During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said,
half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting.
The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones
standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up...
The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His
congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98-year old man, who was one of the
original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell
him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative
of each faction of the congregation.
The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand
during this prayer?"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?"
The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition."
Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each
other about whether they should sit or stand..."
The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is our tradition!"
A couple preparing for a religious conversion meets with the orthodox rabbi for their final
session.
The rabbi asks if they have any final questions.
The man asks, "Is it true that men and women don't dance together?"
"Yes," says the rabbi, "For modesty reasons, men and women dance separately."
"So I can't dance with my own wife?"
"No."
"Well, okay," says the man,"but what about sex?"
"Fine," says the rabbi. "A mitzvah within the marriage!"
"What about different positions?" the man asks.
"No problem," says the rabbi.
"Woman on top?" the man asks.
"Why not?" replies the rabbi.
"How about doggie-style?"
"Of course!"
"Well, what about standing up?"
"NO!" says the rabbi....
"Could lead to dancing!"
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