Voting Irregularities

Words: Sherman Dorn, 2000
Music: "The Good Ship Calabarr" (trad.) aka "Divine Irregularity" (Tom Smith, 1987)
Come gather, network watchers, and your hearts will turn quite cold
as Brokaw, Shaw, and Rather go in search of a magic poll.
Well, maybe not so magic, in fact 'twas oversold.
And maybe by the New Year, Al or George will truly fold.

The Democrat was Mighty Al, he fought with doubled tongue.
He wiped his feet on Ross Perot, and Bradley soon was done.
There was also a guy named Lieberman, a moral, smiling man.
Who knew he'd soon be shaking all the film producers' hands?

George, the former frat boy, lived the Zen of liberty.
His father's friends raised funds with which to buy the GOP.
He begged us all to trust him -- after all the Clinton lies.
But he never told us that he once was caught for DUI.

Their battle chiefs were paying folks commercials for to make.
Thirty seconds on the air was all that we would take.
They'd numb our brains for breakfast, lunch, and dinner very late.
And if that didn't work, well, they always had the three TV debates.

So the polling then proceeded early Tuesday through the day,
and when it all was over, well, the networks, they would say,
But halfway there the pollsters shook and the anchors had to sigh,
For the people made their minds up, and the darned thing was a tie.

  And they talked through the evening, and they talked through midnight,
  and they rambled through the Bushes where the voters wouldn't go.
  Talked so fast that the mics couldn't catch 'em...
  Sorry.

Then Al said, "Sue the brother?  Hey, that's always worth a try!
We'll talk about the 'people's will' -- we know it's do or die."
But lawyers' filings are like rabbits, for they multiply.
And the lawsuits heaped up tree by tree, --
(tune:  "March of Cambreadth") How many briefs are piled high?

George was not much better, for he laid claim to the turf.
That he still wants to be president is proof he's not from Earth.
James Baker said, "The court is wrong!  You can't vote how you please.
Technicalities are important -- unless you're overseas."

So if you ask the pollsters, this is what they just might say:
"The folks you call on weekends aren't the same as on weekdays.
And never fight election counts, nor call your foe uncouth,
For the people just might see through you, and then they'll know the
truth."
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