Things
Learned From KIDS
The Home Physics Laboratory
Frogs can survive the washing machine but don't do well in the dryer. Frog bits will never
come out of dried clothes. Throw them away before they stink up the whole house.
Ditto snakes.
Mascara on cat whiskers makes really cool wavey lines on anything onto which he tries to
rub it off. They do not come off of paint.
Boys can jump off a two story high roof and break nothing but mom will be on tranquilizers
for at least a week.
If you stick a lighter into the sprinkler head in the bathroom, the sprinklers will go off
in the entire loft. It takes 5 minutes to raise the level of water to the point where the
downstairs neighbor is also getting flooded.
Long-haired dogs hate Epilady.
David in Sunnyvale, California VIA – H u m o u
r N e t
Good Deed For the Day
A guy is at the Pearly Gates, hoping to be admitted, and St. Peter says to the guy,
"I can't see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did
anything bad either. I tell you what: if you can tell me one REALLY good deed that you
did, you're in."
So the guy says, "Once I was driving down the road and saw a gang of bikers
assaulting this poor girl. So I pulled over, got out my car, grabbed a tire iron and
walked straight up to the gang's leader -- a huge ugly guy with a studded leather jacket,
bald head but with hair
all over his body, and a chain running from his nose to his ear.
"Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his nose and ear and smashed him over the head
with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled to the rest of
them, 'You leave this poor, innocent lady alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged
animals! GO HOME BEFORE I TEACH YOU ALL A LESSON IN PAIN!'"
Impressed, St. Peter says, "Really? When did this happen?"
"Oh, about two minutes ago."
Code of Ethical Patient
Behavior
1.DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT
Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific
objectivity.
2.BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance
he can get.
3.TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
4.DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your
illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
5.NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms
that you would understand.
6.SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely
be of widespread interest.
7.PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of
physicians and other humanitarians.
8.DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
9.NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE OF TREATMENT
BY YOUR DOCTOR
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect
him from exposure.
10.NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
A guy calls...
A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into
labor!"
The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"
He says, "No! This is her husband!"
KashaL@concentric.net
| Kasha Linka
Which way?!?
A man is doing his first skydive. He jumps from the plane, freefalls for a
bit, then pulls his main rip-cord... nothing happens. After a short panic, he pulls
his reserve rip-cord... again, nothing happens! As he's zooming toward the ground, another
man comes shooting past him TOWARDS THE SKY! The jumper hollers, "Hey! Do you know
anything about rip-cords???"
The other man returns, "NOooooo! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"
KashaL@concentric.net
| Kasha Linka
One cool judgment is worth a thousand hasty councils. The thing is to supply
light and not heat.
A word to the wise ain't necessary – it's the stupid ones that need the
advice.
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of
using it.
Today's Word –
AMENABLE
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