HUMOR Digest - 2 Jan 1997 to 3 Jan 1997

Date: Thu, 2 Jan 1997 02:48:28 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Getting Old ?

You can tell you're are getting old when:

* Dialing long-distance wears you out.

* Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

* Your back goes out more often than you do.

* You get winded playing games on the computer.

* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

* You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

* A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

* Burning the "midnight oil" now beings roughly at 8:00 PM.

* "25 Years Ago Today..." is your favorite part of the paper.

* Almost everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

* The only "gleam in your eye" is the sun hitting your bifocals.

* You regret all those times in the past you resisted temptation.

* You can't stand all those damn stupid people who are intolerant.

* After painting the town red, you can no longer apply a 2nd coat.

* That sweet young thang you were just gonna hit on calls you "Sir".

* You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic.

* Your pacemaker opens the garage door as you watch a girl walk by.

* You decide to procrastinate, and yet never quite get around to it.

* Your "little black book" contains way too many names ending in M.D.

* You feel like the morning after, yet you haven't even been anywhere.

* Growing old doesn't seem so bad now when you consider the alternative.

* You know all of the answers, but nobody asks you the questions anymore.

* There's too much room in the house & not enough in the medicine cabinet.


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