Daniel touching Sam's face, feeling his stomach tighten. Daniel had every right to touch her, to see if she was all right, but Jack couldn't help wishing he was the one crouched next to her bunk. Even now he was aware he had to keep his distance from her, to show concern, but not as much as he wanted to. He was almost grateful the staff burn on his arm was preventing him from sweeping Sam into a hug and never letting go.

"She feels kind of warm," Daniel said. "It seems kind of odd with her pallor."

Jack was at a loss to explain her condition. "I wish Fraiser was here."

"Maybe we should have brought her along," Daniel said.

"I thought about asking, but Hammond had bent the rules about as far as he was going to letting us go. Speaking of which, we should contact him, let him know the situation."

"I'll do it," Gregg volunteered.

Jack gave him a small smile, nodding his permission. Now that he had Sam back, he didn't feel quite as uncomfortable around the young captain. His resemblance to Carter didn't seem to bother him as much as it had a day ago, and he was thankful. The kid didn't deserve his sour attitude, just because Jack had a problem with equating him with Sam.

Aldwin crossed over to Jacob, holding a healing device over the bleeding gash on his left thigh. He was speaking in low tones to Selmac in Goa'uld, and Jack couldn't understand their conversation. It was just as well, he figured, besides his wound, they were probably discussing what a jerk he'd been.

He hadn't meant to be so short with Aldwin, he had, after all, saved their asses, but he was still worried about Sam. How come she was still unconscious? And what about that "memory" she was having? He was going to have to ask Jacob about that. Well, not about *what* he'd seen but how it was he was he'd seen it.

Jack's thoughts were interrupted by Aldwin tapping him on the shoulder, gesturing to see his arm.

"How's Jacob?" he asked, feeling a little awkward around him after Daniel pointed out how rude he'd been to the man.

"He will be fine. What the healing device was not able to correct, Selmac will be able to repair. He is lucky to have a symbiote."

"Right."

"You do not care much for the Tok'ra, do you Colonel O'Neill?" Aldwin asked, moving the hand-held technology over his scorched arm. Even as he prepared what he hoped was a non-committal answer, Jack felt the pain receding.

"You guys have been pretty handy today," he acknowledged. Swallowing and lowering his voice, Jack continued. "Aldwin, about earlier. . . ."

"It is forgotten. We are all concerned about Samantha."

Jack gave him an appreciative nod, relieved he hadn't made him articulate his apology. "About Sam, you know why she hasn't woken up?"

Aldwin turned his head in the direction of Sam's bed. "The memory device takes a lot of energy from a body. I believe she will sleep for sometime in order to regain her strength."

Again Jack simply nodded. "Any sign Eros is following us?"

"Not yet. Jacob did a good job disabling his ship."

"Yeah, I'm glad he's on our side. I'm glad you're both on our side," Jack added.

"Believe it or not, the rest of the Tok'ra are on your side as well."

Jack gave a derisive snort. "*That* was evident by all the help they sent. Not to belittle your help or anything."

"I know what you mean, O'Neill, but I wish to remind you, in the greater scheme of things, Samantha is but one person. It is hardly a wise action to commit a large force for one person, no matter how important they might be personally."

Jack's head shot up at Aldwin's implication, but he remained silent as the Tok'ra continued. "Did not your own ruling body decree the search for Samantha too costly to expend more effort in finding her?"

Jack's mouth was moving, but little or nothing coherent was coming out. He couldn't hardly argue with Aldwin when the man was right. It was only because of Hammond's own personal ties he'd allowed them the chance to rescue Sam. Fortunately, the gamble had paid off.

"You're right, Aldwin. I can't really fault your people when our own were ready to give up on her."

"But you and her friends did not, and that is what is important," Aldwin said with a smile, clapping Jack on the shoulder before he walked away. Just then, Daniel walked up next to him. Looking between Aldwin and Jack, he gave him a puzzled look.

"What was *that* all about? I mean the last time you were in the same room together I thought you were going to go for his jugular."

"A little healing on a couple fronts," Jack said, showing Daniel his repaired arm.

"Nice. Can he do anything for Sam?"

Jack sighed, flexing his arm, testing his range of motion. "Apparently she just needs to sleep. I wish she'd wake up, though, just so I. . .we knew she was okay." If Daniel noticed his slip, he didn't say anything.

"What happened when you found her?"

Immediately Jack's mind went back to the kiss Sam had given him and he felt his face growing warm. "Is it hot in here?"

"Um, no. Normal temperature."

"Well, you know how the Tok'ra like it so damn hot. . . ."

"Jack, Sam?"

"Right. Well, she wasn't in the place Jacob thought she'd be."

"So, how did you find her?"

Jack leaned closer to Daniel, whispering. "Don't tell Jacob, but I kind of 'fiddled' with his little Goa'uld Gameboy until I found her pattern again."

"Jack! You could have totally lost her signal! You shouldn't mess with stuff you don't understand!"

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Jack reacted defensively. It was perfectly fine for him and Carter to mess with alien technology but he couldn't go near it?

Daniel tried to get the subject back on track. "So you found her. Where were they holding her?"

"Some place that looked like a lab. Actually, the whole place sort of reminded me of Hathor's ship, you know when they froze us?"

Daniel gave a little shudder. "Not a good memory."

"Well, it's not one of my favorites, I can tell you. I came just a *little* too close to being a snake head for life for my liking." Jack sat up a little further, straightening out his legs; his knees were killing him. "At any rate, I saw this figure behind a curtain, and when I looked, it was Carter, hooked up to one of those memory screen thingies."

"So, they were fishing for information, and there wasn't a damn thing Sam could have done to stop it," Daniel said, his voice sounding angry.

"Well, she managed to avoid giving Apophis what he wanted when we were on Netu, I don't think she would have been any more co-operative this time around."

"But that was one night!" Daniel protested. "She's been gone for over three weeks!"

"I don't think she gave them anything they could really use," Jack insisted. "There's no evidence an invasion is on the way. And why would she be alive if they'd gotten what they wanted from her?"

"Well, even if Eros *did* get the information he wanted, that doesn't mean he would killer her. Sam is a beautiful woman after all. . . ."

Jack felt the knot beginning to form in his stomach once more. Of course Daniel would have noticed she was beautiful--it was a little hard not to! And the better a person knew Sam, the more they would see her beauty went beyond the physical. Daniel knew her as well as he did--maybe even better on some levels. Did he have a reason for feeling jealous? Jack tried to think of all the times he'd seen them together. True, they were good friends, but he'd never felt threatened by Daniel. His imagination had probably just kicked into overdrive as a side effect of coming down off an adrenaline high.

"I thought you told me Eros didn't look at other women."

Daniel shrugged. "He didn't have to want her for himself. Maybe he was selling her to Apophis. Could be why he was there."

Jack had to repress a feeling of dread. It would have been one thing for Sam to have been traded to another Goa'uld, but the thought of her with Apophis turned his blood cold. All he could do was whisper another silent prayer of thanks they'd reached her in time.

"So what happened?" Daniel asked.

"Huh?"

"When you found Sam, what happened? She wake up at all?"

"She, uh, woke up for a minute," Jack said, not meeting Daniel's eyes.

"So, was she happy to see you?"

"Oh, yeah, you might say that."

Daniel's features were distorted with a puzzled look. "Why do you say it like that?"

Forcing himself to meet Daniel's gaze, Jack said, "She kissed me."

"Well, if I'd been a prisoner for over three weeks I probably would have kissed you too!"

"Not like that, I hope!" Daniel raised his eyebrows waiting for him to elaborate. Embarrassed once more, Jack said, "she grabbed my head and kissed me. I mean *really* kissed me."

Jack could see Daniel was trying to keep a huge grin from forming on his face. "Well, I've said it before, but it bears repeating--you poor man!"

"It wasn't like that! She didn't know what the hell she was talking about or doing!"

"So, why are you so flustered? If she's not going to remember it when she wakes up, what's the big deal?"

Daniel's words brought to mind another forgotten kiss. Forgotten by Sam, at any rate. True, he didn't worry about her remembering his kiss in the control room of the SGC, but this was different. That kiss had been erased by time. This one could be remembered at any moment.

"What if she does remember it?" Jack asked.

"So you laugh about it," Daniel said. "I would think *you* could get a lot of mileage out of this one! After we got back from P3X-595 I didn't think you were ever going to let up on her."

That was different, Jack thought. That was harmless flirting. If she'd kissed him like that back then, he probably *would* have laughed it off and teased her to no end. But now? Now every touch seemed illicit. A guilty pleasure to be savored. He couldn't make fun of her kissing him, no matter how uncomfortable it made him to tell Daniel what happened, because he'd enjoyed it. And if he wouldn't have been so shocked, he might have found himself kissing her back. . . .

"You're right. I'm sure we'll all have a good laugh over this some day. Might even be some ammunition for blackmail if I need it," Jack smiled, hoping Daniel didn't mention it to Sam. Like so many things that had happened between them in the last few months, it was something better left unsaid.

~29~

Jacob was groggy, but it wasn't unexpected. Even with the advantages of the healing device and Selmac, there was something about a serious injury that still knocked the stuffing right out of him.

