Today is your twentieth birthday, and like you said before, yes, it is time to confess. Time to tell the truth. You had also said that you wanted to come into your twenties clean and worry-free. Today's the day, the time has come.

The time is now.

And so you sat in class, fidgeting, waiting for him to sit next to you, which he does with amazing grace as he always does, laying his red backpack on the floor. You smile at him and he sunnily smiles back and asks you how your day has gone so far.

"Fine," you say. "How about you?"

"Mine's been really great," he tells you, beaming. "Oh yeah, it's your birthday! Happy birthday!"

You blush a little and say, "Thanks. How did you know?"

"A little bird told me," he tells you, grinning. "I can see you're really happy today, which makes two of us."

You nod. Of course you are. He just remembered your birthday...which you never expected he would even know about. That is something that could really make your day, maybe even your year if everything else goes right.

And he isn't even cute, you think as you smile at him, but you like him just the same. No, it's not just like...it's something much more than that.

Then you remember...this is probably the time to tell him. You throw all your fears away and decide to take the plunge, telling yourself that it's now or never. You take in a deep breath, mustering up all your courage and begin to say softly, "You know what..."

"You know why I'm really happy today?" he continues cheerily, probably not hearing you. "The love of my life has said that she'd love to be my girlfriend! Isn't that great?"

You take in a deep breath and force a smile on your lips, though your eyes have already started to water. "Really?"

"It was so...oh, I don't know...it's this really great big happy feeling in me, you know..." He shrugs. "It's just plain fantastic." He smiles again... He's doing a lot of that today. "Hey, thanks for listening to me jabbering away. You've been such a great seatmate and a good friend, too. I really do wish you all the best for your birthday."

He is so sincere, sitting there and smiling at you. Something inside you bleeds and dies.

You can only nod and put on a strained smile, afraid that your voice might give away the lump in your throat. You blink back what could be the beginning of tears in your eyes. Yet you continue to smile. You struggle to say something. "Thanks," you manage weakly. "Um, I have to go out," you say, standing up and gathering your things.

"Where are you going?" he asks. "Class hasn't even started yet."

You shake your head, searching for some excuse no matter how lame. "I just remembered that I have to meet someone." You purse your lips, thinking of something more to say. "I have to go. I'll just see you next week."

"Sure," he says, looking a little confused and sounding a little unsure. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine," you say, knowing that it is a lie. "I have to go now."

"Okay then," he says, looking worried. "Just tell me if you need notes, okay? I'll be happy to lend them to you."

You just nod and leave the room just as the professor comes through the door. You almost knock her down in your hurry.

But you don't look back because you don't care.

cat story