Words by Sherman Dorn, 2003
With apologies to all Dr. Seuss fans (including myself). For a similar parody, see the anonymous Spam I Am.
There is that i-Em exec. She sure is high-tech. She's a marketing panther. Her name is Samantha. i-Em Sam. Sam i-Em. How I hate that Sam i-Em. Would you like e-mail newsletters from i-Em? I do not like e-mail and spam. I will delete it, Sam i-Em. Would you try African oil? Invest ten grand and take the spoils. I will not fall for African oil. I won't invest my cash for spoils. I do not like e-mail and spam. I will delete it, Sam i-Em. Will you save poor NPR. Help Carl Kassell keep his car. I like and fund old NPR, and no one there will lose his car. I will not fall for African oil. I won't invest my cash for spoils. I do not like e-mail and spam. I will delete it, Sam i-Em. Will you send postcards for cancer? There's a sick girl for whom cards will enhance her. I don't need to send postcards for cancer. That boy is well, and you're not my entrancer. No one's threatening NPR, and no one there will lose his car. No one wins that African oil. It's not the victim who enjoys the spoils. I do not like e-mail and spam. I will delete it, Sam i-Em. Would you like some porn for thee? We have great passwords--they're for free! I don't much care for porn for me. I don't care if the password's free. That pic you sent -- I just won't chance her. I don't send stuff for boys with cancer. No one's threatening NPR, and no one there will lose his car. No one wins that African oil. It's not the victim who gets spoils. I do not like e-mail and spam. I will delete it, Sam i-Em. Would you like some greater girth? Want to give her greater mirth? No herbal stuff will boost your girth. All your crap has zero worth. I don't much care for porn for me. I don't care if the password's free. That jpeg sent ain't of a dancer. I don't send stuff for boys with cancer. No one's threatening NPR, and no one there will lose his car. I do not like e-mail and spam. I will delete it, Sam i-Em. Would you like to lose some weight? You'll get thin. It's your fate! I don't need spam to lose more weight unless it's stress from all the bait. No herbal stuff will boost your girth. All your crap has zero worth. No one's threatening NPR, and no one there will lose his car. I do not like e-mail and spam. I will delete it, Sam i-Em. Save some dough on all your drugs. Our docs will write. You chug-a-lug. I do not need your help with drugs. All my software now has bugs. I spend three hours every day on e-mail that you send my way. I do not like e-mail and spam. I will delete it, Sam i-Em. Work from home for easy cash. Fly to Rome with all that stash! Try it, try it! You will see! Try a server, three months free! Sam! If you will let me be. I will try it. You will see! click-clack-click-click-clack-beep! Say! I now get dough from e-mail spam! I do! I like it, Sam i-Em! I'll tell all of Nigerian oil, Invite their help, and win the spoils; Set up porn on an off-shore server and take cash from all who deserve her; Market herbal stuff like Viagra for those who are traveling to Niagara; Sell enlargement here and there, sell to folks most anywhere; Now I'm rich from e-mail spam. Thank you, thank you, Sam i-Em!
Copyright © 1992,
Sherman Dorn
Last updated May 26, 2003
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