Oy, Danny Boy

Tune: "Don't Push That Button"

Danny was a grocer who sold all kinds of jars,
some with pickles, borscht, or jellied fish.
He knew that stuff called may'naisse best lubricated cars
and that horseradish made a dainty dish.
But olives were his specialty; he sold 'em black and green,
Pimentoed, pitted, plain, and from Paris.
But when some health nuts labeled him the worst they'd ever seen,
They pushed his button, and he said with glee . . .

"Don't pish that noshing; it's fatty? Oy!
Don't pish that noshing; be a big, strong boy.
It's healthy to be zaftig; you need to pull your weight.
Enjoy your meals, sonny, and be sure to clear your plate.
Don't pish that noshing; there's no taste in soy.
Don't pish that noshing and be a skinny goy.
Gefilte fish and matzoh brie's our version of soul food.
Don't slander me, for Oprah has been sued."

When Danny worked alone one day a sudden blizzard struck,
and in his store poor Danny he was stuck.
He realized in terror that he'd have to eat his wares,
and packed a box to carry to the stairs.
While listening to the winds, he piled up his plate,
and then dear Danny ate and ate and ate.
And when the snows all melted, they found poor Danny dead.
His obit in the next day's paper read . . .

"You passed on noshing, Danny Boy.
Done in by noshing, sure 'tis no joy to say that he was killed by the foodstuffs that he sold.
He said the stuff was healthy, but for him the bell has tolled.
He passed on noshing, Danny Boy.
We are not joshing, you hoi polloi.
Next time you eat fritos or burgers or a fry,
you know at least the way that you shall die."

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