HUMOR Digest - 13 Jan 1997 to 14 Jan 1997

Date: Mon, 13 Jan 1997 03:59:41 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Proper Printer Use

Using Line Printers at the workplace:

If your printout does not arrive within 1.2 seconds, immediately take the printer offline and press enough times to place the perforation in the center of all subsequent printouts. Leave the printer in this inoperative state, but be sure to place your document (140k minimum) in the queue at least five (5) more times before going home. In the unlikely event you return for your output, give it a cursory glance before discarding in the recycle bin.

Be sure and send all graphics output to the line printer as often as possible. Fill at least 175 pages with brief cryptic strings such as q:!@ in the corner. After observing that this output does not match the plot you intended, perform the exact same action a second time, in the hope that the first error was simply the result of intervention by evil spirits.

Wad, crush, crumple, stomp, spindle, paw, and rip at least six (6) other users' output in retrieving your own. Broadcast this refuse in random directions or coat the vicinity of the printer with it in an act of modern-type performance art.

Note to administrators:
Change the print ribbon at least once every four years, whether it needs it or not. Ensure that the print queue is disabled before all major Total Quality Management projects, and that name/banner/whitespace pages exceed printed output by a minimum ratio of at least 3:1.

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