*You're not as young as you used to be,* he heard Selmac tease. *But then again, neither am I. Just don't push yourself too hard and I'll have you good as new, or old as the case may be!*

Jacob felt a smile creep across his face as he half-chuckled at Selmac. There was just no way to describe what it was like communicating to another life form within yourself. Fortunately, on Vorash, he didn't have to. When he was among un-blended Humans, though, it was a different story. He always felt he had to apologize for the odd quirks in his behavior. Again, he was grateful for the relative quiet of the cargo bay. Those who weren't resting were in the command center, still monitoring this area of space for signs they were being followed.

He'd woken from time to time, and each time he'd opened his eyes, he noticed Jack hadn't left Sam's side. Oh, it was nothing overt. First he was sitting against the bulkhead near her bed, the next time he was lying on the floor near her bunk, sleeping from all appearances. Even though there was a perfectly comfortable bed a few feet away, he chose not to let her out of his sight.

Jacob smiled at Jack's devotion to his daughter, but it worried him at the same time. He wasn't blind to the fact they were attracted to each other, but he was too much of an old soldier to simply overlook the obstacles they faced both being career military.

*He cares about her* he heard Selmac comment in his head.

*A lot more than he's supposed to,* Jacob answered.

*Do all Tau'ri have such silly rules?*

If it was possible for Jacob to mentally sigh, he would have. *Selmac, you know the answer to that. You're in my head now!*

*I also know you struggle with how to deal with this. There is the part of you who admires Colonel O'Neill, who thinks he's not a bad choice for Samantha. But then there is the side of you that clings to your military training. You must decide what is more important in the greater scheme of things.*

*You know what I think doesn't make a damn bit of difference! It's their lives and their careers. And it is their decision.*

*But it would help Samantha to know you don't out-right disapprove of her choice, either.*

*Maybe. Or perhaps it will just make things that much more difficult for her.*

Before Jacob's internal conversation could continue, Jack sat up, rubbing his eyes, checking on Sam even before he was fully awake. It was almost painful for Jacob to watch. Perhaps he should let the other man know he wasn't alone with Sam.

"How's she doing?" he asked, his voice a little stronger than it had been a few hours ago.

Jack looked up, shaking his head slightly. "She's still out. How're you doing?"

"Oh, a little tired, I guess, but Selmac tells me I'm no worse for wear."

The ghost of a smile flickered across Jack's lips as he turned his attention back to Sam. Still watching her, he asked,

"How come she doesn't wake up? The last time she was hooked up to one of those memory device things she wasn't unconscious."

"They had her hooked up to a memory device?"

"Ah, ya. I guess you missed out on the recap I gave Daniel." Jack told Jacob the pertinent highlights of Sam's rescue, and again wondered aloud why she was still unresponsive.

"Did you shut down the device before disconnecting her?"

"I didn't exactly have time to go looking for an off switch!"

"Well, you probably couldn't have shut it down even if you had. It's kind of a complicated process when the user is attached to a thought-screen."

"I didn't hurt her, did I?"

"No, but I suspect it's the reason she's not waking up. She's in a form of stasis, similar to a coma, but it's not dangerous for short term."

"Jacob?" Jack asked, "the memory device, it can't make things up, can it?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"The stuff that shows up on the screen, it has to be from something a person's experienced, right?"

"Yes. The device stimulates the portion of the brain where memory is stored by increasing the release of certain chemicals for one thing. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. Just curious. So, no fantasies or anything? Just stuff that has actually happened, right?"

"Jack, it can't make up what isn't there! Although, I have heard of theoretically using the mechanism for recreational purposes. Live out your fondest dreams, that sort of thing."

"The Tok'ra been working on that?"

"Actually, it was Anise who suggested the possibility, but I don't think she's had a chance to test her theories." Jack nodded, a frown creasing his forehead before changing the subject once more.

"So, don't you guys have something you can wake her with? The interface is still in her head. Can't you deactivate it with that little pen thingy?"

"I think it would be safest if we wait until she's back in the infirmary. That way if there's any complications, Dr. Fraiser will be on hand."

"It could be dangerous?" Jacob noted the worry in Jack's voice.

"Any time there is something to do with a person's mind it's dangerous," Jacob said. He reached out and touched Jack's arm reassuringly. "I'm sure Sam's going to be all right."

Jack gave him a quirky grin. "Hey, aren't I the one who's supposed to be reassuring you?"

"You can the next time," Jacob said, his eyelids feeling heavy. "Selmac's pushing for me to rest. Wake me if I hit the snooze alarm too many times."

~30~

Sam woke to the sound of incessant beeping. *It sounds like the infirmary,* she thought to herself, but there would be no reason for her to be in the infirmary, unless. . . . Instantly her hands moved to her abdomen. It was flat. Not rounded, filling out almost daily as it had been. Sam's hands started to shake, as she felt the scream welling within her throat. Not the baby! Dear, God, not the baby!

"Janet!" she wailed, tears streaming from her eyes as she sobbed uncontrollably. She heard the sound of running feet, then soothing hands brushing away her tears as the reassuring voice of her friend tried to calm her.

"Shhh, Sam! It's okay, you're at the SGC, you're home."

Sam opened her eyes for the first time, noting the worried look on Janet's face. Oh, God! It was true! Janet wouldn't look so distraught if she hadn't lost the baby!

"Janet," Sam managed through the tears that were choking off her ability to speak. "What happened?" Sam watched her look up, exchanging glances with someone across the bed from her. Turning her head slightly, Sam saw Jack, Daniel, Teal'c, her father and General Hammond, all lining her bedside. At Hammond's nod, Janet said,

"Honey, you were captured on P2X-993 about three weeks ago and we just got you back today. Colonel O'Neill and the rest of your team, along with your father and Aldwin rescued you."

Sam tried to cover her face with her hands, but her left was practically immobile with IV tubes attached. *No!* her mind screamed, this couldn't be happening! P2X-993 was over two years ago! Jack proved it to her! Everything was twisted and she was struggling to make sense of it.

"No," she said, tears still flowing freely. "That's not possible. Jack told me all about how I died there two years ago."

Everyone around her bed looked stunned, especially Jack whose head popped up at the mention of his name. Jacob was about to speak when Sam turned once more.

"Janet, please! What happened to my baby?"

Janet blinked, her eyes impossibly wide. "B...baby?" Casting looks to the men in the room again before she answered, Janet picked up Sam's hand. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"For cryin' out loud, Janet! My baby! What. . .what happened to it?"

Janet was struggling to find words to answer her, but was at a loss. Looking over at Jack, Sam's eyes filled with tears once more.

"Oh, God, Jack! Was there an accident? Did I fall? I'm sorry, I'm *so* sorry!" She was clutching at his BDU's, hand twisted in the material covering his chest. His hand closed over her's as he looked helplessly at Janet.

"Why won't someone tell me what happened?!" Sam screamed. Janet was reaching for a syringe, injecting something into her IV line that soon had her feeling drowsy. She didn't want to sleep! She wanted answers! Why wouldn't they talk to her?"

~31~

Janet looked at the shocked faces of the men surrounding Sam's bed. "Do any of you know what that was about?"

"Not a clue," Daniel said, as wide-eyed as Janet had been moments before.

Jack stood with Sam's hand still pressed to his chest, even though the sedative had made her arm slack. As if he suddenly realized he was clutching her hand, he placed her arm by her side.

"Colonel?" Janet asked, "you said she woke up for a minute when you disconnected the memory device. Did she give you any indication what she might be talking about?"

Jack looked down, shuffling his feet. "Nope, no idea, Doc." Janet didn't quite buy it, but perhaps it was something he'd talk about in private. She looked to each of the men in turn who seemed equally puzzled.

"I'm going to need to run some more tests, obviously. Jacob? Colonel? I'd like you to let me take a look at your injuries." Before they could start to protest, Janet added, "I realize you've both had the advantages of the healing device, but humor me, okay?" Jacob and Jack exchanged exasperated looks, but Janet added extra enticement. "You'll both see Sam the minute she wakes up."

"Where do ya want me, Doc?" Jack asked, removing his outer shirt, still sporting scorch marks and blood from his encounter with a staff weapon.

"That bed over there will be just fine," Janet said, pointing to her left. "Jacob, I'll take a look at you over here. First I'm going to conduct some tests on Sam." As she began to turn away, Jacob stopped her.

"Janet, she mentioned a baby. I know it's only been three weeks, but is there a possibility? I mean would she know that soon? Or is this something that might have happened before she left on that last mission?" Janet didn't miss the glance he sent Jack's way before quickly looking in another direction.

"It's the first thing I'll check," she said, patting him on the arm.

Janet had to admit, at the first mention of a baby her thoughts, too, turned to the colonel, but she couldn't believe either of them would breach the regulations like that. True, she was in the room when they confessed their unprofessional feelings for each other, but that didn't mean they hopped into the first bed they found. In fact, she knew how difficult it had been for Sam lately, working so closely with him. Wondering if every innocent comment and gesture was now looked at from a different point of view. Not only by her commanding officer but her team mates as well. Although nothing official had been mentioned to Daniel, Janet was sure he was aware of the tension between his two colleagues; they were too close-knit a group for him not to notice.

