Incantation Disorder

Sitting on the dungeon floor it all was clear to me
how my plans to help the world had just been stupid vanity.
I could read the Thaumaturgy and could draw my figures well,
but the darnedest thing of all was that I just couldn't spell.
The problem wasn't that my errors made the grammar wrong.
The Power doesn't care how well I speak.
But if I don't say exactly what I need It to do.
The outlook for my safety's pretty bleak.
I've got that ...

Incantation disorder,
Everyone tells me so.
When I get those magic words backwards,
There's no telling how things will go.

When I start I get it right the first three words or four,
but if I muff the fifth word, then my stomach hits the floor.
For when I get it wrong results will surely be adverse,
and we'll lose a war, see O. J.'s trial, or something even worse.
When I told my first liege lord that I was but a lad,
he yelled at me and said he needed a crown upon his head.
I goofed up good and asked the Power for an apt and fitting hat,
and so in court he appeared with an upturned chamber pot instead.
I've got that ...

(chorus)

My second lord was greedy and so I made him gold,
but I forgot the taxes and downriver he was sold.
Wings was the desire of my third liege lord from me.
But he flew into an aerie and was thrown into the sea.
The next lord wanted lovers of a dozen women dear
and asked to have a prowess that before was never seen.
The sight of him was quite new, yet it made not love but fear,
for the purple stripes and thirteen horns made my lord quite mean.
I've got that ...

(chorus)

The first wish of my next lord was immortality.
I made of him a long-lived thing; he made a fine pine tree.
Fame was next; my lord wanted to be in history's spot.
His name was Tricky Dick and sure he ne'er will be forgot.
Love was my undoing, and not my lords' demands.
The head may do the thinking, but the heart always commands.
I spelled to get a rival good; it was a bloody mess.
And as I sit in gaol I choose my next victim to bless.
I've got that ...

(chorus)

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