HUMOR Digest - 15 Feb 1997 to 16 Feb 1997

Date: Sat, 15 Feb 1997 03:32:08 -0500
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Wives & Divorce

There aren't any around any more, but there used to be penny scales that not only told you your weight, but produced a lil' card with what was supposed to be your "fortune" on it.

Some years ago, my wife and I were waiting in a drugstore for a prescription and she walked over to such a scale. It gave her a small card which read: "You are warm hearted, understanding and loving."

She showed it to me and said, "See ???"

I looked at it, then her, then said, "Yeah ! And the damn thing got your weight wrong too."

I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife won't give him a divorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a happy man.

Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for a divorce on the grounds that her husband "beats her."

The Judge, wanting every detail, before making a decision, asked how often it was he beat the woman.

"Every damn time your Honor," she replied, "Every damn time !"

I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different cars, take separate vacations, have their own computers, and even have their own ISPs, e-mail addresses and Home Pages.

They say they're doing everything they can to keep their marriage together.

With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called "Marriage Anonymous."

Whenever a guy feels like getting married, they send over a woman with big curlers in her hair, cream all over her face, wearing a torn housecoat and 15" bedroom slippers to nag him out of it.

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