Date: Wed, 29 Jan 1997 05:31:33 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Moore Misc Jokes

Whoever originated the saying "You Can't Take It With You" obviously never met an old maid.

We've all seen the old fashioned "kissing booths" at the county fairs, but I had to admire the business smarts of one lil' blonde at a recent fair in rural West Virginia.

Beneath the standard "Kisses: Five Dollars" sign was a pair of woman's panties with: "Ask About Our Other Bargains" printed neatly on them.

It was painfully evident to the indignant Mother that all was not well with her attractive daughter. To her pointed questions, the girl tearfully admitted that motherhood was approaching, and that a close friend of the family was responsible.

With fire in her eyes, the Mother drove over to the friend's house and confronted him. The man readily admitted his guilt.

"But I have a very good reason." the soon-to-be dad said. " I doubt I'll ever get married, and wanted an heir to leave my fortune to. If your daughter presents me with a daughter, I'll give her $ 500,000. If she bares me a son, I'll make it a million."

"Now see here," said the Mother, "That's totally unacceptable. If it's a miscarriage, will you at least give her another chance ?"

Recently a friend of mine showed up at work looking as if he'd just been in one hell of a fight. Naturally, I had to ask what happened.

"Well," he said, "here I was all ready for work and the button popped off my pants. I ran next door to my neighbor's and asked if she could fix it real quick."

"I see." I replied, "And she thought you were hitting on her, huh ? Still, she got a little carried away, I think."

"Oh no ! Nothing like that." he went on. "She sewed in back on real quick and all, but then her husband came downstairs just as she was biting off the thread."

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