HUMOR Digest - 25 Sep 1997 to 26 Sep 1997

Date: Thu, 25 Sep 1997 03:52:46 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Unexpected Answers

The courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.

The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him in order to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, since she had been so "matter-of-fact" about the whole thing all during the trial.

"Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband ?"

"Well... yeah... I guess..." she replied.

"And when was that ?" pressed the attorney.

"Well... when he asked for his third cup." she said.

In the midst of a blazing battle, an officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly on the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier and dove back to safety.

"Private," the officer said, "I recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."

"Warehouses ?!?!"  the private shouted over the din of the battle, "I thought you said whorehouses."

Scott showed little aptitude for the law and even less for public speaking, but neither prevented him from pursuing a career as a defense attorney. He even managed to get a job with a firm.

Finally the day came for him to argue his first capital murder case, and two senior members of his firm attended the trial.

Halfway through his closing argument, there was a recess. Scott sent a note to one of the partners and asked, "What do you think my client's chances are ?"

The answer came back, "Keep talking !   The longer you talk, the longer he lives."

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