Jack was probably having the same difficulties Sam was, she realized, making her heart ache doubly for him when he'd been the one to leave her on the planet. In the long run, perhaps it was better he *had* been the one. Not that she'd wish that kind of guilt on anyone, but if someone else had left her behind, Jack would have dismembered them with his bare hands.

Tests were run, and still Jacob and Jack found excuses not to leave the infirmary until the results were returned, even though she'd given both men a clean bill of health. While they were waiting, Janet took the opportunity to pull the colonel aside, asking him questions still preying on her mind.

"Colonel? When I asked you earlier if you had any idea about the baby, you seemed a bit nervous, like you knew something, but didn't want to say anything in front of the others."

Jack tensed. "I got nothing to hide, Doc."

"I didn't say you did, sir, I was just wondering if there was something you might have left out when you found Sam . . . ."

Jack looked over his shoulder toward Jacob, who seemed to be absorbed in one of the old magazines by the chairs of the waiting area. "Well, it's not really much, I just saw part of one of her memories."

Janet waited for him to continue. When he didn't, she prompted, "go on."

"It was kind of personal, if you know what I mean."

"Actually, I don't."

Jack sighed, raking a hand through his already disheveled hair. "She, ah, was remembering, um, making love to someone." He said the last part in such a rush, Janet had to think about the words for a moment. "Once I realized what I was seeing, I turned away, I mean it was a *little* too personal for me to be watching, ya know?" Jack winced, as if the memory was painful. In fact, Janet reasoned it probably was difficult for Jack to see Sam in bed with another man, even if it was some guy from her past.

"Well, that doesn't help much, but thanks anyway, Colonel." She turned away, but his voice stopped her.

"Janet? Jacob told me the memory device only brings memories to the surface, but I think the one they used on Sam could bring fantasies to the surface as well."

Janet stopped, turning to face him. "Why do you say that?"

"The guy Sam was with? It was me, and I *swear* we've never been together."

"I believe you, sir." And she did. Sam would have mentioned *something* to her if she'd lost the battle she was waging against her feelings for Jack. Something wasn't adding up, and it was left to her to find out what happened to Sam on that ship.

~32~

Sam fought the effects of the sedative Janet had given her. She'd known the second she'd seen the needle pierce the gasket in her IV line what the doctor had been doing. Hadn't she been in this room enough times to know the routine by now? The pull of the drug had been strong, but her need for answers stronger. Out of some sense of morbid need, Sam moved her hand to her stomach once more, fighting the urge to burst into tears again when she didn't feel her baby.

What could possibly have happened? The last thing she remembered was making love to Jack. Could they have done something to hurt the baby? It was early enough in her pregnancy she'd been assured it was safe, otherwise she would have fought her attraction to her husband.

God, Jack! How in the world was she going to face him, knowing somehow she'd lost their child? What if the baby was the only reason he'd married her? Out of a sense of duty? To do the right thing? Sam mentally shook herself. No. Jack loved her. Even before the baby, even when they were still working together she felt he loved her. She wasn't going to lose him as well. But how was she going to tell him? What if Janet was telling him now? She should be the one to tell him, no matter how difficult it was.

"Janet. . . ." Sam's voice sounded thick to her own ears, no doubt it was even more slurred in reality. It took a moment, but then Sam felt a hand on her arm.

"Sam? You're supposed to be resting."

"I know," she said, her tongue feeling like it had swelled to twice its normal size. "Don't say anything more to Jack about the baby. . . ."

"O. . kay. You shouldn't be awake, you need to rest," Janet repeated. Sam watched her reach for another syringe but she stopped her.

"Please, Janet. Don't give me any more drugs. I just want some answers."

Janet looked indecisive. "Well, as long as you take it easy, I won't give you any more. Besides, I have a few questions of my own." Her warm smile reassured Sam, but did nothing to take away the ache she felt from the knowledge her life had changed drastically once more.

"Janet, how did I lose the baby?" Sam could see the difference in Janet's features as her professional side kicked in.

"Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but there isn't a baby. There never was."

Sam struggled against the IV lines as well as the sedative. "Janet, how can you sit there and tell me that? You've been my doctor since I found out I was pregnant! You did the ultra-sound!"

"Sam, I've never performed any tests for pregnancy on you, other than today, and they've all come back negative. You are not, nor have you ever been pregnant."

"No! That's not possible! When Jack and I returned from our honeymoon in Maui you gave me a complete physical, including a pre-natal exam. Jack was there for most of the tests! Ask him!"

Janet stared at her in open-mouth shock. "Married? Sam, you and Colonel O'Neill. . ."

"For Christ's sake, Janet, you were my Maid of Honor! You're going to tell me you don't remember that? I saw the pictures! Look, I know *my* memory has been affected since Maui, but yours hasn't! And why is Dad here? Did you call him when I lost the baby?"

"Sam, you're not making any sense! It's probably the drugs, in a few hours when the effects have worn off. . ."

"No! It's not the drugs, it's you! Everything is all crazy again!" Sam scrubbed a hand through her hair, muttering to herself. "I can't believe this is happening again!"

"Again?"

Sam took a deep breath. "I know you know this, but I guess I have to tell you anyway. When I was with Jack on our honeymoon, I woke up having lost two years because of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from when I died on P2X-993."

"Died? The Goa'uld used a sarcophagus on you?"

Sam was confused. "Goa'uld? What are you talking about? I died here, in your operating room! I was clinically dead for five minutes! I don't know how, but somehow you managed to bring me back, at least that's what Jack told me. I don't actually remember the event."

"Well, that makes two of us," Janet said. "Sam, you've had a lot of close calls over the years, but I've never called a time of death. I don't think I'd forget something like that."

Sam's brow furrowed. "Why would Jack lie to me? He had no reason to."

"Maybe he didn't. Maybe it was someone else who's been lying to you." Janet held up a small circular piece of metal that resembled a thumbtack. "You had a memory device attached to you when the guys found you."

"What do you mean when the guys found me?" The more she questioned Janet, the more confused she became, even as the drugs were wearing off.

"Sam, I told you. You've been missing for over three weeks. There was a fire fight with a band of Jaffa on '993 and you were captured. With the help of your father and Aldwin, SG-1 rescued you off a Goa'uld ship."

Sam couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips. "Oh, come on, Janet! Jack and I haven't been anywhere further than our own backyard in weeks! You've had me on medical leave for the past two months because I've been dealing with the fact I'd lost two years of my life."

"Let me ask you something. What year do you think it is?"

"It's 2003. July. I don't know the exact date."

"Sam," Janet said gently. "It's May, 2001. Your mission to P2X-993 was on April 18th. Three and a half weeks ago."

"I know our mission to the planet was in April," Sam sighed. "I wrote the proposal. It doesn't change the fact I lost about two years of my life. I *know* it's 2003, I checked to make sure when we got back from Maui because at the time I was questioning what Jack had told me."

Janet walked to her desk, pulling out a calendar. Retuning to Sam's bedside, she held the wire-bound pages out to her. "What does the year say?"

"I can read, Janet! Just because you have an old calendar hanging around is not going to convince me! What I don't understand, is why you're doing this!" Sam said, voice cracking as she struggled not to cry.

"Everything is crazy and now I've lost my baby too. Janet, I don't know how much more of this I can take." Sam's eyes filled with tears once more as she grasped her friends hand.

"You really should get some rest," Janet said, blinking back tears of her own. "We'll talk some more later, okay?"

"Sure," she said, wiping the moisture from her eyes. "Is Jack here? I. . .I need to talk to him."

Janet started to protest once more, then merely nodded. "I'll get him."

~33~

Jack was next to Sam's bed in a flash once Fraiser had given him clearance. "Hey, Carter, how ya doin'? You really gave us a scare you know."

"Carter? Jack, it's been ages since you called me that." Jack looked up, his eyes meeting those of the doctor's. Had she just called him by his first name again? He'd thought earlier it had been some kind of slip, but this time she was clearly choosing to call him by name.

"Well, ah, *Sam,* you still gave us quite a scare," he reiterated. Jack noticed her lower lip was starting to tremble as her eyes filled with tears. The sight was wrenching his heart, and he couldn't help his hand from reaching out to brush away the tears running down her cheek.

"Oh, Jack, I'm *so* sorry!" she sobbed.

"Sorry? For what? God, I'm the one who's sorry! I'm the one who got you captured!"

Sam rushed on as if she hadn't even heard the words he'd spoken.

"I'm sorry I didn't keep our baby safe! I don't know what happened! And Janet won't tell me! All she keeps going on about is how I was captured and spent the last three weeks on some Goa'uld ship! That's crazy! Tell her we've just been at home! Make her tell you how I lost the baby! I don't know why she won't tell me!" Sam wailed, twisting her hand in his shirt once more. Jack was at a complete loss, unable to form words even if he knew what to say.

"God, Jack, I love you so much! You know I wouldn't take any risks when it came to our baby! Tell me you believe me!"

The word "love" hit him straight in the gut. Of course he knew she had feelings for him and was attracted to him, but love? Hell, he wasn't sure he could handle hearing this right now, especially after the guilt he continued to feel. Looking up, Jack noticed Janet had left the room and he was alone with Sam. Fortunately, no one else had heard her confession. Nothing like committing professional suicide in the very place she *shouldn't* be saying those words!

