HUMOR Digest - 7 Feb 1997 to 8 Feb 1997

Date: Fri, 7 Feb 1997 02:52:35 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: English, the Language

I got the strangest e-mail the other day. A female friend and I do an awful lot of teasing, and apparently, she thought she had offended me.

She said (and I quote): "Dear Jimmy, I hope you are not angry with me. I want to explain that I was really only joking when I told you I didn't mean what I said about reconsidering my decision not to change my mind. Please believe I really mean this !"

Maryland has it's share of bad winter snows, and as usual, the radio announcers advise people not to drive during severe conditions. The other month though had to be the topper.

This guy comes on and sez: "Please don't do any unnecessary driving unless it's absolutely necessary."

Saw a sign in a field recently that I'm still trying to figure out.

It said: "No Unauthorized Trespassing".

Not sure I did a buddy of mine much good recently. He put me as a reference for his Top Secret Security Clearance. I wasn't aware that the Secret Service guys have no sense of humor whatever. It seems before they ask ya about the person in question, they ask some personal questions about your own background, views, etc.

This agent, after several preliminary questions about me said, "Do you advocate the overthrow of the United States of America by subversion or violence ?"

I paused for effect, then said, "Violence !"

Got one of those financial security ads in the mail the other day. This was unique though in its approach.

It advised me that I could now borrow enuff money to get completely out of debt.

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