HUMOR Digest - 13 May 1997 to 14 May 1997

Date: Tue, 13 May 1997 03:21:33 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Charity

Despite warnings from his guide, an American, who was skiing in Switzerland, got separated from his group and fell uninjured into a deep crevasse. Several hours later, a rescue party found the yawing pit and, to reassure the stranded skier, shouted to him, "We're from the Red Cross."

"Sorry," the imperturbable American yelled back, "I already gave at the Office."

Some tourists were stranded on a deserted island. All but one of the men were extremely upset at their plight. Finally a man asked the guy why it was he didn't seem the least bit concerned.

He just smiled and said "Hell man, I just pledged over $110,000 to the United Way Campaign. Ain't no why they're gonna leave me stranded on some stupid island."

A homeless man is standing outside a hotel in Columbia Maryland where people were just emerging from a fancy dress ball. The poorly dressed man asked this one Yuppette for a dollar.

She says, "What is wrong with you ? I just came from a charity ball where I spent one thousand dollars for a dress; two hundred to have my hair done and nails polished; three hundred for shoes; and the tickets to this event were fifteen hundred dollars, only fifty of which is tax deductible. How dare you ask me for a dime when I've just spent all that money on you."

A fellow named Max was the best collector this one charity ever had. He always turned in the most funds every year. Finally the chairman prevailed upon Max to teach his methods to others. Max tells the novice collector to first get two bags and follow him.

He goes into a restaurant and proceeds to the Men's room. Finding a man in there alone at a urinal, Max pulls a large knife and says he's collecting for charity. The man "donates" generously into Max's opened bag.

The novice collector is stuck dumbfounded. He says, "You can't do that! Worthy cause or not. That's illegal. I want no part of this. I'm am curious though as to what the other bag's for."

Max shrugs his shoulders and sez "Not everybody gives."

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