And a *baby?* Sam thought she was having his baby? He couldn't figure out how in the hell had she gotten *that* notion. Although, the thought did warm him for a moment before he realized she was confessing she'd lost the same child. The anguish on her face was tearing his heart out. Even though there was obviously no baby, Sam believed there had been, and she was mourning its loss.

"I believe you, Sam. I know you'd never do anything to hurt your. . .our baby." The words came out stilted, unsure if he was helping or harming her by playing into her delusions.

"Hold me, Jack," she pleaded, her large blue eyes piercing him to the core. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't deny her when she was so obviously upset. Surely Hammond would overlook this infraction of the regulations under the circumstances. Awkwardly, he pulled her into his arms, mindful of the tubes attached to the back of her hand.

Sam settled into his embrace as if she belonged there, wrapping her free arm around him so tightly he was having difficulty breathing. Of course it had nothing to do with the fact he was reacting to having her in his arms, he told himself.

"I love you," she whispered in his ear, almost as if she were prompting a similar response from him. He wanted to say the words, to reassure her, but it wasn't the time nor the place. The best he could do for her was to utter,

"Me too." She seemed to accept the token offering as he felt her relax in his embrace. Brushing the hair back from her face, he lay her gently back on the bed. "You need to get some sleep." When she started to protest, he promised, "I'll talk to Janet and get your answers."

"Thank you, Jack. I knew you would." She was asleep, almost as the words left her mouth. If only they could all get some answers.

~34~

Jack sat in the briefing room, waiting for the others to arrive. They hadn't had a full de-briefing since they'd gone immediately to the infirmary upon returning from the ship. Discussion about the mission was long over-due. He probably should have hit the showers first, he realized, but he hadn't wanted to leave Sam. Jacob was with her now, and Jack wondered if she was still asleep or if she'd woken and asked him about the baby. Rubbing his hands over his stubbled face, he wondered how Jacob would handle the bit of news of *who's* baby she thought she'd lost. Or how Hammond, for that matter, would receive the news. The whole thing felt intensely private to him and he couldn't imagine anything more mortifying than having your colleagues know your fantasies, much less discussing them.

Jack looked up from his doodling as Daniel and Teal'c entered the room. Teal'c inclined his head in acknowledgment as he took a seat at the far end of the table, as Daniel sat across from him. It wasn't until the two men had taken their places that Jack realized how, more often or not, Sam sat next to him. When had their lives become so inter-twined, the rest of his team automatically left the seat next to Jack for her? A part of him felt uneasy Daniel and Teal'c instinctively deferred to Sam, and another part was glad, that on most levels, his feelings for her really hadn't disrupted the group.

"Did you talk to Sam?" Daniel asked, pulling himself closer to the table.

"A little. She was still pretty out of it. You know, with those drugs Doc gave her and all."

Daniel's eyebrows raised. "Did she say something else? I mean, what was the deal with the baby?"

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I'm not sure what's up with that. She seems to think she was pregnant for some reason."

"Kind of a weird way to torture a person," Daniel said.

"Yeah, well, they're Goa'ulds, what can ya say?" Further conversation was halted as Hammond, Jacob and Harrison entered the room. Jack was about to get to his feet when the general waved him down.

"Don't get up. We'll start when Dr. Fraiser gets here." Gregg took a seat next to Daniel, as Jacob sat next to Jack. Hammond was pulling an extra chair over to the table as Janet entered the room.

"Thank you all for being so prompt," the general started, bringing the meeting to order. "I know you're tired, so let's get started." Hammond asked the usual questions: how the mission went, what events led to Jacob and Jack being injured, and if there should be any concern about renewed Goa'uld aggression.

Daniel told the general basically the same story of Eros and Psyche he'd told the others on the ship, and Jack found his attention wandering. Looking over at Jacob, he noticed how worried the man seemed. He couldn't say he blamed him. If his daughter was in the infirmary spouting tales of a life she hadn't lived, he'd be concerned too.

Daniel finished up his lecture on Greek love gods as Jack managed to pull his focus back onto the meeting.

"Colonel? You have anything to add about this mission?"

"No, sir, only that it went better than I expected, and I believe that was due to the involvement of the Tok'ra." Every head in the room to face him. "What? A guy can't give out a compliment once without everyone thinking he's lost his mind?"

"Speaking of losing their mind, I think I have some interesting observations for you," Janet said, as she stood to pass out folders to the occupants of the room. "Inside you'll find copies of Major Carter's test results. Other than being a little underweight, basically, she's healthy." Once everyone had a folder, Janet took her seat once more.

"I'm sure the question most prevalent in everyone's mind is Sam's claim that she's lost a baby."

Gregg Harrison's head shot up, looking at the occupants of the room. "Major Carter was pregnant?"

"Not really," Jack was quick to add. "She just thinks she was, right, Doc?"

"As I've told Sam, I've run every test I know. There is no way she was pregnant. I even took into account hysterical pregnancy, and there's no evidence of that either."

"So why'd Sam think she was having a baby?" Daniel asked.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," Janet said. "It's not only the baby she seems to be having delusions over." She shuffled her papers, casting Jack a nervous glance before adding, "she also seems to think she's married to Colonel O'Neill."

"What?" Hammond cried, leveling a hard stare at Jack.

Jack held up his hands in mock self-defense. "General, I swear I've never been anywhere *near* Vegas!"

Ignoring Jack's flippant response, Hammond asked, "any idea why Major Carter would be having these delusions?"

"The only clue I have is the Tok'ra memory device that was attached to Sam when she was brought to me."

"DoctorFraiser," Teal'c spoke up, "may I see the device?" Janet passed it down the table, allowing everyone a look at the tiny piece of technology. Teal'c studied it from many angles before handing it to Jacob. "It appears as though the mechanism has been altered."

Jacob examined the device as well. "You're right. It has been changed, although I'm not sure what the alterations have done to it." Jacob passed it to Jack who gave it a cursory glance before handing it to Hammond.

"I'd say they've been using it to plant memories," Jack said, looking at Jacob. "Didn't you tell me Anise was talking about the possibility?"

"The possibility, yes, but as far as I know there's been no practical application."

"Looks like there is now," Daniel said.

"So, why would the Goa'uld give her these false memories?" Jack asked.

Daniel shrugged. "Maybe soften her up? Make her feel safe so she would tell them what they wanted to know?"

Janet nodded. "It's one possibility. The point is, this is all very real to Sam. In her mind *we're* the ones who aren't making any sense."

"Kinda reminds me of when Dr. Carter came from that alternate reality. She knew us, but in a different way," Jack said.

"In some ways it is the same," Janet confirmed. "Sam's been brainwashed into believing this new reality, so somehow we have to deprogram her."

"Will she become self-destructive like the za'tarc's did?" Daniel asked. "Maybe we shouldn't try to deprogram her. Maybe we should just let her work with us and hope she starts to realize herself what's real and what's been created."

"I never thought of the suicidal angle," Janet admitted. "Perhaps it would be better to let her come to the realization on her own that this is, in fact, her true reality."

Jack looked around at the people surrounding the table. "And what if it doesn't work? What if she's stuck in La-La land?"

"Then I suppose we'll have to try something more drastic," Janet said. "She seems to have a sense of who she is, what her function is within the SGC. The only real difference is she thinks she's married to Colonel O'Neill and has a life with him."

"And the rest of you don't see this as a problem?"

"Well, Jack, you're obviously not married to her, it won't take her long to figure out you're just friends."

Just friends, Jack thought. Right. Their relationship had never been something as simple as mere friendship. Military people bonded. They almost had to due to the nature of their existence. You couldn't trust your life to some guy who was just someone you worked with. Relationships were formed that were often stronger than family, creating a clan of their own. He and Sam had had this bond from their earliest of days serving with each other, and it had only grown in intensity. Just friends? She'd never been simply his friend. It had always been something more.

And now they expected him to try and ignore the fact she thought she was his wife. It had been difficult enough when Dr. Carter placed him in the role of missing husband. How much harder would it be when it was *his* Sam who insisted they were married?

Jack's thoughts were interrupted by Janet's additional advice. "While I agree with Dr. Jackson about trying to integrate Major Carter back into her everyday life, I can't recommend she be placed on active duty. She's going to be dealing with a lot of emotions, not the least of which will be what she sees as the loss of her child. I suggest she start seeing Dr. MacKinsey to . . ."

"No!" Jack cried. "Not that quack!" Everyone was staring at him, causing him to lower his voice. "If Sa. . .Carter needs to talk to someone, she's got us."

"Colonel, I hardly think you and the rest of SG-1 are qualified. . ."

"If we can't help her, then okay, you get your shot with a shrink, but not MacKinsey."

Janet seemed too tired to argue with him. "Fine. We can discuss this later," she said, rubbing her thumb and forefinger across her eyebrows. "I'm going to keep her in the infirmary for a few days, but after that, I think the best place for her will be her own house. The more familiar things she's surrounded by, the sooner I think her true memories will surface."

"Jacob?" Hammond asked, "you've been awfully quiet though all this. You have anything you'd like to add?"

