J'Tao's "Rant of the moment"

Today is Thursday December 16th, 1999. And I was terminated by Amazon.com on Tuesday night.. Details to follow.....

Today is Thursday December 9th, 1999. Sheesh.. sorry I haven't posted anything to this page. This seems to be the only page that I do add to on a (er uh, should I even say it. I feel like I am lying) "Semi-Regular" (and remember I use the term loosely) basis. Well well well.. Tons has happened since my last rant entry. Although, the funny thing (well not so funny) is that I am going to re-announce something. I will steal it directly from the last rant "if anyone reading this lives in Seattle and knows somewhere I can live, by all means EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW! I can probably afford up to $500-600 a month. But I hope to find something cheaper than that. I still work full time (in my favor for an apartment search), but I have bad credit (need I say more)".. There.. Now that I got that out of the way. On with the changes, and updates. (In case you didn't guess... I REALLY REALLY need to find a place to live.. Although tomorrow is payday and I will be calling a bunch of places, PLEASE EMAIL GBSLZ@HOTMAIL.COM or JTAO@MYTALK.COM if you can think of anything. Referrals (even from random web strangers/surfers) are better that blindly looking. Hey.. I used to have my resume up on this here website back in Feb/March. Someone snooping through my site noticed the "I NEED A JOB IN SEATTLE!" link to my resume on my homepage, told me about a job and offered me a reference. I was picked up by the temp agency he referred me to and was hired on by the company after my 4 week trial/training. I think the job that I got from that was, uh.... http://www.amazon.com! So, I am still hoping that some poor guy/gal who surfs in, is looking for a hippy, punk, laid back kinda roomate, or has a friend who is, or has some unreal lead on like say "I got this friend who rents like this house man. And like he pays like $450 for like the 3 bedroom house, right dude. And then like he has someone for like all 3 of his rooms.. But then like you know, the other day, he thought "wow.. instead of all 3 of us paying like you know a third of $450. We could make it even less than that! Like.. dood wanna rent the basement. I totally forgot about the basement room. Like, I guess they used to rent it out by itself, cus the put in a bathroom".. That's the kind of email I wanna hear!!
OK.. Recent news, I survived the police STUPIDITY and BRUTALITY last week. As the WHOLE WORLD was watching, Seattle police made up for their unpreparedness (refusing to take the advice of consultants and plain common sense) by turning massive protests and peaceful demonstrations taking place outside the World Trade Organization ministerial summit, into something reminiscint of (oh this is being kind) a non-lethal Nazi army. From reports all over the media, "Police unprepared/untrained to deal with this". Well.. The whole year they spent preparing must have been a long course on how to intimidate, and brutalize protesters. Intimidating marches. In sync, knocking their baton... er uh.. those weren't batons... knocking their long wooden poles against their riot shin guards. Thus the haunting silence on a few occasions when they walked. Then all you could see was a bunch of cops marching and the "clunk..clunk..clunk" of theie "baton" being hit on their leg guard. It was the closest thing I had ever seen to the conformist Nazi armys being paraded in the streets like that. If for no other reason than to intimidate.
But it seems like the cops were trained to walk in unison, imitating Nazi troops and puting property value above people value. Nowhere in their training did they learn how to respond to a crowd of, oh let's say 20 times the size of your police contingent. Obviously, they reacted with fear. And when people who have minds of police get afraid, they go on the offensive. The seemingly obvious way to control a peaceful group of demonstrators is (you guessed it!) with loads of Tear Gas (so much that they ran out on Tuesday, begging (and drying up) other departments in the area and a special trip to Wyoming for a shipment from the feds; rushed to the frontlines by plainclothsed cops in a gym bag), Concussion Grenages (they shoot these things in the air, where they explode like a bomb. Lovely deterrent) and hard plastic bullets. This is auxillury to the Riot Gear and masks (gas and physical shielding) and baton/pole things they had. Wow.. And you know what, just like in any situation where the cops bring in force, or put on some show of force (like a lion in the wild), there is always someone (or a lot of someones) to challenge that authority. Whether directly, or just by being good little touble-makers and crashing into windows of businesses and looting. Geesh.. I wish someone would told me.. They apparently looted the Radio Shack.. (if only I would have known, I need a new laptop!). Anyway.. That's where I cut this off..

