A writer lives and breathes every word and line he/she writes. We actually treat our stories like children. While it is true that writers love to write, editors love to cut. It is difficult to cut out those wonderfully descriptive words and phrases that make our stories come alive in our eyes. The awful truth is, if we don't prune out the superfluous, an editor's red pencil will slash our works to bits. I would much rather delicately weed out those extra words myself. An editor will attack our stories with a very heavy hand because that is his job. He only has so much space to allot, and he cannot afford to waste any of it.
This section of The Help File will help you decide what can "go" and what you "can't possibly live without"
I have indicated the 'weedy words and phrases' in bold script. Delete the text in boldface to strengthen the statements.
Weak Modifiers
Many beginning writers use adjectives and adverbs (modifiers) in the mistaken belief that it will give their statements more impact. Instead of intensifying the meaning, the weak modifier collapses like a burst balloon, and the phrase collapses with it.
She brushed her hair very vigorously. When she was finished, her hair shone like a really bright copper penny.
Here is a paragraph that will make an editor shudder!
Now Jenny was always seeming to be underfoot. Her mother would almost seem to trip over her whenever she turned around. Even when Jenny was sent out of the room, curiosity would set in and draw her back. Her mother very shortly realized that her very young daughter only wanted to learn how to cook. The result that followed was Jenny was given her very own bowl and spoon, leaving her mother to bake in peace.
Here is a list of words that are rarely missed if you cut them out:
| even | certainly | very |
| just | at all | so |
| really | exactly | anyway |
| such | definitely | some |
Weak Beginnings
Sentences that start with unnecessary words are off to a weak start. To make a stronger impression, say directly what you have to say. For example:
There were a lot of marbles in Matt's bag, but he wanted to win more.
Matt had lots of marbles in his bag but he wanted to win more.
There are clouds in the sky, casting strange shadows on the ground.
Clouds cast strange shadows on the ground.
Hedging Words
Hedging words are used to tone down a statement, and should be used only with great caution. They tend to give the impression that the writer is reluctant to let the statement stand on its own. Don't turn your dramatic statements into bland and ordinary sentences, or create wishy-washy comparisons.
The winter sun hung quite low on the horizon, radiating a somewhat feeble light. Shadows sort of crept along the landscape creating a kind of jigsaw pattern on the snow.
| a little | quite | rather |
| usually | probably | perhaps |
| sort of | maybe | fairly |
| kind of | somewhat | almost |
| slightly | look | seem |
Sequence and Time Words
It is sometimes important for the reader to know exactly when an event is happening: 1967, at seven o'clock yesterday morning, February 14. The focus of the story is on what is happening.
Establish a time reference near the beginning of the article and story.
Vague references to the sequence of events or to time passing are often not necessary and should be eliminated. Readers will assume that events progress in a logical and chronological order, unless told otherwise.
Jessica was going to plant a tree in her yard. She first gathered all of her tools. Then she marked out the area where she would dig the hole. The dirt was packed hard, but she finally had the hole dug deep and wide enough. Next, she sprinkled some fertilizer and peat moss in the bottom of the hole. Jessica filled the hole with water, and let it soak in for a while before she finally placed the tree gently into the hole. After filling the hole up with dirt and compacting it, she finally finished by giving the new planting another bucket of water.
Another frequent error is the use of phrases such as: began to, proceeded to, and started to. In most cases, they add nothing to the sentence, and should be eliminated.
Jerry raced over to the apple tree and began to climb to the top.
Jerry raced over to the apple tree and climbed to the top.
When the car was dry, Dad proceeded to wax it with a chamois
When the car was dry, Dad waxed it with a chamois.
Dialogue
Have you ever listened to two people talking, not just what they are saying, but how they are speaking? Normal speech is full of stops, starts, pauses, and the inevitable ers, hums, ehs, and buts.
If a writer were to write exactly as most people speak, he would end up with pages and pages of dialogue so boring no one would want to read them. Instead, the writer must use realism, a tool which creates the illusion of reality. A good writer can give the reader a sense of his character's personality without resorting to the boring repetitions found in real speech.
"Hey, Mark! Come and give me a hand with the groceries."
"Can't!" I hollered, settling down into my favorite chair. "The ball game just started." I hated it when she interrupted the ball game.
"But some of the bags are really heavy!"
"Can't it wait for a commercial?" I yelled as the pitcher wound up to throw the first pitch.
"Please, Mark. There's milk in one, it will spoil."
"Hold your horses," I grumbled, forcing my eyes away from the screen. "I'm coming, dear."
Flowery Prose or Overwriting
Writers love words, the more unusual, or different, the better. For some of us, simply calling a tree a tree is too mundane. We relish exercising our imaginations, and at times create paragraphs so full of description, that we leave our readers reeling from sensory overload. In some cases, the reader is literally assaulted by so much description that he loses the meaning of the passage.
(1) The rugged, craggy peaks soared towards the heavens, creating a breathtaking backdrop to the lush, verdant highland meadow. Rays of liquid light reflected off snow blanketed spires, as though dancing to a primitive lullaby. I stared hypnotically as nature's fireworks assaulted my retinas with the colors of an otherworld rainbow.
(2) The snow covered mountains soared over the lush highland meadow. Caught by the beauty of the sun reflecting off the peaks, I stared as though hypnotized.
To Summarize
The rules given here are not absolute. Modifiers and hedging words are sometimes essential. The key is to use them sparingly, and only when necessary.
There is no hard and fast rule to tell you if or when your story or article is too wordy or overwritten. One solution is to study the works of first-class writers, and examine their efforts for words or phrases that are not pulling their weight.
Another good idea is to read your story or article out loud. It is surprising how often unruly sentences, excessive words orphrases that just don't sound right, show up when you read the words aloud.
Before writing your final draft, go over it with a fine tooth coomb with an eye to paring it down. Editors are actively seeking works that are direct, clear and simple.
