Lois' Tale

Words: Sherman Dorn, 2002
Music: "Superman's Sex Life Boogie" (Tom Smith)

You've heard the story that's oft been told
of Superman's love for a heart that's cold.
Well, you'll hear it in this song again,
except this time the version is Lois Lane's.
She likes to hear the talk, and she has her spies.
She knows what happens when Superman flies.
She's got great wits, knows what's meant to be.
She ain't so dumb that she just can't see.

He can change in a telephone booth, bend laws that no one else can.
But none of his weird chauvenistic crap makes her want a superman.
He's faster than a speeding bullet: she only wants to talk,
so she's put on a sturdy chastity belt with a brand-new kryptonite lock.

She's a Pulitzer Prize-winning daily joe
who tells her readers who'd directing the show.
When her deskmate's face seemed just the same
as the guy in tights', well, she saw the game.
Before Superman flew, she knew Kent had fled.
She didn't need deception in her bed.
She was sure that he thought she was just a broad,
but it's her job to unmask the gods.

She's told him a thousand times he can forget about any sex.
She's got power over him, not allure but edited text (spoken: "of his secret").
He's faster than a speeding bullet, while she's only watching the clock,
so she's kept on her sturdy chastity belt with its brand-new kryptonite lock.

Secrets don't just come in ones and twos,
for you know a group of them is called the blues.
Lois found out a rather big one today.
The savior of Metropolis is very gay.
Ever notice supervillains have such tight buns.
Ever wonder where they learned how those tricks were done.
There's erotic subtext in the way that they draw.
When Clark broke up with each one he bawled.

Even a gay superhero has moments when he's down.
If he loses control, his binges on chocolate will add a few thousand pounds.
So he's faster than a speeding bullet, when his heart's dropped like a rock. (He might just)
visit a bicycle shop and lie underneath all those kryptonite locks.

Lane takes Kent out to dinner tonight
to tell him what doesn't work and what just might.
Clark doesn't stifle boyfriends any more,
and Lane has one more source than before.
She flirts at work, but she knows the deal.
Clark has his men, and she doesn't squeal.
Lois Lane and Clark Kent now are free,
and she's staying home with her LCD.

You'd think there wouldn't be anything that would keep them tightly bound,
But there isn't any law protecting them from job bias in this town.
So though he's faster than a speeding bullet, they protect each other from talk
(spoken: "she knows he sees she's got...")
labrys-studded chastity belts ... with leather-clad kryptonite locks.

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