HUMOR Digest - 16 Dec 1996 to 17 Dec 1996

Date: Mon, 16 Dec 1996 08:54:12 GMT
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Corporate Translator

Universal Corporate Translator
              Part 1 of 3

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION":
     You'll be making under $6 an hour

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY":
     You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year

"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY":
     There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft

"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN":
     Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left

"COMPETITIVE SALARY":
     We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY":
     We have no time to train you. (and/or)
     Please introduce yourself to your co-workers

"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER":
Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago

"IMMEDIATE OPENING":
     The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad

"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER":
     We're can't supply you with leads; (and/or)
     there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or)
     you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check

"SELF-MOTIVATED":
     Don't expect Management to answer questions

"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS":
     After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay

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