10. Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips

9. Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.

8. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.

7. Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.

6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.

5. The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.

4. Book of Armaments would be in there somewhere.

3. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.

2. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.

1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.

• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name and/or species you can't remember).
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burnon the forehead.
• WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really, big guy nicknamed "Whoop Ass".