Today is Friday September the 3rd, 1999. OK..It looks like I will be updating this on a monthly basis. As of now, I have fully annoyed my friends with my Blair Witch obsession. The shining star of my collection of stuff is an autographed 8x10 of Heather that I won on Amazon.com Auctions. WOOHOO. At the end of this month the lease runs up where I live. So if anyone reading this lives in Seattle and knows somewhere I can live, by all means EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW! I can probably afford up to $500-600 a month. But I hope to find something cheaper than that. I still work full time (in my favor for an apartment search), but I have bad credit (need I say more), and a 4 month old kitten (another thing that will make my search harder). Anyway.. Not much else to report. I still miss Toryn in Dallas. And Mikey (the boy here who I was going out with) let me go a while back, in case I didn't mention that. I wish he hadn't, I really like him. I have nobody else that I am interested in here that I have met. Most of my friends I have here from SF, (Kalaban, Ivane, Derrick, off the top of my head), are planning on leaving Seattle soon. So, maybe this will be good for me. I will be forced to start socializing more with the locals. I have a few good friends I have met here. And a few that I thought would end up being good friends who have turned out to be jerks. And a few cute guys who are good (for lack of a more tenuious word) "buddies". That's all from me on the Northwestern Front! Keep those emails coming!! I will respond to all of them!

Today is Tuesday August 3rd. OK shoot me. I have no concept of keeping up with my rantage. I work all night answering email for Amazon.com and I find little joy in typing more on this page. Although I do seem to find a lot of time to go galavanting about the net looking up info on "The Blair Witch Project". I know you have all been beseiged by way too much hype surrounding the movie, but I have been an avid fan for a while. Way before it was popular. In fact, I got a bootleg VHS copy of it 2 weeks before the prerelease. IF you hav not seen the film PLEASE DO SO!! It desearves to pass Star Wars, and better yet, it deserves to sweep the Oscars. It won't get a single nomination, but what the hell.

Today is Monday May 8th... Again much time has passed. I am still in Seattle. It seems I will be living here for a while. I have a good job(s). A place to live. Food. Cash. Prizes. And a boy who likes me (well, several actually). Things are doing good.. Aside from the fact that I work 6 days a week (It has been 7 for a while). I feel so unpunk having so much corporate involvement now, but what can you do. I still live like a pig, and get drunk enough to be considered anti-society. For those of you who donk know, I now work for world-famous AMAZON.COM in glorious downtown Seattle. I do Customer Service there which consists of answering vast ammounts of customer email and taking phone calls from all over this beautiful world of ours. I get stock options and full benifits, so it is worth it. On the weekend I work at the Seattle Eagle. I was a bar back there for a few months. Now I work the door checking ID's and bouncing people that shouldn't be in there. So.. I don't know what else to tell you. After July 1st, any of you that want to come to Seattle and visit me can stay at my pad. Make sure you send me email. Actually.. Everyone that wants more updating of my life then I tend to keep up with on here should email me and make me remember that there are those who read this thing and want to know what the fuck is up with me.. Anyway.. I'm at work and I gotta run.. I will try to keep this updated more often, but hey.. I've been saying that for like 3 years now.. EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO RADIOHEAD'S OK COMPUTER NOW.. I have been obsessed with that album for months now.. I LOVE IT! I listen to it everyday.

Today is Monday February 15th... I am amazed that I am actually going to make like two rant entries within a few weeks of eachother.. WOW!!! I'm surprised.. Well.. here goes.. I'm in Seattle. I live with a few friends out here.. And on my first night here I went to the Eagle and then to the Cuff and then to the Cadillac Grille where me and my friend Derrick got kicked out by the manager of the place... It was fun.. we were drunk. I talked to the manager of the Eagle who took down my # and said he will call me this weeka bout working there.. I think they need me.. There was like noone in there at 1am on a Saturday.. I think maybe I could help business.. I'm not really sure how.. but maybe a change of music and such.. Anyway.. I'm in Seattle and I'm hoping to lure my boyfriend up here... I talked to him last night for Valentines day and he sounded a little less resistant to moving up here than he did the last time I talked to him.. I fessed up and told him that half of me moving up here was to start wining enough to get him up here and out of Dallas, cuz I love him and want us to live together.. Anyway.. .That's the news from me.... Love y'all!!

