HUMOR Digest - 18 Apr 1997 to 19 Apr 1997

Date: Fri, 18 Apr 1997 03:21:37 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Here's To Ya

This Texan walks into a bar and sees a man passed out on the floor. He motions to the bartender and points to the guy, and sez "Give me a double of whatever in the hell he had."

I just hadda stop all the three hour liquid lunches at work.
They were cutting into my usual "Happy Hour" time.

I was in this bar one nite in kind-of a really tuff section of the City. The conversation turned to the "good ole days" when a man had to be a real man to open a bottle of beer w/o an opener, since the caps didn't twist off.

This one tuff lookin' woman said, "Awwwww, that wasn't so hard. Anybody could do that."

I couldn't resist and asked, "What did you do, open them with your teeth then for a real challenge ?"

She kinda smiled and said, "Well... not with my teeth.

The Policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car.

"Are you sure this is your house ?" the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood.

"Shertainly." said the drunk, "and if you'll just open the door f'me, I can prove it to ya." Entering the living room, he said " You shee that piano ? Thash mine. You shee that giant television set ? Thast mine too. Now follow me."

The police officer followed the man as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to.

"Thish ish my bedroom," he announced.
"Shee the bed there ? Thast mine !
Shee that woman lying in the bed ? Thash my wife.
An' see that guy lying next to her ?

"Yeah ?" the cop replied suspiciously. Beginning at this point to seriously doubt the man's story.

"Well, thash me !"

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