IC's B Movie Reviews

This was the first movie where several friends of mine from UW-Madison decided to come over and watch this classic. They were all shocked and laughing by the time it was over. Yes, it's a post nuclear holocaust world where not much survived except a few humans, mutant human-sized frogs, and plenty of beekeepers outfits for the frogs to wear. Plenty of interesting motor vehicles apparently survived the destrcution as well, but I'll talk more about that later.

All I really need to tell you is that a movie should be considered B material when the 1st line spoken onscreen is "Hey Squidlips!" and it's said before that character sucker punches a mutant frog in the face.

Well, how can I accurately summarize the plot? OK, apparently the nuclear devestation caused most of humanity to become sterile. So, in order for humans to survive, fertile people must have sex as much as possible. You might say this sounds like a REALLY BAD plot to a porno movie. Well, that's what we said, too. And at points it started to look like a porno movie.

Professional Wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper stars as Sam Hell, a fertile ladies' man who's left a string of pregnancies wherever he's been (Yes, that's an actual line). Apparently a group (herd?) of fertile women have been captured by frogs in hostile mutant territory. So, Sam Hell is coerced into impregnating these women by having some sort explosive underwear put on him by the provisional human government.

A couple of representatives from the human government accompany Sam into mutant territory - Spangle's an officer with the goverment who has some sort of detonating device for Sam's metal underwear. Now doesn't that sound chipper? Centinella (isn't that some sort of new medicine or something? No, wait I'm thinking of Citronella that mosquito-chasing plant) is the weapons expert. She operates the machine gun on the pink hot rod ambulance that they ride into the wasteland. Now, pause and read that last sentence again. Yes, it's all true.

Well, we find out that the evil leader of the frogs is Commander Toadie. Yes, that's true, too, if you're shaking your head. To not give too much away, here's a quick synopsis of the rest of the movie: Citronella tries to seduce Sam on the way to the frog's base. She peels her clothes off in one quick motion. Spangle stops 'em and tells Sam he's gotta conserve his sperm. Oh, OK... They go to some run down shack which serves as base for the frogs. They meet some frog contact who tries to help 'em out. They almost break the fertile women out, but are captured (of course). Sam's metal underwear is chopped off with a chainsaw (don't worry, nothing is shown). The frog contact meets up with a drill bit. Spangle (who looks suspiciously like the lady from Who's the Boss, but actually is the woman from Conan the Barbarian) has to arouse the three snakes of Commander Toadie by sensual dancing. Yes, and those three snakes happen to be what you think they are. Once again, be grateful nothing is shown. Many frogs are shot, kicked, punched, and basically mauled. They escape in the pink ambulance. The frogs pursue. Big climactic battle. Sam suddenly has a samurai sword for the first time in the movie. Guess what happens? End credits roll to 'The Ants Come Marching Two by Two'

Here's a good line from the movie:

Sam Hell: 'You try making love to a complete stranger in the middle of a hostile mutant territory and see how you feel.'

Here's a couple of lines from people watching the movie:

Me: 'Apparently mutant frogs like rock music...'
Monica: '... and martinis!'

Monica: 'That magic sword is standard issue with every backpack and chastity belt combination.'

My friend Howard stumbled upon this website a month ago. Sample it! From BadMovies.org: It has sound files, pictures, and even MOVIE files from this movie. Yes, there is someone sicker than me!

Ratings
• W -

  - Well, what can I say about this one? The plot was definitely unusual. It was interesting for the most part. Maybe it was the punches denting in the frog masks that gave this one an 8.

• HA -

  - This movie usually gets its laughs when it wants its laughs. Through the whole thing. I think a lot of the laughter came from the comments of the gallery watching the movie, but this movie is definitely one of the funnier B Movies I've seen.

• UC -

  - Denting frog masks. Pink Ambulances equipped with machine guns. Bad rock music in strategic locations.

• C -

  - Wow, maybe it's the fact I haven't seen a good mutant frog movie lately, but this movie was definitely a new idea. OK, no it wasn't. They just happened to use mutated frogs to a great capacity.

This movie caused people to cry because they were laughing so hard. It definitely belongs in any B Movie Marathon.

B MOVIE MAYHEM