HUMOR Digest - 21 Sep 1997 to 22 Sep 1997

Date: Sun, 21 Sep 1997 06:15:32 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Exit Laughing

Life's two certainties (Death and Taxes) have always been topics for humor. Lately though, due to the deaths of Princess Di and Mother Teresa, some macabre, sick & tasteless essays have been posted on here masquerading as jokes. Remember, in order to qualify as a "joke", it should be funny !   Permit me to attempt to show that death can indeed have a "lighter" side:

A man was ordered to Florida by his doctor for a month to recover from a tricky operation. Unfortunately, he died there. The body was shipped back home.

At the funeral parlor, the widow was given an advance viewing by the Director, who said, "Doesn't he look wonderful ?"

"Yes," agreed the widow. "I think those weeks in Florida did him a world of good."

Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things -- burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery.

He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely, "I hope you'll be very happy there."

A rather wealthy bachelor bequeathed his entire fortune to the two women who had refused his marriage proposals.

His reasoning according to his lawyer was he owed them what peace & happiness he had enjoyed.

I was in bed with the flu, feeling sorry for myself, and worked out how much Mrs. JimJr would be worth if I died. After telling her, she scolded me for having such awful morbid thoughts.

Then, as she sat there quietly on the edge of the bed, she said, "Does that include your Navy insurance ?"

As a last request, the Yuppie from Columbia Maryland asked that instead of family members, his pallbearers be reps from VISA, Consumer Credit, Master Card, 1st National Bank, Commercial Credit and Mercantile Trust.

His reasoning ? They carried him in life, so they might as well carry him out too.

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