"Family Values." The term is tossed around like a volleyball by the religious and the conservatives. The term has no meaning. Who's values are they talking about? Which family structure are they referencing: the family of the 1800's, the family of the 1900's, the family structure from the first century; all of these structures were different. The extended family was the norm for centuries long before the concept of "nuclear family" ever existed. And this extended family had a role for gay family members.

     Of course it takes a man and a woman to create a child...but biology was never the important ingredient in a family. The core of a family structure, at least until the religious redefined it, was love, commitment, responsibility, loyalty, etc. And if all of these broken families filled with step-parents and adoptive parents and foster homes can teach us anything, it is that a "parent" is not a genetic donor, but our "father" and our "mother" are the people who reared us.

     So, what would happen if gays were allowed to marry? The collapse of the "nuclear family"? Will everyone be so envious of gay couples that they will suddenly change their orientation and seek to become part of a gay union? Will heterosexual couples vanish? Phffft...hardly. We've already gone over time and time and time again how orientation cannot be changed.

     But what about children, if gays marry they will be rearing children. News flash: we already are. Just because we are gay does not mean we are sterile. Gays have been successfully rearing children (both gay and straight) for quite some time now. How do you think their children feel when they see their society stripping their parents of their rights?

     And don't even talk to me about how we have no respect for heterosexual weddings...I had the honor of giving my sister away at her wedding. And I was one of the first people in the waiting room when she had her first child. People who would demonize me and say that my freedom is a threat to "family values" infuriate me. They have obviously not seen me and my partner of 11 years celebrating Christmas with our families.

     So how is gay marriage and protection from job discrimination good for the family? Well, to start with, gay teens will see that they are welcome members of their society and maybe they wouldn't be killing themselves out of desperation all the time. Perhaps you would be welcomed into the lives of your gay family, finally removing that rift which has been tearing families apart ever since this notion of "nuclear family" was created less than a century ago. Then, when your children come to you and tell you that they are gay, you will have a family member to talk with about the situation, and you won't have to worry that your child's future will be an uphill battle for the rest of his life.

     And, believe it or not, gays couples have a lot they can teach straight couples. Since nothing we can do will allow us to be accepted anyway, we have been experimenting with different arrangements. We have something right, because once a gay couple have decided to commit their lives to each other, they usually do it. We might date around a lot before we find the "right person," but you won't see the equivalent of being married 3 or 4 times often in the gay community.

     "At least one in every four families has a gay member. They are not 'them.' They are us." - Bruce Hilton. Can Homophobia Be Cured? Wrestling with Questions that Challenge the Church. 1992. p. 56.