"The woman is a complete idiot," said one attorney who asked that we not use
his name. "How bright can you be if you think eating a vaginal gel will
prevent conception?
"But certain aspects of the case involve truth in labeling and false
advertising issues. She may not collect but she'll make a lot of noise and
trouble. People are down on lawyers anyway. They think we waste time and
money on frivolous lawsuits. This isn't going to help our public relations
any."
A spokesman for the unnamed mom-and-pop drugstore says he's shocked and
angry that such a case could ever be taken seriously. "All she has to do is
open the box and read the directions," says the spokesman. "Next thing you
know someone will come after us because they couldn't stick things together
with their toothpaste.
"I can just imagine some moron saying: 'It's paste, isn't it? Why can't I
glue these papers onto my bulletin board?' "
But attorneys for Mrs. Chyton say she was swindled and lied to by implication and they intend to make the pharmacy pay $500,000 for the hardship the woman will have to endure.
"It says right on it 'jelly,'" says Mrs. Chyton, a former model who was once
a cheerleader for a popular professional basketball team. "And they kept it
on the shelf just two aisles from the food section. I know, now, that the
directions say it should be used vaginally with a condom. But who has time
to sit around reading directions these days -especially when you're sexually
aroused?
"The company should call it something else and the pharmacy shouldn't sell
it without telling each and every customer who buys it that eating it won't
prevent you from getting pregnant."
As bizarre as it sounds, the pharmacy could wind up losing the lawsuit. "It's hard for businesses to avoid troublesome lawsuits," said another attorney. "With the courts bending over backwards to please consumer groups, the temper of the times is perfect for these crackpots to bring legal action against businesses - even a moronic legal action like this."