HUMOR Digest - 9 Oct 1997 to 10 Oct 1997

Date: Thu, 9 Oct 1997 03:51:30 -0400
From: Jim Moore Jr
Subject: Americans Wandering About

While I did have French in college, I know no Spanish at all. Once during a visit to Brazil, I used the guidebook to complain that I had not received the coffee ordered some time ago.

Within minutes, there was a knock at the door, but instead of Room Service there were two uniformed policeman, guns drawn. Thankfully, they permitted me to show them the guidebook before hauling me away.

Seems some joker at the publisher had inserted the phrase: "I asked for coffee 30 minutes ago. If it is not here in 5 minutes, I shall set fire to the hotel" to be used to get faster service.

You wonder who writes these guidebooks anyway. One I have for Rome contains the phrase: "Non potete insegnare alla nonna a bere le uova."

Which, as I understand it, means "Don't try to teach your Grandmother to suck eggs." I mean, surely that's bound to could come up in your next audience with the Pope.

One I saw for India was titled "The English: How She is Talked"

They must think us nothing but a bunch of whiners.

The whole first page contains phrases like: "I am hot", "I am cold", "I am hungry", "I am lost", "It was not my fault", and "They are bothering me".

A friend of mine spent some time in Egypt and brought back a rather unusual story. She was at a bazaar on one of Cairo's side streets, and saw a skull being exhibited. She asked the proprietor about it.

He told her it was the skull of Cleopatra.

Alongside that skull was a smaller one, which piqued her interest.

When she asked about that one, the proprietor said: "That m'Lady is also Cleopatra's -- but as a child."

Not all travelers are savvy. A woman going through customs in front of me said to the agent: "Once you make the chalk mark, does that mean I'm home free ?"

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