Episode I
"So, Mom," Belle said, plopping down on her chair at her mother's
breakfast table. "What would you do with a man—"
"Lower yourself gently onto the chair, sweetheart! That chair
is already starting to separate."
Overweight?
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Yep! Belle is
overweight. But she's working on it, she really is!
In the mean time, find out how she weighs in on Jane's side
(oh, poor Jane, poor puny Jane!) in:
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"They really should
rate these things for at least 200 pounds." Belle frowned at her almond-paste
croissant and bit into it. "Anyway, my question stands—well, would if
I had been able to get it out—and
that is, what would you do with a man
who was harsh with you and a pussycat with everybody else?"
"Are we talking Jane trouble again?" Chrissie asked.
"Yes, I'm afraid—"
"You know, sweetheart, you really should concentrate more on your own troubles
and less on those of other people."
"Besides, Mom's the wrong person to ask," Chrissie pointed out. "It is
much more probable that a man who was harsh with everyone else would be
a pussycat with Mom. Mom might just break a harsh man into two pieces!"
"Well, we have advantages that Jane does not," Belle said. "Jane is only
five feet two and a hundred—"
"I would do no such thing!" Mrs. G protested. "I'm a believer in non-violence.
I'm always counseling you two about non-violence. Your friend Jane should
have a nice talk with her husband."
"Well, she can't talk to Rupert," Chrissie said. "Whenever Jane tries to
talk to him, he says, 'I don't wanna hear about it!' I think we should
resign ourselves to the fact that she can't talk to Rupert."
"Anyway, here's the deal." Belle settled more comfortably into her chair.
"The pressure is back on again! Rupert's sister Nancy is leaning on Rupert
to make him lean on Jane. So Rupert gives Jane the silent treatment, the
cold treatment—"
"Nancy is tired of having her mother stay with her," Chrissie explained
to Mrs. G. "She wants to move her to Jane and Rupert's house."
"Dump her," Belle corrected. "Jane's house is the size of a lima-bean,
the poor old lady has multiple mental and physical disabilities—"
"She should be in a nursing-home," Mrs. G said firmly. "Haven't we been
through this ground many times before, sweetheart? Are these people still
stuck in the same rut?"
"Yep, it's déjà vu all over again!" Belle said. "Nancy thinks
to put their mother in a nursing home is dumping her. She thinks her siblings
have already dumped their mother—on her. So she wants to
dump her at Rupert's."
Mrs. G frowned. "Did I miss something there?"
"No, you heard it right, Mom," Belle said. "It's that nutty!"
"So Nancy lays a guilt trip on Rupert," Chrissie added. "And Rupert pressures
Jane and when Jane says, No! Rupert goes into his black punishing mood."
"And when Rupert goes into these moods, it's like ... it's like ..." Belle
tried to find the right words in between bites. "Even over the phone, when
he talks over the phone to people he loves, his voice changes! He
coos, 'Hiiii! I love you!' and then, when he talks to Jane over the phone,
it's like, 'Hi. Whatever. Bye.' "
"So, Mom," Chrissie said, "what would you do with a man like that?"
***
What would you do
with a man like that? Help shape Mrs. G's advice! Send me a note. Be brutal!
Clever zingers are especially welcome. BG.
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Underdog