Today is Friday January 29th... I know I have been lagging at writing this stupid rant, but, oh well.. If you know me personally you know what is up with me anyway... I'm back in SF area since the 19th of December after spending a few months in Dallas Texas with my boyfriend Toryn whom I love very much.. I regret leaving Dallas, but he wants to stay there.. I plan on leaving SF area in the next week or so to move up to Seattle with friends I know from IRC. I will probably be up there for a while.. I plan on finding a place of my own up there, and hopefully enticing my boyfriend out of Dallas to start living with me up there.. I miss him terribly and SF isn't doing much for me and Seattle is the only other city that I feel comfortable living in. If Seattle irks me too, I'm not sure where or what I'm going to do.. All I know is that I want to make my boyfriend part of my life and I think Seattle would be a good place for us to settle down together in... If you see this Miquela, I haven't called you to let you know I'm coming up there cuz I want to surprise you.. And if you read this on here it will be a surprise... Well.. that's all for now.. I will try to keep my promise to all of you and keep up my rant, and redesign my website..!! Love you all!!

Today is Saturday Sept. 5th, 1998... Wow, guess it's been another long time since I have written anything on this page.. I have recently been making a lot of big decisions. One big one is the fact that I am moving to Dallas TX in the next week.. I met and fell in love with a beautiful boy named Toryn and am going to be staying in Texas to be around him and enjoy a well deserved and needed respit from San Francisco.. Unlike most people who flee the rest of the country to SF and think I'm crazy. I grew up near SF and periodically flee to other parts of the country and globe.. That seems to be the biggest news..
In other news, I have become a DJ at the Hole in the Wall.. I really enjoy it. In fact I love it.. And people seem to like most of what I play. I did have to put in for a leave of absence due to my leaving for Dallas. So this Sunday (tomorrow) will be my last day. I have made tapes to sell and will continue to make them in Texas as soon as I get a mixer. If you are interested in buying one of my Themed Rock Mixes (like the "Let Jesus Fuck U" or "Satan Gave Me A Taco" or "Let's Talk About Whores") send me an EMAIL for more info and prices.. I don't have long so I will wish you all well. I will be spending more time on the net/web while I am in Texas, and if you are one of my friends in SF you will be getting more email while I am out of town.. I will probably be in Dallas for up to six months or so, maybe less..
Anyways.. I'm gonna git goin, and leave you all with a promise of a truly reworked rewritten redesigned "J'Tao in Cyberspace" in the coming weeks. With regularly updated Rants, unlike currently.....Talk Soon.

Today is Thursday Jan. 8th, 1998... Life Of Brian: Well life is a tremendous thing, n'est-ce pas. Things are not as they seem. EVER!!! Time, Space, Movement. All are in constant danger of being distorted by the feeble human mind. But what is this mind really???... A seperate thing from everything else?? A soul clinging to a physical, corporial, body?? Ugly, thinking bags of mostly water?? An antenna, receiving messages from the whole network of thought and mistakenly interpeting that as a self, an I?? Or is it none of all of these?? This question has been the basis of all philosophy, religion, science, politics, entertainment and just about everyday life for each of us... I posit that the mind is a tape recorder. This is my point of view. To me, enlightenment is when the I ceases to exist as a centre. To me, the I is the same as you, we, they, and what have you, because my mind exists as a result of the obvious fact that it is being fed other peoples thoughts through linguistic, seperative, pseudo-communication. I would also posit that the self as an I, a centre seperate from the whole, is merely an illusion, a mythical story postulated by the whole of mankind. To me the human mind is a network, similar to the internet of computers, a so-called World Wide Web Of Thought.. When we attain what some would call enlightenment. The self would seem to cease to be the centre of existence. I wouldn't put any static, practical, definition on what happens then, but I metaphorically use the number 3. 3 shows up in life just as much, if not more than, 2. But most of us, because of language or whatever, have based our view of the world on 2. Ying and Yang, black and white, good and bad, right and wrong. They are all balanced by something, the invisible third, 3. 3? The bridge. The part that sees through both 1 and 2 to see the conflict between them and is not part of either because it is all. This operation is, to me, intellegence. You are the world!! In your head, if you "kill your 'self'", is the whole of mankind. There is no you apart from the whole conscienceness of man. That is a tremendous thing. And when you see it, really see and feel that fact, that you, yourself, are the whole of man echoed, so to speak. Then your small pointed view of my hurt, my sorrow, my happiness, drops away to see everything in the world as you, and the whole... In essence, you can finally begin to really surf the net. While most of us are stuck reading our homepage over and over and over and over.. No wonder so many are bored with life.. You can surf the net and read the whole of mankind (term of speech, women of included, no superiority is implied), or sit at your terminal, reading your homepage day after day.. Join the Great Link. But see also that the Great Link is still life as all know it. Clarity in you will echo throughout the whole of man, changing the world mind forever. To me this is an obvious way to see the world.. But remember this is only this computers point of view. Thuth is a pathless land. But if I say that, is intending to not have a path a path in itself?? Or because all of this is thought, is it all still part of the illusion of self decieving itself that it doesn't exist, when it doesn't in the first place?? A dog gnawing a dry bone, which makes his gums bleed, creating the illusion that he is getting blood from it?? Find out for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't listen to me except to use it to clarify your own personal/impersonal perception of NOW!!!! I am the world. We are the world. The hurt the world (i.e. deforestation) we hurt ourselves. Kill a tree you kill me. I am a murderer. I am a saint. I am the president. I am God. I am the world...

