HUMOR Digest - 25 Jan 1997 to 26 Jan 1997

Date: Sat, 25 Jan 1997 14:02:39 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: 3 Unrelated Jokes

We've all heard tales about how this branch of the military or that one is the tuffest. Well, let me tell y'all about one of the strictest unit commanders ever to serve in the US Navy. It was the policy of our Commanding Officer that he, and he alone would approve any and all leave.

I approached him one day and asked for time off to get married in a few months.

He looked me straight in the eye, and said "Denied. Son... if we'd have wanted you to have a wife, we'd have issued you one !"

Like a lot of good secretaries, mine was concerned not only about things around the office, but my personal well-being as well. Now while this young lady was not a soap-box evangelist, she was quite religious. Knowing too much perhaps about some of my antics, a few strayings, as well as my occasional "walk on the wild side", she asked if I had ever given any thought to Heaven.

Perhaps being a little too flippant, I told her that indeed I had considered Judgement Day, and thought my logical (and only) course of action would be to have the best lawyer available.

She sat there a moment, trying to gauge if I were serious or not, then replied, "And just where are ya gonna find any lawyer at all -- good or bad, in Heaven ?"

I attended her Church the very next Sunday.

For those of you too young to remember, as well as those not even born yet, the fifties were a different time with a different set of morals and customs than any of you can imagine.

I was dating this one lass steadily for about a month or so, when her Father called me aside for the dreaded "talk". He asked me if my intentions toward his daughter were honorable or dishonorable.

I replied, "Gee Mr. (Smith), I didn't realize I had a choice."

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