HUMOR Digest - 5 May 1997 to 6 May 1997

Date: Mon, 5 May 1997 03:51:10 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Yuppie Capital of the World

Man's infinite capacity for inflicting suffering upon himself and his fellow humans needed an art form through which the emotions attendant to that fact could find ample expression.

It was thus that Columbia (aka "Yuppiedom") the "Planned City" was created.

If you call 911 in Columbia Maryland, you have to tell them who recommended you to them.

A Columbia poodle had an adorable doghouse near the pool. A visitor asked how the owners kept it so clean.

The Yuppette of the House said, "We have a Mexican Chihuahua come in every Tuesday and Saturday."

Van Gogh painted 72 pictures. As of last week, Columbia had the largest collection of them in the world -- 423.

My wife and I attended a meeting for a "kick off" to a very worthy charity campaign in Columbia. Some of the Yuppettes present seemed content to make a night of it.

My wife leaned over to me and said, "If this doesn't break-up by 4:00, start talking about your lawn. And at 4:30 start in on your views of modern women."

At a recent social event in Columbia, I overheard a conversation between a young lady visiting there from New York and one of the local Yuppettes.

The guest said, "I don't know why people in Columbia are considered cold and stand-offish. The ones I've met have been very nice to me and more than willing to go halfway in making friends."

"It is obvious," said the proper lil' Yuppette stiffly, "that you have not yet met the 'right' people."

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