Today is Saturday Dec. 13th, 1997... Well Life is a tremendous thing, n'est-ce pas?? Things are not as they seem. EVER!!! Time. Space. Movement. They are always in danger of being distorted by the feeble human mind. Clarity of perception is our only saviour in the battle against decieving ourselves. "What Is" must be seen really, actually, and not be thrown into the shadow of what we want, the "What Should Be". And that clarity of perception cannot come into being without understanding the very nature of time.. The past and the future ARE illusions, falsities!! They DO NOT exist. This is a fact, beyond any debate. Can you touch the past or future. Can you ever say I live in the future? No.. We live in the present, the "NOW", perpetually. If you live your life with this feeble division of time, your present is derived from the past, and your future is derived from the present. But if your present is derived from the past that means, therefore, that your future IS your past.. And you will go NOWHERE!! Change, action, and clarity MUST happen in the present; in the "NOW". If you say "I will change in the future", you are deluding yourself.
NOW is the only thing that exists! "in the present is the whole of time" -J. Krishnamurti
If you can see this reality, you have realized a great thing. But you must see this and feel it and live it to truly understand it. "BE HERE NOW". Also in bringing about clarity, is freedom.. The true sense of freedom. Freedom is not being free FROM something. Freedom is a state of not being held or influenced by anything. Freedom of the mind from itself is an integral part of this clarity. The mind is a bastard child in time and space. The mind exists in the feild of knowledge, thought, which exist in the dimension of the PAST. The past is an illusion. Thought can never be free at the most fundamental level. See this. Freedom is not bound. Thought and knowledge are bound by the past. Reality and perception are in the NOW/present. Thought is a bastard of time.
"Free your mind, and the rest will follow" -En Vogue.
For more on the subject of LIFE, see Krishnamurti
To be continued...(obviously)

Today is Wednesday Nov. 12th, 1997.. Well if you happened to log on two days in a row you would have realized that there is still more being added to this everchanging site.. There is now even more to boggle over.. Like in the Krishnamurti page, there is real audio of some of his lectures, many over an hour long each, in streaming audio!! The music page has started but is not totally there yet (i.e. no music) but that will change soon.. I will be updating this thing as often as I can... And responding to emails as quick as possible (jtao@Mindless.com).. So please email me!!! Talk to you soon....

Today is Tuesday Nov. 11th, 1997.. OH MY GOD!!!! What the hell is up with this??? I have actually made significant changes to this thing I call my website!!! It even starts to talk of my spirituality, (scary as that may be). I dunno.. Looks like I may actually get somewhere in cyberspace.. Let's see where it goes.. And.. HEY!!! YOU!!!.. Explore some of the changes.. Let me know what you think.. I have my email address all over it, so drop me a line to say HEY!!, I noticed all your hard work.. For those of you lucky ones who are seeing this site for the first time, I just today finally after it being here for more than six months, made my webpage user friendly.. But after all that work, I have no energy left to write a decent rant! I promise the next one will be better! Love ya!