"I'm just wondering if I shouldn't take her back with me. Maybe since Anise had some theories on altering. . ."

"No!" Jack spoke up again. "I mean, is that such a good idea? No offense, but Anise hasn't exactly had the greatest track record when it comes to dealing with Humans."

Jacob gave him a knowing little smile. "You might be right. She's probably better off here with you. With all of you," he added.

"Then I guess it's been decided," Hammond said. "When Major Carter is up to it, we'll reconvene and bring her up to speed. Dismissed."

~35~

Sam sat in her bed in the infirmary looking everywhere but down, knowing if she did, she'd only be reminded of the child she'd lost. So instead her gaze roamed around the off-white ceiling tiles of the medical bay. She must have occupied this bed before, she realized, because she recognized patterns in the random dots sprinkled across the tile's surface. It was a habit carried over from childhood, when she'd stare at any patterned surface, trying to see pictures in haphazard swirls or dots. It also meant she was totally bored. Jack hadn't been to see her, causing her to feel even more glum. Although the IV had been removed, Janet wouldn't allow her to walk further than the bathroom, and not without assistance. The worst of it was, whenever her hand absently brushed her abdomen, she was instantly reminded of why she was in the infirmary in the first place.

Janet insisted nothing had happened to her child because there had never been one, but it didn't feel that way to Sam. It also brought back the memories of how she felt that morning when she'd woken on Maui when Jack told her they were married. How she could have ever doubted him was beyond her. It was evident how much he loved her. At least it had been until his visits became shorter and more infrequent. He probably didn't know what to say to her about the loss of the baby, and she couldn't blame him. She couldn't look at him without a pain stabbing her in the chest, knowing how he too was feeling the loss.

What she couldn't understand was why Jack was too busy to take her home. Surely as a consultant he didn't have to remain on base? At first, seeing him in BDUs surprised her, but then again, Daniel wasn't in the military and he wore fatigues while he was in the mountain. Jack probably felt more comfortable in military clothing than civvies anyway. Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Hey."

"Jack!" she said, sitting up straighter, running her fingers through her messy hair. "I was wondering when you were going to tear yourself away from Hammond and come see me!"

"Well, you know how things are. . . ."

"Yeah. Somethings never change."

Jack stepped a little closer and when he did, Sam grabbed his hand, pulling him closer still, until she could wind her arms around him.

"I missed you," she said, squeezing him tight and planting a kiss first on his ear, then moving to capture his lips.

Jack's arms moved around her a little stiffly, and he jumped as her lips moved to his. Sam pulled back, noticing immediately he wasn't returning her kiss with the same ardor.

"I missed you too," he whispered into her shoulder, his movements slightly more confident than they had been moments ago.

"I can't believe it's taking you so long to go over some tactical evaluations," she said, releasing him. "When can we go home?"

"Um, well, about that," he said, tapping his fingers against the bed rail. "Hammond wants to meet with you, with all of us before he lets the Doc release you."

"The General? What does he have to do with my being released?"

"After what happened on the Goa'uld ship he wants to make sure everything is okay."

Sam sighed. "Why is everyone talking about this Goa'uld ship I was supposedly on? Jack, you know since I found out I was pregnant I haven't been off-world. Before we were married I was working in my lab, but then there was the incident on Maui, and now Janet won't even let me work part time." Lowering her voice, Sam leaned closer to him. "Actually, I think Janet's been playing Cupid."

Jack's eyes widened. "Why do you think that?"

"I think she thought we needed some time alone together to get reacquainted. I guess she thought it would help me remember the past two years."

"And do you remember them?" he asked.

"No, but I know the things you've told me, so in a way, I guess I have a sense of them."

"Sam, why are you so sure you've lost memories of the past two years?" Jack asked, then looking around he quietly added, "That you think we're married?"

Sam's face burst into a bright grin. "Because you told me we were, Jack! I know you'd never lie to me. If there's anyone I can trust, it's you."

Jack looked down at her heart-felt admission. "I hope you still feel that way, Carter. Even after all that's happened."

Sam was confused, but placed a reassuring hand over his. "I'll always trust you, Jack. No matter what."

"Just remember that when we're in the briefing, okay?"

Sam was beginning to feel nervous. This whole thing was starting to feel like an inquisition. But that was ridiculous. These were her friends! They just wanted to make sure she was okay before they let them go home.

~36~

The briefing room seemed unusually crowded, as Jack escorted Sam into the meeting. Harrison was absent, but everyone else from the previous conference was there. Motioning Sam to a spot next to her father, Jack sat on her right. Normally, he wouldn't have hovered over her, but Sam had his hand clasped so tightly, there was no way to disengage himself without drawing even more attention to the fact they remained close to each other.

Hammond gave Sam a reassuring smile, which she returned. "General Hammond. It's good to see you again, sir."

"You as well, Major. I thought we'd lost you. It's only because Colonel O'Neill and the rest of SG-1 refused to give up that you're here with us today, and for that I'm grateful."

"Me too, sir," Sam replied, although Jack could tell she was merely going through the motions. She hadn't relaxed one bit since they'd entered the room. In fact, she was more tense than ever.

"Perhaps it would be prudent for you to tell us what you remember. From what I understand, you have a slightly different perspective on your captivity than we have."

Sam turned to look at Jack, and he nodded, giving her hand a slight squeeze. "Well, sir, I haven't been a captive. As I've told Doctor Fraiser, I've done very little over the past two months." Turning her head to smile at Jack she added, "other than get to know Jack better. It's been a little odd for both of us to adjust."

"Oh, how so?" Hammond asked.

"He remembers the last two years and I don't. It's a little disconcerting having someone coach you on a life you've already lived."

Hammond's eyes met those of the other people in the room before he continued. "Major, don't you find it a little unrealistic you're married to your commanding officer?"

"Sir, you better than any one should know he's not my CO anymore. He consults with you as a civilian."

Jack's eye brows raised at the implication. "I'm not part of SG-1?"

Sam laughed and said, "Not since you were shot in the knee on P2X-993! General, I'm sorry, but I really don't see what all this has to do with my being released. This is ancient history for all of you. Do you think I have a concussion or something that you're testing my memory of certain events? I know there's still gaps from the PTSD, but it's getting better everyday."

"PTSD?" Hammond asked Doctor Fraiser.

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder," Janet clarified. "According to Major Carter, it's why she claims to be missing two years of her life. The life I believe the Goa'uld implanted."

"Major," the general started, "I believe you've been informed that this, reality, for lack of a better word, has been placed in your mind by an altered memory recall device."

"Yes, Janet's mentioned it, but it's crazy! Why would the Goa'uld want to give me a false life?"

"I think it was to extract information," Daniel said. "I think they wanted you to feel safe, loved, if you will, so you wouldn't resist them when they asked you for intelligence about Earth's defenses."

"But there have been no Goa'ulds!" Sam insisted. Taking a deep breath, she explained slowly, as if she were speaking to children. "I've told you. Jack and I returned home early from Maui because of my memory lapse, and since then, we've just been at home. No Goa'ulds, no aliens of any sort."

"Don't you find that odd?" Daniel pressed. "That you weren't bored, I mean? Sure a vacation away from this place is one thing, but do you really think you could have spent two months with just Jack and not gone nuts?" Jack's head shot up at Daniel's words. "Ah, no offense, Jack."

Jack scowled but let the subject drop. He could be interesting! And he was sure he could have found *something* to keep him and Sam occupied during that time! Judging from what he'd seen on the thought-screen, they'd found plenty to keep busy!

"I. . .I don't know. I guess I never really thought about it," she said, casting a glance over to Jack.

"And what about the Colonel's knee?" Janet asked. "Don't you find it unusual he walks without a limp?"

Sam looked down at Jack's legs as he flexed both knees. "Same old knees" he said.

Sam's hand loosened its grip on his and she pulled away from him. She swallowed then said, "so what you're telling me is that every thing I've come to believe about my life is false. That it's all been a clever manipulation in an effort to work secrets out of me, without my knowledge."

"That's the gist of it, Major," Hammond said.

"Forgive me if I don't believe you, sir, but this is the kind of tactic the Goa'uld *would* use. Try to confuse me into believing I was at liberty to discuss our defenses, here within the SGC. They've made a mock-up of the facility before on Hathor's ship. Frankly, I find the thought of rescuing me from a Goa'uld ship while Apophis was in the vicinity a little harder to swallow than the fact Jack and are married and are living a normal life."

"Has anyone asked you for classified information?"

Sam faltered, as if she remembered something, but didn't quite know what to make of it. "No, sir. Not since I've been here."

"And doesn't that prove to you, Major, that we might possibly be telling you the truth?"

A frown crossed Sam's face, and Jack could see she was having an internal argument. He could always tell when she was mulling over a problem by the way her brows furrowed, and the almost vacant look in her eyes as she looked inward for answers.

"I can't say one way or another right now, General."

Hammond sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Major Carter, if Doctor Fraiser agrees, I believe the best thing for you at the moment would be to return home. Perhaps familiar surroundings will help you remember actual, rather than implanted events."

"I have no objections, other than I feel someone should accompany her," Janet said, looking around the room.

Jack was about to volunteer when Jacob spoke up. "I don't have to be back with the Tok'ra until tomorrow. I'll take her home, stay with her tonight."

