HUMOR Digest - 17 Jul 1997 to 18 Jul 1997

Date: Thu, 17 Jul 1997 03:37:03 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Celebrities

Perhaps you've heard about the latest heart throb macho movie star. He lost an awful lot of fans after appearing in his first porno film. The ladies were disappointed he had such a small part.

The Vatican is busily trying to quell rumors that they're going to start freezing Holy Water and sell them as "Popesicles".

I heard that President Clinton was enjoying a private interlude with his secretary when Hillary burst into the Oval Office and found them in a rather compromising position.

"How dare you make love to that woman !" she shrieked.

"I had to sweetheart," he calmly apologized. "She was getting jealous of my receptionist."

The distraught female patient exclaimed to her psychiatrist: "I have no talent ! I can't act ! I can't sing ! I can't even dance ! I want to quit show business."

"Then why don't you ?" asked the shrink.

"I can't !" she sobbed. "I'm a star."

A story making the rounds for years concerns a call girl who said to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello: "I just love your comedy. It's a real privilege to serve you both. So... who's on first ?"

When Clint Eastwood was a Mayor, he's supposed to have seen a citizen littering. He was about to use his cell phone to call for a policeman when the citizen said: "This is my first offense, honest Mr. Eastwood. Couldn't you just give me a warning ?"

At that, Clint stood back, drew his .44 and fired two shots over the guy's head.

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