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Hot-Line Humor

By Bussell

Here are some for real questions we've gotten over the years at my job--an answer-all-kinds-of-questions phone service at the University of Kansas, known as KUInfo. Questions range from the academic to the obscure. We generally try to answer everything, but sometimes--well, you'll see ...

"When's the midnight movie?"

"Information Center"
"Do I have to drop a class that I have been disenrolled in?"

"Is the computer center open today?"
"Yes, all day."
"So it's open 24 hours?"
"Yes, all day."
"So, when does it close?"

"Can you tell me what the homework assignment is in the class I missed today?"

"Hello. Could you give me the phone number of my instructor? His last name is STAFF."

"Information Center."
"Who is Frederich (and then spelling slowly) N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E?"
"Oh, you mean Nietzche, the famous German philosopher."
"So he's just a philosopher then?"
"Well, I wouldn't say just ... I mean he's fairly important in Western thought"
"So if I used his name in a paper the professor would know who I'm talking about?"
"Yes," and thinking, "I certainly hope so."

"KU info"
(Voice sounds like he's exploring alternate minds states.)
"Yeah, like, can you tell me how many electrons are in the light coming from the Statue of Liberty?"
"Come on man, I really need to know."
So I sent him to a professor in Physics and Astronomy. Later the same caller called back:
"Wow, he was great! He told me everything."

"What state does Calvin and Hobbes take place in?"
"A comic state."
"Okay, thanks."
"No, wait....."

"Information Center"
"I was wondering what I had for dinner."

"Do all wine commercials have to be accompanied by classical music? I mean, is it a law, or is it just a convention?"

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