A slight smile crossed Sam's face. "Thanks, Dad, but Jack can take me home."

"I think under the circumstances, it might be better if Colonel O'Neill took Sam home," Janet said. "No offense, Jacob, but since he helped her adjust the last time her memories were in question, I think he could be helpful now."

Jacob reached over, clasping Sam's hand. "You okay with this, kid?"

Sam placed her hand over her father's. "Yeah, Dad, it's fine. I know it's hard for you to get away from the Tok'ra. Especially on short notice." She looked down, touching her stomach. "I just wish you'd come for a good reason, instead of. . . ." Sam's eyes filled with tears again as she bit her lip in an effort to maintain her composure. Clearing her throat she added, "I appreciate that you came."

Jack's gaze met Jacob's, understanding his silent command to take care of his daughter. "General? Maybe I should take Carter home?"

"Considering this discussion has produced little in the way of positive results, I agree, Colonel."

~37~

The ride home was silent, and it wasn't a comfortable one, Sam noted. Jack was wound tight, unsure of what to say. Sam wondered if this was how he and Sara began to drift apart; the silence just working away at them until there was nothing left.

Looking up, Sam noticed he'd missed the turn off for their house. "Jack, you missed the exit."

"Um, no. Your exit is the next one."

"We aren't going home?"

"Carter, I *am* taking you home. Your house is the next exit."

"My house. . . .? " Sam willed her emotions to stay in check. "Jack, I don't have my house anymore. I sold it when I moved in with you before the wedding." Jack didn't speak, as if his silence made his actions seem more reasonable. She couldn't believe he was throwing her out! She was beginning to believe the Goa'uld *had* infiltrated the SGC because he certainly wasn't acting like himself!

Jack pulled up in front of her old house. It had been over two years since she'd last seen it, but it still looked the same. Even the trees hadn't grown. Hot tears coursed down her cheeks despite her resolve she wasn't going to get emotional.

Sam heard her door open as Jack offered her a hand up. If he was throwing her out, he was certainly being polite about it! She had no bags, but then she'd probably been rushed to the infirmary when the baby. . . . She had to stop thinking about that or she *would* go crazy.

"What about my things?" she managed to ask.

"They're here, Sam."

"You moved my things already? While I was in the infirmary you moved me out?!"

Jack stopped, placing his hands on her upper arms. "Sam, they've always been here. You've been gone a few weeks, that's all. We took turns watering your plants."

Suddenly, Sam had to see the inside of her old house. They couldn't have moved everything back already, could they? Running up the stairs, she remembered she no longer had a key, but there used to be one stashed behind a light fixture on the porch. Fishing behind the metal plate, she found her spare, amazed it was still there.

If the locks hadn't been changed, it was going to be inhabited by new owners, she told herself. This was all some kind of cruel joke they were playing on her for some unknown reason, and Jack was just waiting for her to open the door to yell "gotcha!"

The key slid in the lock, same as it had years ago. Turning the knob, Sam gasped when she saw the interior of the house. All her things were there. Her bookshelves lined with science journals and other non-fiction texts. There was her old couch, the one Jack said they couldn't get rid of even at a yard sale. Her television, and her plants, looking a little wilted, but still in the spots she normally kept them.

How had they done it? Racing for the bed room she started pulling open drawers. Even her clothes were in the same places she stored them. Her head was pounding. This couldn't be happening! Her life with Jack, was what was real! Somehow, someone had read her mind and created this illusion of her former life, trying to confuse her. For what purpose, she couldn't fathom.

Sam sank to her bed, dazed, as Jack ran into her room. "Sam? Are you all right? Sam!" Jack was shaking her, and it took a moment before she focused on his eyes. She could see he was worried about her. Looking into his eyes, she could see the same love and concern she'd always seen in their brown depths, even when he thought he was hiding his emotions. His eyes never lied, and seeing the devotion mirrored in his gaze, gave her the strength to try and comprehend what was happening.

"Jack," she whispered. "I don't understand what's going on. What's real anymore. This all seems so *normal,* and yet my life with you. . . ."

Jack moved to sit next to her on the bed. "Sam, you have to listen to me. I know what you've been experiencing for the last few weeks seems real to you, but *that's* the deception." Picking up her hand, he guided her fingers to her temple. She felt a small bandage, but couldn't remember how she'd injured herself.

"Is this from a fall? Is that how I lost the baby?"

"There was no baby, Sam. Just like Doc Fraiser told you," he said gently. "The bandage is from where she removed a memory recall device. Like the one you had when we rescued your Dad on Netu, and when we were on Hathor's ship."

"I remember," she said. "But I haven't had any memories surface. I know what that felt like and this isn't it!"

"It was altered. You were being held by Goa'uld's called Eros and Psyche, and Psyche, I'm guessing, is the one who altered the device to *create* images, rather than recall them."

"Why do you think it was this Psyche?"

Jack scratched his eyebrow. "Well, it's Daniel's theory, actually. He says in Greek mythology she was equated with a person's soul. Kinda makes sense she was the one messing with your head, your personality."

"But I don't understand why they would give me this false life. If they were after information, as everyone seems to think, why go to all the bother of a hoax?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Ya got me. Maybe it's like Daniel said, if you didn't feel threatened, you wouldn't fight them when they asked you for information."

Sam thought back to General Hammond's question in the briefing, when he asked her if anyone in the SGC had asked her for information. What she didn't tell him was Jack had been questioning her about the defenses. It didn't make sense at the time he'd been so adamant about telling him of any upgrades to Earth's defenses, but now it did.

"Oh, God," she moaned, burying her face in her hands. Could it really be true everything she remembered sharing with Jack was the lie? It couldn't be! He loved her! She knew that beyond the shadow of a doubt! She couldn't believe the ecstasy she'd felt making love to him was all an illusion, a fabrication from a tiny piece of metal embedded in her temple. Looking at him now she could clearly remember the taste of his kisses, the way his hands felt on her body as they made love. How was it possible she could recall those sensations if she'd never experienced them? If she could trust him, take him at his word, where did that leave her?

Touching her shoulder, Jack asked again, "Sam? Are you all right?"

Sam flinched at the feel of his hand. No! He couldn't touch her, not any longer. She had to forget what it was to be his lover, his wife, and remember her role as his second-in-command. A position that left her bereft of his affection, his ability to express what he felt for her. How was she supposed to go on, knowing what it was like to feel his love while she pretended all they were to each other were colleagues?

Standing, Sam squared her shoulders. "No, but I will be." She turned, looking at Jack with a sorrowful expression. "Sam Carter's always okay, right?"

~38~

Jack stared at Sam, watching as she turned away from him again. He could see she was having a hard time accepting the evidence before her, but he didn't know what to do to help. He was never good with words or emotional situations.

"Look, Carter, maybe it would be better if I gave you a little space. Let you get settled in, you know. . . .?"

Sam's head bobbed and a hand quickly brushed over her face before she turned to him once more, a forced smile gracing her lips. "Sure, Ja. . .sir. I'll be fine. It's just going to take a little time to get acclimated. I'll be back at the SGC before you know it."

Sam's false cheeriness was almost worse than seeing her tears. "You should probably eat something, too. Maybe get some sleep."

"I'm sure everything will look much better in the morning. . .sir." Was she trying to convince him or herself all she needed was some food and a good night's rest?

"I'm sure it will, Carter," he said, reaching out to pat her arm, but she stepped back from him before his hand made contact. Jack pulled his hand back, stuffing it into his pants pocket. "I guess I'll see ya," he said, feeling uneasy about leaving her, but not knowing how to stay without aggravating the situation.

"Good night, sir," Sam said, finally making his decision for him.

"'Night, Carter." Sam had wrapped her arms around herself, doing her best to seem like she was fine, but Jack knew her well enough to recognize when her bravado was kicking in. She was barely holding it together, and it was tearing him apart seeing her so lost.

He'd made it to the living room when he thought to look in her cupboards, to see if she even had anything to eat. He found a couple of cans of soup, a box of stale crackers and a few packages of macaroni and cheese. Geeze, he thought she ate better than that. Of course he should have realized she'd go for convenience over taste when she was always so absorbed in her projects. Plus the fact she'd been gone for three weeks probably meant whatever was in her refrigerator had taken on a life of its own.

Making a decision, he went for the phone, dialing the number he knew by heart. After all, he and Sam were in the same delivery area. Ordering enough food to last her a few days, he was surprised when she stepped into the kitchen.

"Jack! Uh, sorry, sir. It's going to take me a little bit to get used to calling you that again."

"Hey, we're not on base, so don't sweat it."

"Um, sir? What are you doing here? I thought you'd left."

Jack noted how red and swollen Sam's eyes were, and suspected the moment he'd left her bedroom, the dam had burst and she hadn't been able to contain her tears. It was so disconcerting to see her cry. She was always so strong, it was just one more thing to twist his insides when he looked at her. Well, he hadn't *actually* seen her cry, but the end result was the same. He knew she felt things on a lot deeper level than she let on, and it was hard for him to witness those emotions coming to the surface.

"I wanted to see if you had anything here to eat. Turns out you're giving Mother Hubbard a run for her money."

