HUMOR Digest - 27 Nov 1996 to 28 Nov 1996

Date: Wed, 27 Nov 1996 09:04:16 GMT
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Discount Airline Watch-Fors

With so many airline problems world-wide, I thought a quik check-list of things to look for before you decide to book any discount type airline service would be helpful. Here's a few things to be watchful for:

• When making the boarding annoucement, the flight attendant informs the passengers that seating is based upon a variation of "musical chairs"
• As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-Shirt
• The Captain announces over the intercom the the Flight is delayed while he looks for his misplaced keys to the plane
• The cabin attendant announces that those pesky & boring safety procedure announcements have been eliminated
• The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot.

If you're still in doubt, be watchful if:

• the Trendy desert-pastel paint job on the plane, upon a closer look, turns out to be primer-yellow and black
• the Ground Crew is seen using pennies to check tire wear
• a man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airline's C.E.O.
• a voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft while it is in motion
• the Stewardess offers coffee, tea or Valium

And finally, check to see if:

• the air sickness bags have the Lord's Prayer printed on them
• Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit
• a man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passangers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits
• a telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower
• the Navigator is studying a large unfolded Exxon road map, and has a compass hanging from his belt.

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