ALL THE REST —  November 11 & 12
  

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Airplane Maintenance Problems and Solutions:

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.
Airplane Maintenance Problems and Solutions

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

 

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Profession:

An elderly couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table, and hid, pretending they're not home. The father's plan was: "If out son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So, the parents waited nervously, hiding in the nearby closet. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it. Then, he grabbed the bottle, opened it and took a whiff, to get assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn! Our son is going to be a politician!"

Gag-O-Mactic Joke Server 2.0  

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One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in the classroom. 

The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. 

The teacher asked a little boy: 
Teacher: Tommy do you see the tree out side? 
Tommy: Yes. 
Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass out side? 
Tommy: Yes. 
Teacher: Go out side and look up and see if you can see the sky. 
Tommy: OK. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky. 
Teacher: Did you see God? 
Tommy: No. 
Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. 

The little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. Teacher agreed and she asked the boy: 
Little Girl: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? 
Tommy: Yes. 
Little girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside? 
Tommy: Yessssss (getting tired of the questions by this time) 
Little girl Did you see the sky? 
Tommy: Yessssss 
Little Girl: Tommy, do you see the teacher? 
Tommy: Yes 
Little Girl Do you see her brain? 
Tommy: No 

Little Girl: 
Does that mean she doesn't have one? 

FROM AdamsCathy@aol.com

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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "Being *so* mischievous, how do you even *expect*
to get into heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For heaven's sake, Jimmy, either come in or stay out!'"

FROM AdamsCathy@aol.com 

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University