HUMOR Digest - 9 Jun 1997 to 10 Jun 1997

Date: Mon, 9 Jun 1997 03:55:04 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Mental Health

Don't get me wrong now, I'm all for progress. I'm just not all that sure about some of the ads the medical profession puts in the paper:
                                        Dr. Maynard Benchley
                                                 Psychiatrist
                                 Positive Results within one year
                       Satisfaction Guaranteed or your mania back

I have this young friend, a medical student, who's also hot and heavy into computers. He developed software which he claimed would scan anything and play back a tune.

Thinking to throw him a curve, I went to his house with my latest EKG tracings. Imagine my dismay, when upon being scanned, his surround-sound system played quite a moving version of "Nearer My God to Thee" from my cardiac rhythms.

And kids these days, they grow up too quickly and know entirely too much too soon. I mean this one friend of mine was trying to get his boy into Nursery Rhymes.

All that happened was that the boy told his shrink that his Father had a lot of problems, including a fixation that a cow could orbit the moon.

A Yuppette and her hubby ran into her psychiatrist while waiting to be seated at a restaurant.

"Doctor," she said, "I'd like you to meet my husband. One of the many men in my life I've been telling you about."

Members toasting the guest of honor at Psychoanalysis' Society dinner:
"For he's an adequate fellow... For he's an adequate fellow..."

Psychiatrist to voluptuous blonde patient leaving office.
"That about winds things up. Any inhibitions you have left, you're gonna need."

A psychotic thinks that two and two are five.
A neurotic knows two and two are four -- but he hates it !

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