Today is Thurs. Oct. 30th, 1997.. Hey everyone... Sorry I haven't been keeping this damn website updated.. Even though the anly real thing I've been keeping semi-updated is this damn rant thing. And I've decided to now let the old rants build up under the newer one so that people will not think that I have nothing to say if I don't write that much on an update and don't update that for a while.. Well what have I been up to since last time.. Well let me take a second to re-read the last entry........(looking at Sept 5th entry)........ Wow.. Lot's of stuff.. That was longer ago than I realized. Ok well, Dan came out here for like a week.. We hung out at the Hole in the Wall, and shared a few moments, but I was kinda not in the Folsom street fair mood that weekend so I didn't go out and see him and others as much as I would have liked to.. But I did have a great weekend.. The night before the fair, I wend to go see a band that I discovered at a big funk show at the Maritime Hall (concert place). The band is called "Weapon of Choice" and they played at the transmission theatre on 11th. It was cool.. Odd crowd and too many opening bands (which lots of people came to see, and left when their band was done), but the people who made it to the 1:45 stage time that sucked, "Weapon of Choice" rocked.. They are this kinda funky, trancey, rappy, hip-hoppy, groovy, nutty, punky, hard, soft, psychedelic, trippy, hippy, happy, sappy, jazzy, skanky, kind of band.. BE SURE AND CHECK THEM OUT "LIVE!!!!" (Meaning IN CONCERT.. They create one of the most intensly trippy, happy, goofy, energies that sweep up the whole audience and make them get up and dance... Anyone that know me knows that I don't go to cheesy clubs to dance for several reasons; one of the biggest is the music.. I can't get into overly electronic music.. Lot's of my friends agree with me, but still enough of my good friends that I admire their taste in music, still like that stuff too and are always trying to sway me.. Sorry Charlie.. No cheesy house/techno song can create that energy that is radiated from a good band of musicians playing good music and putting the whole of their being into it, All of them harmonizing on a beat.. Playing off of eachother, you can really feel it.. And it takes the audience (if they are in tune with themselves enough to feel it), to a new level, Weapon of Choice calls "Highperspice".. There is this alternate dimension that the music takes you to, (especially their music). Weapon of Choiceis not very well known... YET! They have that spark, that will hopefully make them a little more known.. They have altered my perception of music.. Although the CD's don't capture that LIVE SHOW energy that they have in abundance, They are pretty cool.. Enough about them (I just am gaga over my experiences at their shows), ok.. What else have I been up to.. Well, I went to that Commitments show, It was cool.. It was at the Last Day Saloon on Clement at 5th, which is a little out of the way for a Concert venue in San Francisco, and the crowd at the show was a little more straight laced than I expected, but, like most shows, was suprisingly good.. It turns out there are only three people from the movie (when I saw it, there are more and they are always changing), Joey the Lips Fagan, Derek "meatman" Scully, and the first drummer guy.. It was kool.. Would have been better if the singer from the movie was there.. He was one of the best things about the Commitments.. Great voice, and someone said that he was only like 16 or 17 when they made it.. I remember seeing a record with him at the Virgin Megastore in Paris, so I'm pretty sure he got a recording contract out of it.. Haven't been on IRC too much lately, but I am saying HI right now to all the KOOL people that I have met on there.. Too many to mention, but you know who you are.. Like that guy in Georgia, and that kool guy in Detroit area, and all my local #gaysf chatters, (well some of them).. I plan on being on soon (maybe now for a couple of minutes) and shouting HI personally, and maybe meeting some new people.. I geuss that's all from me for right now.. NOT, forgot to let you know about more current things.. Like Halloween is tomorrow and I don't know if I even want to celebrate it, I didn't last year, I don't see the point.. (not like it sounds).. I do like seeing all the cool costumes though, but Halloween can be kinda scary in SF in the realm of violent, boligerant people.. Anyone who's been to Halloween in the castro in the past can verify all the knifes and bottle throwing and stupidity that can go on in this normally mellow town.. Last year I didn't go out at all.. And I still had a good evening.. Don't know of any bad times in the last month or so.. I think I need to spend some time out of San Francisco again.. I travel alot, and like to see this beautiful planet that we live in.. (think Rainbow Family).. Maybe there is a regional going on soon?? I'll check.. for those of you who don't know the Rainbow Family click on the name to learn about it.. Great for the WHOLE of US.. Anything else???? well.... uh... I dunno if I can think of anything else.. I may be getting another web-page soon.. On an unrestricted server.. We'll see if that happens.. It would b kool... must go on a respit to the country soon.. I may fly out to Boston on 11/11 or so.. But it's still a city trip.. But travel none the less.. ANYWAY!!! I think that this Rant is getting a little out of hand size wise, so I will close for now.. But catch me at the Hole in the Wall for more fun, games, antics and serial killer trivia :) COMPUTER : END PROGRAM

Today is Sept. 5th, 1997.. I am planning a trip to the east coast soon.. I will be there for a little while..Don't know exactly how long.. I got a hold of a friend of mine named Dan who left San Fran last year and lives in Madison WI.. He happened to be on IRC.. Who knew.. Didn't know that he could use a computer.. Don't know what else is going on.. Going to see the Commitments on saturday.. They were in that movie the Commitments.. (duh).. Saw Zen Gorilla on Sunday last.. Saw Mr. T Experience Friday last.. (yawn).. whatever.. Will talk soon..
J'Tao

RETURN TO HOMEPAGE

© 1997 gbslz@hotmail.com

Get your own Free Home Page