Sam smiled slightly at his joke, making him feel a little better. God, he wanted to give her a hug when she looked so bewildered, but under the circumstances, it probably would be the worst thing he could do. Not only was she still suffering from the memories of their lost life, but he wasn't immune to her, either. He'd missed her so much while she'd been gone. Naturally, he longed for her when guilt was eating away at him. But he also realized he missed *her.* Seeing her smile, hearing her voice, just being around her. Yeah, it was hard to battle the attraction they felt for each other, but it would be far worse not to see her on a daily basis, even if that basis would only ever be platonic. He never grasped how much she was a part of his life until she was gone.

"I just ordered you some food, is all. Chinese. At least there's some vegetables in it."

"Along with a ton of fat," she gently chided.

"Yeah, I know," he grinned at their familiar argument. He insisting the veggies offset the cooking oil, and she bringing up the subject of clogged arteries. At least it was a good sign she remembered their on-going debate. That had to be something, didn't it?

"That wasn't necessary, sir, but I do appreciated it," she said.

"Hey, the least I could do, I mean after all, you would have been here to buy your own groceries if I hadn't. . . ." he couldn't finish his sentence. He wasn't looking for pity, but it was a little hard not to feel responsible for her when she wouldn't be in the state she was in if it wasn't for him.

"Jack," she said, deliberately using his name instead of his rank, "I'm still not clear on what actually happened on the planet, but I *know* you did what you thought was right. That you did your best."

Jack looked into her earnest face. He couldn't believe she could be so generous, so forgiving. It was just one more thing he loved about her. And he did love her, he realized. If the past few weeks had done nothing else, they'd proven his feelings for her went way beyond "caring about her a lot more than he was supposed to."

Without thinking, he pulled her into his arms, hugging her close. "Thanks, Sam. You don't know what your forgiveness means to me." For a few moments they stood there, each holding onto the other, refusing to let go. He didn't know how long they would have remained like that if the door bell hadn't chimed.

"Must be the food," she mumbled into his chest.

"Yeah. I'll get it." Reluctantly he pulled out of her embrace, trying to clear his head as he walked across the room. *Well, that was smart, O'Neill,* he berated himself. He'd been in the process of leaving to avoid a situation like this, and somehow he still managed to end up in her arms. "Talk about inevitable," he mumbled as he pulled the door open.

The delivery kid was buried somewhere under a mountain of white paper bags, but somehow managed to extend his hand to accept payment before he released any food to him.

"Sam? Can you give me a hand here?" he asked, filling her arms with bags as she appeared next to him. Handing the kid a generous tip, Jack picked up his own supply of bags.

"Did you order everything on the menu?" Sam laughed, depositing her armload on the dining room table.

"Just about. They didn't sound too upset though. Must have been a slow night."

Sam stared at the number of bags and containers lining her table. "How in the world am I going to eat all this?"

"Well, most of it I thought you'd save for later. Nuke it as you wanted it."

"I don't know what to say. This had to cost you a fortune!"

"Well, that's why they give you *fortune* cookies!"

Sam groaned at his lame joke, but her smile revealed she found it humorous. She was starting to seem a bit like her old self, and if he had to fork out a good chunk of change for that, it was worth it.

"Well, it looks like you're all set," he said, preparing to leave once more.

"Stay? For dinner, I mean. After all, you paid for all this and I certainly have plenty."

Looking into her eyes, Jack could tell she wasn't just being polite. She wanted the company, and truth be told, the thought of his empty house wasn't nearly as inviting as the thought of eating from take-out cartons with her.

"Well, I guess I am a little hungry," he admitted, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"Good! I'll get the plates and maybe we could watch a movie?" Her face looked so hopeful, he couldn't tell her he'd probably be gone before the credits rolled.

"Sounds good, but I get to pick it out. I am *definitely* not in the mood for one of your chick flicks!" Actually, he didn't care either way, but he knew the subject would provoke her, and he smiled to himself as she didn't disappoint him by launching into the merits of romantic comedies.

~39~

Jack woke to someone kissing him. And it wasn't some innocent good morning peck on the cheek! He felt her lips tracing his jaw before moving back to his mouth once more. Instinctively, he opened his mouth, accepting her caressing tongue before reason kicked in, overshadowing his hormones.

"Sam!" he called, gently pushing her away, noting she wasn't fully awake, but slowly was becoming more aware. Suddenly her eyes popped open as she realized where she was and what she'd been doing.

He was spread out on her sofa, and she was lying on top of him. The last thing he remembered was eating dinner, then settling back to watch the movie. He must have dozed off because he didn't recall the movie coming to an end, or Sam draped all over him for that matter. She, too, must have succumbed to her fatigue as dirty plates and empty cartons still littered her coffee table. For a moment he enjoyed how right it felt to hold her, experiencing a fraction of what she'd come to know with her false memories.

Suddenly, comprehending where she was and what she'd been doing, Sam jumped off the couch, muttering a stream of apologies.

"Oh, God, sir! I'm sorry! I was having a dream and. . . ." her words trailed off as her face flushed bright red. He didn't need her to articulate where her thoughts had been; her actions had spoke volumes.

"Carter! It's okay!" he tried to reassure her. In fact, it had been more than okay. He was just sorry he couldn't share her dream with her. For a moment, he was almost jealous she had memories of the two of them, whether they'd been implanted or not. What would it be like, he wondered, to wake up next to her and pull her closer rather than push her away?

"It's just all so confusing!" she said, running fingers through her hair, pacing around the room, and frantically picking up dishes and cartons in an effort to keep moving. "I know you told me I was a captive, but all I remember is our other life, and sometimes I forget which is which."

Jack was on his feet, stopping her from her flight around the room. "For cryin' out loud, Carter! Cut yourself some slack! It's only been a few days, and you didn't really believe me until yesterday! And it was just a kiss! It's not like anything happened." He watched Sam's face fall, as if she was almost disappointed nothing had occurred.

"And nothing ever will," she whispered, turning away from him with an armload of garbage. Those words cut through him as he realized the truth. They would always remain in this tortuous limbo as long as they were both in the Air Force. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? If he remembered correctly, the reason they'd been together in her implanted life was because he'd been incapacitated by an injury. Until that happened in real life, the only other option was retirement. And he wasn't sure he was ready for that. Even if it meant he and Sam could be together.

Sam had her arms braced against the counter, back to him. "You know the truly funny part? I really fought hard against what everyone in that reality was telling me. I kept questioning you, Janet, my dad. For some reason I was so resistant to believing what they were telling me. It's just ironic when it's everything I've ever wanted."

Sam's honesty hit him square in the chest. Everything she's ever wanted? *He* was everything she's ever wanted? He knew she cared deeply for him, and well, in the infirmary she'd told him she loved him, but for some reason it didn't impact him as much as this confession. Again he was at a loss for words. How could he tell her he felt the same way and expect to work with her as if there was nothing between them? Which choice was more cruel? Tell her she was all he ever wanted as well? Or remain silent and let her believe their attraction wasn't as equal as she'd thought?

He couldn't stay in her house any longer. He needed some space to think, to try to come to a rational decision without her influencing him.

"Sam, I'm really sorry to leave like this, but I need to go home, get cleaned up before I return to the base."

Sam turned, giving him a sad smile. "I understand. Thanks for everything you've done, Ja. . .sir. It really means a lot that you. . .well, I appreciate it, Colonel."

Jack stiffened at the sound of his rank on her lips. He was getting rather used to hearing her call him Jack. There was something about the way she pronounced his name that did things to his insides. Things he didn't feel when Hammond or Daniel called him by name, and again, he found it dangerous. Damn! He couldn't find anything about her he didn't see as endearing. Why couldn't she have drooled in her sleep, snored or something? At least then he might have had some defense against her assault on his emotions. Perhaps it was a good thing he *was* "sir" again.

~40~

Sam watched the door close as Jack left. It was hard watching him go, especially when there seemed so much they needed to talk about. Well, she did, anyway. Maybe he was too close to the situation, she thought, since basically, he was the problem.

She supposed she could talk to Janet, but quite frankly, she was a little embarrassed about the way she'd insisted her imaginary life was the one that was real. It wouldn't be so bad if it *was* truly a dream, with pleasantly vague memories. Unfortunately, everything in her mind was as vivid and real to her as if it had happened. Which was why she'd woke finding herself kissing Jack. She was awake enough to know what she was doing, just not remembering he was now off-limits. When she'd heard his startled cry, she instantly realized what she'd been doing was no longer allowed. He wasn't her husband, the father of her child. He was her CO and she was sprawled on top of him, making out with him like some teenager.

That in itself was bad enough, but the worst of it was, until he pushed her away, she didn't care. She didn't care she was risking her career with inappropriate actions because she wanted him. She could live with the fact she had to return to her old life if only she knew he loved her. If she had the promise of someday, she might be able to put the episode behind her. As it was, she found herself clinging to her false memories. The only part of Jack she'd ever have.

