When discussing any topic important to a child, be sure and choose your time and place. A tired, cranky, hungry child will not be receptive. Choose reading time, bath time or a similarly relaxed time to discuss important issues such as a sibling's death. In trying to make sense of death for a child,I have used the following analogy successfully with several children between the ages of three and six.

I use two gloves, one old and worn out with bare spots and holes, and another that is new and unused.(If explaining the death due to miscarriage or neonatal death, a new glove or item that has been mismade works well.)

I put my hand into the new glove and show how it protects my hand. It covers my hand well, protecting from scratches, bumps, and so on. I show how my hand can flex well and do all the jobs it needs to do in that new glove. Next I put my hand into the old one. I show how it does not protect my hand; I could be scratched, hurt,and so on. (If using a new mismade object, show how, forwhatever reason, it will not protect the hand.)

I explain that the hand is like our soul, and the glove is our body. Even though the glove (body) is old and worn, the hand (spirit/soul) inside is still whole and hale and hearty. When the body cannot protect the spirit any longer, then the spirit goes to heaven with God, and as a symbol of our love for that person and his or her spirit, we bury the body to honor them, since it is all we have left.

We look again at the glove, and how the spirit inside causes it to move and live. When the body can no longer protect it, the spirit leaves the body and then the body doesn't work anymore. At this point I withdraw my hand, and we talk about how the glove cannot do anything at all without the spirit. It cannot move or do its job. We talk about a person's spirit leaving their body because he or she doesn't need it or can't use it anymore. The body does not see, hear, walk, talk, go potty, eat, or sleep without the spirit to help it.

I hope this analogy is of value to you and your children in explaining death.

Copyright 1997-2000 Ethans House, Inc.

---

Home	Top of Page	Childrens Room