HUMOR Digest - 23 Jan 1997 to 24 Jan 1997

Date: Thu, 23 Jan 1997 03:36:31 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Women on the Move

I swear, for the life of me, I'll never get used to whatever form of logic it is that women use. I was on one of those singles "LoveBoat" kind-of cruises. Standing at the railing was a true beauty, that I just hadda meet. Picture this, if you will, this young, stunning blonde was standing, all alone, and just staring thoughtfully at the moonlight glowing on the ocean.

I've found that sometimes, an innocent topic is best to open any conversation with. So, I hit her with "Isn't it something ? All that water out there ?"

Without even looking up, or missing a beat, she replied, "Yeah. And just think. That's only the top of it."

On this same cruise, I was assigned to a table with a suave older French gentleman in the dress uniform of the Foreign Legion. The first nite out, this fellow rose as I began to sit down at the table, bowed slightly and said "Bon appetit".

I sort-of came to a position of what could best be called the military version of attention, and said, "Jimmy Moore", thinking he was introducing himself to me.

The next morning at breakfast, the exact same ceremony was again repeated. Well, not being familiar with French customs, I sought out a friend of mine, also on board and described the incidents to her.

She said, "You big dummy! 'Bon appetit' isn't the guy's name; he's wishing you have a pleasant meal by saying 'good appetite'".

Well, needless to say, I felt pretty embarrassed, as well as quite the country bumpkin. So, I arrived early for lunch. As soon as I saw him nearing the table, I leaped up, bowed as gracefully as I knew how, and said "Bon appetit".

The Frenchman quickly clicked his heels together, came to full attention, saluted smartly and said, "Jimmy Moore."

Again on this same cruise (a lot happened, didn't it ?) I met this vision of loveliness named Cyndi. I decided that she could only be totally awesome as a lover and determined to make a run at her.

If you've ever traveled to "The Islands" you know there are tons of tourist stores and individual vendors selling what are claimed to be authentic native souvenirs.

As Cyndi and I were walking down a narrow dusty street on one port of call, we were examining the various wares, when all at once, she stopped short, sort of gasped, and tugged on my arm.

She kind-of pointed with her head to a series of objects on a blanket. "What the hell are those things ???" she whispered loudly into my ear.

I looked and replied "Why, I believe they are phallic symbols that were supposed to have been used long ago in ancient native fertility rites on this island. I doubt they're authentic though."

"Oh Yeah ?" she mused with a grin, "Well, I'd hate to tell ya what they look like to me."

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