Do You Take Visa?
by
Erik Oosterwal
I have an apology to make to all of you, I'm afraid I didn't have a chance
to write much of a story. Actually I did start writing one over the weekend,
but you know how it goes when you try to write a story, you start to work
it out in your head several days before, thinking about the various subjects,
what kinds of titles are available and such... In fact I DID have a title,
I called the story "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Funeral". At
this point I had all kinds of options for the subject material: A Hearse
with mechanical problems or maybe the way the person died had a humorous
twist or maybe I could write about what happened after the funeral between
the surviving relatives and friends. But none of this made any difference
since I ran out of time to put my thoughts down on paper. So I decided to
put off the writing until Tuesday. I had some other errands I had to run
on Tuesday, so I took the whole day off and figured I could run my errands
in the morning and finish the story in the afternoon.
I only had three things to take care of in the morning: I had an
appointment with the doctor for a checkup, the car needed servicing, and
I had to run over to the Secretary of State's office to get new tags for
my license plate. Not a problem.
The car needed to have a front end alignment done and I had called it in
about a week ago. They told me that their 'alignment guy' wouldn't be in
until this week and the soonest they could schedule me was Tuesday. The shop
opened up at 7:30 so I had the car there at 7:20 to make sure I was the first
one in. At around 7:50 they got the car in and started working on it.
I figured that should give them plenty of time to finish the job
before my Dr.’s appointment at 10:30. At 8:45 the mechanic told
me that the car had been out of alignment for too long and the tie rod ends
would have to be replaced. I said "No problem. That car's a year
and a half old, it should be covered under warranty." At 10:20 the
car was still up on the lift, and I had 10 minutes to get to the Doctor.
So I called the Doctor’s office and told them I would not be
able to get there on time and asked if I could reschedule for the afternoon?
"Sure! Come in at 1:00, we'll put you down for the first appointment
in the afternoon", they said. Just after 11:00 the car was finally
finished. I went to take care of the bill, and the receptionist asked
me for $314.77 "What!?!?!?" I exclaimed. "300 bucks for
an alignment?" I looked over the bill and discovered that they added
the cost of the tie rods, and 4 hours of labor. I went back to the mechanic
to try and explain that the tie rods should be covered under warranty, and
asked him why I was charged for 4 hours of labor instead of 3 hours and 30
minutes. As it turns out, the suspension is covered up to two years
or 24,000 miles, and I had 24,052 miles on the car. Also, they didn't
split hours when figuring times, they rounded up to the nearest full hour.
"Wait a minute" I said. "I called this last week when the car
had less than 24,000 miles, this should be covered under warranty. I don’t
want to pay over $300 just for an alignment! Let me talk to the manager."
"Sorry, the manager just left for lunch with a client, he'll be back
between 12:30 and 1:00." They suggested that I pay for the bill, and
if the problem was resolved, they would issue me credit. "Fine" I said
"Do you take VISA?"
Finally, 4 hours and $300 later I'm on my way to take care of the rest of
the errands, and write my story.
I had an hour and a half before my checkup, so I got some fast food at the
drive through, and went to start working on my story. After my morning's
experience however I couldn't think of anything humorous to write relating
to funerals. Actually the only things that ended up on my paper were
creative ways of getting the mechanic to be the guest of honor at a funeral.
I threw the first 6 drafts into the trash along with half of my fries, and
went to the Doctor.
Just after 1:00 I was in the Doctor’s office, I went to the receptionist,
told her who I was, and I had a seat. I looked around, I was the first
one there so I should be out of here pretty quick. A few minutes later
another person showed up. She said 'Hi' to the receptionist, and they
started making small talk about the kids and school starting and some other
stuff that wasn't very interesting. Then she had a seat. By 1:20
some other people had arrived, they all checked in, and started waiting.
At around 1:30, the receptionist came out and called the lady that
came in just after I did. No problem, she knew the receptionist, I
don’t mind a little nepotism once in a while, I'll just wait a little
longer. Five minutes later, the receptionist came out and called the
next person. At this point, I started wondering why I hadn't been called,
so I went up to the window to ask. "Did you sign in?" asked the
receptsionist. "Well, when I came in, I told you who I was and why
I was here. Yeah, I guess I signed in." "Is your name on the
sign in sheet?" "Sign-in sheet? What sign in sheet?" Sure enough,
there was a sign-in sheet on the counter at the window, and sure enough,
my name wasn't on it. So I signed in at the bottom of the list of ten
people and waited. Time magazine had a real interesting article about
a couple of guys who broke into some hotel in Washington DC, and I guess
Nixon has decided to resign. Anyway, the checkup went OK. I went
to the receptionist to make sure that they would bill the insurance company.
They hadn't dealt with my insurance company before, and told me to
pay the whole bill and send the receipt to the insurance company myself.
"All right. Do you take VISA?"
At this time it was about 2:30, so I figured I better hurry over to the Secretary
of State's office.
At the Secretary of State's office there were two lines. One had about
10 or 15 people in it, the other one had only 5. So I got in the one
that had only five. 20 minutes later the line I was in still had four
people in front of me and all the people the other line were new. So
I moved into the other line. 20 minutes after that I finally got up
to the counter, and told them I needed new tags for my car. They told
me I was in the wrong line, go to the other line. A little after 4:00
I got to the counter at the other line and told them I needed new tags for
my plate. "We need your proof of insurance" the lady informed
me. "Proof of insurance? I know you need this for new plates but I
didn’t remember needing this for renewing. "Hang on just a minute,
I'll go out to the car and get it." Out at the car I start looking
through the glove compartment for my proof of insurance. "Nope that's
the old one. Nope that's the one from before. Nope that's the
one for the other car. Why is that one in here? Nope that's not
it, nope that's not it either. Here we go. A little ketchup stain
on part of it, but that shouldn't matter." Back inside, the line has
grown again, so at 4:30 I finally get back to the counter again, showed the
lady my proof of insurance, and she says "$40 please." "Forty bucks!?!
Why so much?" "Your GMC Jimmy is considered a 'Utility Vehicle'.
Tags for Utility Vehicles are $40." I only had a twenty and some
singles on me so I asked, "Do you take VISA?" "No sir, only cash
or checks." Great, 4:35, I should have just enough time to go down
to an ATM, get another $20 and get back before they close at 5:00. I
hopped in my car, and hurried over to the money center.
I got a twenty, and I was on my way back to the Secretary of State's
office when I heard a siren and saw a red flashing light in my rear view
mirror. I pulled over. The officer walked up behind my window and asked for
my license, registration, and proof of insurance. I gave him my license,
registration, and proof of insurance. He looked them over and asked
me. "Did you know that your registration is expired?" "Yeah, duh!
That's why I'm hurrying to get back to the Secretary of State's office."
The police officer was not amused. He went back to his car, and at 4:52 he
came back with my license, registration, proof of insurance, and a ticket
for $150. "A Hundred and fifty Bucks!?!" I asked him. "$100 for going
55 in a 25, and $50 for letting your registration expire. Have a nice
day!" he said. I asked "Do you take VISA?" I finally got my tags
and returned home.
Once I returned home, the kids needed extra attention, and I had to make
sure that the trash was out by the road and all kinds of other things came
up and before I knew it, it was way after 10:00 and I decided to go to bed.
That's why I don't have a story for you. I really want to make it up
to all of you, but I'm not exactly sure what I can do...
...do you take VISA?
Copyright Erik Oosterwal - 1995 - 2004
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