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School Bloopers

There are several collections on this page, so be sure to scroll down to check them all out.
The following are questions and answers from the pupils of Brentwood County High School. They reveal a wide variety of common errors from the funny guess to the complete misunderstanding of the subject.

Q: Name a pollutant and its source:
A: Weels from a motorway.

Q: Is crude oil pure or a mixture?
A: Pure, because its on its own.
A: Pure, because it is nateral.

Q: Why will this nail rust?
A: If air get to a nail it will go rusty because air is really water.
A: If drying agent fell from the sky it would crush your car, not rust it!!!!

Q: What is meant by "endangered species"?
A: It is soon to be killed off.
A: It means that it is dangerous.

Q: When the [cooling] experiment was repeated with thicker glass flasks, cooling took longer. Why?
A: Because the heat had to conduct itself through a much thicker distance, which took a lot longer.

Q: Where do you find the colours of a spectrum?
A: In a Rambow.

Q: [On digestion] What is the reaction between acids and antacids called?
A: Relief

Q: Why does it take longer to cook a potato on top of a mountain?
A: Because the potato is at least 1000 feet above the ground.
A: It takes longer because of convection. It has to rise all the way up, and this takes some time.

Q: What is the unit of resistance?
A: Homes (H).

Q: The journey from Preston to Carlisle to Preston always takes longer than the journey from Preston to Carlisle. Suggest why this is so.
A: The train driver would be tired.

Q: Explain the conservation of momentum, and how it applies to a space rocket.
A: The conservation of momentum means the conservation of force at which the rocket is propelled into the atmosphere. This is important to consider when considering rocket propulsion and collision (!) as too much momentum could result quite seriously.

Q: [On crude oil] What non-energy uses are there for oil?
A: Cooking.

Q: Describe the function of the cell membrane.
A: It keeps the cell warm.

Q: How is eye colour etc. passed on to the next generation?
A: The jeans (not Levis).

Q: Describe how the egg cell is specialised.
A: The egg is round so it is easier to get down the tube, because if it was square there would be a problem.

Q: What should medical workers wear when dealing with accidents involving large amounts of blood?
A: The should wear gloves and a suit.

Q: A car is able to move, and can perform 3 life processes. What are they?
A: Speak (hooter).
A: Reproduce.
A: Gets old.
A: Turn.

Q: There are three life processes that a car cannot carry out, so it cannot be a living thing. Which processes does a car not carry out?
A: Wink
A: Sleep.
A: Jump in the air.

Q: [On periscopes] How do the two mirrors make it work?
A: The objects goes into the top mirror. It then gets reflected into the second one
A: Your eyes hit the mirror.

Q: [On a valley flooded by a dam] Give two problems that the rabbits might have after they have moved.
A: They might not be able to get a good water supply, or an open space for them to play.

Q: Describe changes in the weather which could lead to a decrease in evaporation from oceans.
A: There could be a drought, so there wouldn't be any water in the oceans to evaporate.

Q: What liquid goes round the body?
A: Liquid nitrogen.
A: Sodium hydrogen carbonate.

Q: Why can camels walk on sand better than horses?
A: Because camels have flat, webbed feet.

[An answer given by a year 11 top set pupil in a mock-GCSE question on radiation]
The grill radiates food by heating and killing off or decaying the molecules in the food.

Q: From a given list of ingredients [for a fizzy drink], give an example of ingredients that are normally solid, liquid and gas.
A: Solid - Cheese; Liquid - Milk; Gas - Air.

Q: What is one horsepower?
A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

A virgin forest is a place where the hand of man has never set foot.
Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead.
I expected to enjoy the fillm, but that was before I saw it.
Arabs wear turbines on their heads.
When there are no fresh vegetables, you can always get canned.
It is bad manners to break your bread and roll in your soup.
The problem with intersexual swimming is that the boys often outstrip the girls.
Running is a unique experience, and I thank God for exposing me to the track team.
The dog ran across the lawn, emitting whelps all the way.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.
The bowels are a, e i, o, u, and sometimes w and y.
The death of Francis Macomber was a turning point in his life.
The Gorgons had long snakes in their hair. They looked like women, only more horrible.
Zanzibar is noted for its monkeys. The British governor lives there.

From "Anguished English" by Richard Lederer.

A student in a science class wrote, "The universe is a giant orgasm". At the end of the student's essay, the teacher riposted, "Your answer gives new meaning to the Big Bang Theory."
All animals were here before mankind. The animals lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels, and condoms.
Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns Institute in France.
Men are mammals and women are femammals.
Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.
Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Rainy- - - the afterbirth that lived...
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

Speling selectuns frum studnt pappers
(high school or college graduate)

The Indians live very froogley.
My mother comes from Pencil vanea.
My home life is all mestup.
My admiration for you can be taken for granite.
This is the first perigraff I have written on this subject, surprizing le enought.
The stewdress served cocktails.
He was a member of the notor republic.
I am feeling very angches about the outcome of the exam.
We don't care enough about nateral fenominum.
That's the way it supostube.
Whorship in the modern Church.
Although our societies are formed by man, he isn't able to flunksuate with it's pace.
As a catholic priest one spends most of his time teaching, praying,
giving sermons, and absorbing sins given out by daily confessors.
The West's women's doubles team brought the team back from a four-game deficate.

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions; most were from fifth-and sixth-graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the "most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."

A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.
A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live other places.
It was so hot during football practice that a lot of kids keeled over from nervous prostitution. Rusty Banazek broke his clavichord in scrimmage.
Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to be oil.
Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.
One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
Taken from a 6th-grade science report: "People with diabetes must take insulin everyday with a needle. Some people need multiple erections everyday for diabetes. Most people with diabetes learn to give themselves erections."
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
The body consists of three parts--the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five--a, e, i, o, and u.
The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
The future of "I give" is "I take."
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosqitoes.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
The parts of speech are lungs and air.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
This paper needs a few comas.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium.
To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
We sat down to a picnic dinner of fricken chicasee.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
When papa passed away they burned his ashes and brought them home in a urinal.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
You shake milk in a big stirrer machine to make it homicidal.


Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

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