Desert Dog Chili

3 pounds ground beef
8 strips bacon
4 cups of dried red beans
2 cups lentils
3 stalks celery, chopped
2 large onions, chopped
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 cup canned nopalitos (cactus pieces), cubed
3 large bell peppers, seeded and chopped
2 ten ounce cans diced tomatoes or Mexican green tomatoes or 3 cups chopped fresh tomatillos (about 10). If using fresh tomatoes or tomatillos, increase beef broth to 3 cups
1 six ounce can tomato paste
1 1/2 cups beef stock or canned beef broth
3 tablespoons salt
1/3 cup fresh coriander or 1 1/2 teaspoons ground coriander
(The leaves of the coriander plant are also called cilantro.)
5 teaspoons crushed cumin seeds or ground cumin
1 tablespoon chili powder; if you’re using Gebhardt’s chili powder, use about half this much. It’s high octane stuff.
1 tablespoon MSG
1 teaspoon liquid smoke
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (just enough to give it a little bite. You can put teeth in it if you want, but consider your poor kids or your girly-man cousin.)

Pick over the beans and lentils. Dried beans occasionally have small rocks or dirt clods that will add nothing to the flavor or texture of the chili. Get them out.
Wash the beans and lentils and soak in water overnight. Bring to a boil and simmer until soft, about 2 hours.
Cook bacon in a skillet or microwave until crisp, drain the grease. Cut into strips about 1/4 inch wide. I have cooked the bacon until it looks like wood chips, but when the chili is done, the bacon still looked raw. Use your own judgement.
Add beef, about a pound at a time, brown, stirring as it cooks. Put onions, peppers, garlic and celery in with meat and cook until soft. Add meat, onions, peppers, garlic and celery to beans.
Rinse nopalitos in cold water; drain, dice and add to beef/bacon/bean mix. Don’t be afraid of the nopalitos, it has a flavor similar to green peppers. If you can’t find them, leave them out. I won’t tell.

Fresh tomatillos look like small green tomatoes with a husk on them. They need some preparation before you use them. First, remove the husk and rinse them off. Next, cut them in half and put them in a bowl. Put the bowl in the microwave and heat on full power for 2-3 minutes until soft. Cool before making into salsa. (From “The Grumpy Old Goat” at grumpyoldgoat.com)

Since we're not making salsa, add tomatillos, tomato paste, beef stock and seasonings. Cover and simmer about 1 hour or until it’s thickened as much as you like.

I admit that I add seasonings to taste, usually salt, cumin, cayenne, chili powder and coriander. If the bacon doesn’t give it enough smoky flavor, throw in some more liquid smoke. Just remember, you can always add more but it’s sure hard to take anything out. Same goes for salt, spices and hot stuff.
If you’re a good cook, you’ll keep track of what you added so you can recreate your masterpiece.

When I can’t get tomatillos, I use red tomatoes and add pimentoes and paprika. If you have to go red, go all the way.

Makes about 2 gallons. It might sound like a lot, but I was cooking for the state fair and that’s how much they wanted. I had to make the red tomato/pimento version for them. I was disappointed when this didn’t win any ribbons at the state fair, but a lot of folks told me it was the best tasting chili there. I won’t disagree, but Fair judges have their own criteria. My son-in-law once won with a recipe that included a large chocolate bar and a bottle of honey. Macadamia nuts, anyone?
If you’re lucky, there might even be some left for lunch the next day.
J. C. McNeill, September 1999
BTW, a desert dog is a coyote.

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