Looking around her house, Sam realized while it felt familiar to her, it no longer felt like her home. At first it had been strange living in Jack's house, but once she'd settled in, she found it more a of a home than her house now seemed to be. Not that she found the space uncomfortable, it was more that it lacked the warmth of Jack's house. Of course, that had more to do with the occupant than the actual building. She remembered the anticipation she'd felt waiting for him to return when he'd be gone for the day. For a retired guy, he certainly had kept busy! Between consulting with the SGC, he'd been active in youth organizations, providing the leadership they always seemed to need.

Suddenly Sam stopped cleaning. Where had those ideas come from? She didn't have any facts to base those memories on. She knew the Goa'uld's had placed fake memories in her head, but how could they be so accurate? Helping out a group of kids is exactly the kind of thing Jack would do if he was retired. Had they gotten that notion from her subconscious?

She remembered her arguments to the other Janet--how Jack's romancing was almost *too* perfect, how it was the way *she* imagined their relationship would be. Perhaps if she concentrated on the fact her memories were actually just enhanced fantasies, she'd be able to move on. Get on with her life as it had been since the their za'tarc testing--look and feel, but don't touch. Was it really any surprise she wanted to cling to the memories of openly loving him?

Sam shook her head. Well, she *did* have to get over it if she expected to work with him again as his second-in-command. She had to think battle strategies, not if she should cook pot roast for dinner. Maybe she should take a walk, got used to *her* Earth again. Perhaps something different than her empty house.

~41~

Jack sat in the commissary, toying with his mug of coffee, more than drinking it. Rubbing a hand over his face, he didn't need his aching back to remind him of his night on Sam's sofa. She hadn't left his mind all morning, which really wasn't anything new, other than he was constantly thinking about her. Normally, he'd have a mental flash of her face, remember a bit of a conversation they'd had, but nothing like the preoccupation he had with her today.

He was such a coward. She obviously wasn't comfortable being alone in her house, but he fled her dwelling first chance he got. Well, if he was honest it wasn't the *first* chance. He could have left as soon as he'd ordered her some food, but he didn't want to leave any more than she wanted him to. It was probably the incident that morning that caused the panic to set in, causing him to bolt. There was a thin enough wall between them, and now, with Sam's artificial memories, the barrier had been weakened further still. It wasn't until he left her house he realized it was always her putting on the brakes more than him. She taking responsibility for keeping them on track. How was he going to do the right thing when she was no longer saying no?

"Hey, Jack, you're here early," he heard a familiar voice say.

Looking up, Jack saw Daniel standing before him with a heavily laden tray. Not only did it amaze Jack he could put away that much food in the morning, but it was *commissary* food he was able to consume.

"I woke up early," he shrugged. "Thought maybe if I came in early I might actually get a start on those reports of Carter's rescue. Have a seat."

"Guess it isn't working, huh?"

"What isn't working?" Jack instantly jumped on him.

"Getting to your reports. Why, what did you think I was talking about?"

"Um, nothing," Jack said, taking a sip of his cold coffee to avoid answering him. They sat in silence which was getting noticeably tense. Daniel was looking around the commissary, hefting a fork full of eggs to his mouth as his eyes met Jack's. Jack quickly looked away, unsure why Daniel's presence was making him nervous. *He sees too much, sometimes* he thought.

"So, how's Sam?" Daniel asked, tone neutral.

"How would I know?"

Daniel's eyes grew wider. "Well, you took her home yesterday, I thought maybe you might have stuck around a little while to see if she was okay."

"I ordered her some food, we talked a little, that was about it," Jack mumbled.

Daniel wasn't going to let the subject drop. "So what did you tell her? I mean how did you convince her you and her aren't you know. . . ." Daniel's hand was motioning between the two of them.

Jack swallowed. "Married?"

"Yeah, that."

"Well, I didn't really say much of anything. Seeing her house seemed to do most of the convincing."

"It must have been quite a shock for her," Daniel said, his voice sympathetic.

"Well, ya know. It's kind of hard being single after being married to me. Once you've had Jack, you'll never go back!" he tried to joke, but the humor fell flat.

Daniel had abandoned his breakfast, adopting a serious tone. "I would imagine that's what the real problem is." Jack looked up at him. "I would think that's the problem for both of you."

Jack was about to protest when Daniel held up his hand.

"Just hear me out. Look, I know we haven't really discussed this before, and now is probably not the best time, but. . ."

"You're right. This is not the time. Never work for you?" Jack said, starting to rise.

"BUT," Daniel stressed, clamping a hand around his wrist, "I think we should."

Jack retook his seat, unsure if he wanted to hear Daniel's viewpoint about his relationship with Sam. Raising his eyebrows, Jack invited Daniel's observations.

Daniel lowered his voice, leaning towards Jack. "You and Sam have a bond, one you don't share with Teal'c or me." Jack looked about ready to argue when Daniel rushed on. "Maybe it's the military thing, I don't know, but you can't deny you relate to her on a different level than you do us. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but you seem to think so."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you fight so hard to appear impartial where she's concerned. Especially lately. I don't know if something's happened between you that you're not telling me, but I guess when you're ready, you'll let me know."

"Daniel," Jack sighed, "there's nothing going on with Carter and me, despite what she thinks right now."

"Maybe there should be."

"What are you saying?" Daniel sat back, pushing his tray away from him. "I'm saying you're committed to each other in every other way possible. Just because you're not sleeping together doesn't mean you don't feel. . .strongly for her. Let me ask you something. I bet she's been on your mind ever since you woke up this morning hasn't she?"

Jack looked away, hoping his face wasn't flushing at the honesty in Daniel's words. "We just got her back from the Goa'ulds. Of course I'm thinking about her. I'll bet you're thinking about her too."

"I doubt in the same way," he smiled. "Jack, I'm not trying to put you on the spot or anything here. What you feel or don't feel for Sam is really none of my business other than I want to see my friends happy." There was a silence, then Jack turned his attention back to Daniel.

"You know there's nothing we can do about it," he practically whispered.

Daniel merely nodded. "And Sam having all these memories of you isn't helping matters. You know, until she feels a bit more like herself, maybe it would be better if Teal'c or I checked up on her. It might make it easier for both of you."

Jack knew Daniel's heart was in the right place, but he wasn't sure he *wanted* someone else checking up on her. "Well, ya know, Fraiser seems to think I'm the best candidate to help her through this," he tried to argue.

"That was just until she realized she was a victim of mind control. Now, being around you might be rubbing salt in the wound."

Jack thought about all Daniel had said. Maybe he was right. Maybe he wasn't the one to try to help Sam through this. As much as he wanted to, he was, no doubt, a painful reminder of what she once had.

"You've got a point," Jack said, exhaling. "If Fraiser agrees, maybe it would be better to let you guys check on her, but make sure she knows why I haven't been around, okay?"

"I promise we'll let her know. I think this is the best thing, Jack. For everyone."

"Let's hope so."

~42~

Sam's walk took her to a small shopping center, and she decided some coffee and window shopping would be a therapeutic distraction. She wasn't usually much of a shopper, but perhaps today, poking around the shops might be relaxing.

Sipping coffee as she strolled down the sidewalk, Sam peered into windows displaying housewares, clothing, hardware, home decorating items. She'd just finished her coffee when she saw a lamp in one of the stores, and she had to investigate further.

Entering the shop, Sam noted it was mostly antiques and reproductions of items from years gone by. Normally, she wasn't much for the truly retro look, but there was something about the lamp that made her think it would be perfect on the end table closest to the fireplace. "This is perfect," she muttered out loud, picking up the lamp, examining it closer. A clerk stepped closer, offering to show her the lamp illuminated. Following the sales girl to the counter where she plugged it in, Sam was even more certain it was just what they needed.

"Jack will love this," she smiled to the young clerk. "It'll go perfect with the sofa and. . . ."

The salesperson must not have heard Sam's words trailing off as she turned around with a bright smile. "Jack's your husband?"

Sam felt a pain in her stomach as she realized what she was doing. Buying a lamp for their house. Not Jack's house, but theirs, the one she still saw as partially hers. Swallowing back the tears that were threatening to form, Sam found her voice.

"I . . .I'm sorry, but I've changed my mind. I'm sorry to have wasted your time." Before the woman could respond, Sam was rushing out of the shop, ignoring the clerk's calls asking if she was all right.

*No, I'm not all right* She told herself. Everything came back to Jack and their supposed life together. Throughout her walk, all she could think of was him. Not only how much she missed what she used to have, but the uncertainty she'd seen on his face when he'd left that morning. And just now? Almost buying an accessory for a house that wasn't hers?

Sam wandered down the street a little further, deciding to go to the end of the block before she returned to her empty house. At least there was food there Jack had provided. Again, she couldn't seem to equate anything in her life without it being in terms of Jack!

Standing on the corner, waiting for the light to change, Sam looked up and noticed a shop on her right. "Toys 'N Tots" the sign proclaimed, and she was drawn to the storefront by some sense of morbid curiosity. Standing at the glass, Sam saw her distraught reflection staring back at her. This is the type of store she and Jack would have been looking in right about now, she thought. Giddy over the prospect of preparing for their first child.

But that child was a lie, a fabrication of two aliens who'd been using her as a means to get information about Earth. So how come it still felt so real? How could it continue to hurt so much? Even doing something as mundane as shopping she was haunted by false recollections. How long would it take before everything stopped being a constant reminder of what she didn't have?

On to Part 4

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