HUMOR Digest - 18 Sep 1997 to 19 Sep 1997

Date: Thu, 18 Sep 1997 03:56:17 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Not What it Might Seem

The old Jewish man stopped before a blind fellow who was sitting on the sidewalk begging for handouts. The man said, "I don't have much money on me but I'll be happy to share my matzos with you."

The beggar took a piece of matzo in his hands, ran one hand over the surface and exclaimed, "Who wrote this crap ?"

A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?"

"Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday if that would be OK."

It got so cold during the last quarter of a football game that the die-hard fan was almost alone in his section of the stands. Wrapped snugly in a warm blanket, he caught the eye of a young lass shivering near-by and opened the blanket as an invitation to join him.

They snuggled close and drank the remainder of the quarter. She had introduced herself as Andrea, a model; he as Irving, a lawyer.

Towards the middle of the last quarter, he said, "Say, I thought all models shaved all their hair. You're no model."

"Maybe not," she replied, "But your name's not Irving either."

Knew a girl at work once who was truly concerned about her husband's smoking. She told me that she had finally gotten him to agree to limit his smoking at home to only those times when they had finished making love. She had gotten the idea from a classic movie they had both seen on TV called "Cold Turkey".

After about a week I asked her how it was going.

"Well, not too bad." she said, getting up off of a pillow she had in her chair and limping towards the photocopy machine. "I've gotten him down to about a pack a night now."

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